Day 27 - Difficult time to learn [ENG-ESP]

in Ladies of Hivelast month (edited)

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30 days blog challenge
27 - Difficult time to learn

I understand that this pandemic has been a very difficult time for everyone... But the truth is that for me it hasn't been the worst time i've had, and i warn you that it's coming a delicate issue next, i'm not used to it, but this challenge has brought out everything out in me...

The worst months of my life were when i was 16, just fulfilled. It was a difficult time because i was going through a series of situations that together marked a before and after in my life... they drove me crazy at the time. And I learned a lot about what happened

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30 días desafío para blog
27 - Momento dificil para aprender

Yo entiendo que esta pandemia ha sido un momento muy difícil para todos... Pero la verdad es que para mí no ha sido el peor tiempo que he pasado y advierto que viene tema delicado a continuación, no acostumbro a hacerlo, pero este challenge ha sacado a relucir todo de mí...

Los peores meses de mi vida fueron cuando tenía 16 años, casi acabados de cumplir. Fué una época difícil porque estaba pasando una serie de situaciones que juntas marcaron un antes y un después en mi vida... me volvieron loca en su momento.


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But to put you in context the first thing i have to say is that i come from a family that is have much machism and i have a very controlling father... and as a good flirty girl i had my first boyfriend at 14, my first boyfriend and on top of this my first toxic relationship... imagine a girl understanding love + a controlling and jealous father + a toxic boyfriend = obviously nothing good was going to come out from it.

But well, the thing is that when you come from a family that instead of teaching you how to have a boyfriend, what to do with your boyfriend, what attitudes are correct or not... they prefer to force you just not to have him and no and no... and me as a rebel without a cause i did it anyways, hidden, (because the worst thing you can do to a teenager is to forbid him something without explanation) i was left in the problem without help and without supervision... a relationship where the boy looked for me when he wanted, stopped talking to me when he wanted, didn't give me the importance or attention and was the typical womanizer of the class... and of course, like all women, i was in love with my supposed prince charming (which by the way, romantic movies and Disney fill us with unrealistic ideas of what love is, but this topic is enough for another post). I didn't even pay attention to my friends... and as a consequence, i lost them because i spent more time with my boyfriend than with my friends, who, of course, i could only see at school because my parents wouldn't let me go out with him, this was expected to happen.

Then it turns out that my ¨friends¨ were not really my friends, they spent their time criticizing others and envying me... one of them took it upon herself to tell her mom what i was doing, this reached the ears of my parents and the war began in my house. That i don't have to go into much detail, but for those who don't know about Latino homeschooling, it can be a clue that it's very aggressive and violent.

After that, they made me break up with the kid but i kept going to ¨more hidden¨. This was almost at the beginning of the relationship, then the problems started, i used to break up with him because he didn't pay attention to me, then he used to come and apologize to me... we lasted 1 month happy and then it happened again... a vicious circle.


Pero para entrarte en contexto lo primero que debo decir es que vengo de una familia que es muy machista y tengo un papá muy controlador... y como buena coqueta que soy tuve mi primer novio a los 14 años, mi primer novio y además de esto mi primera relación toxica... imagínate una nena entendiendo el amor + un padre controlador y celoso + un novio tóxico = obviamente no iba a salir nada bueno de allí.

Pero nada el tema es que cuando vienes de una familia que en vez de enseñarte cómo tener un novio, qué hacer con tu novio, que actitudes son correctas o no... prefieren obligarte a no tenerlo y que no y que no... y yo como rebelde sin causa lo hacia a escondidas, (porque a un adolescente lo peor que puedes hacer es prohibirle algo sin explicación) quedé metida en el problema sin ayuda y sin supervisión... una relación en donde el chico me buscaba cuando quería, me dejaba de hablar cuando le daba la gana, no me daba la importancia ni atención y era el típico mujeriego del curso... y claro como toda enamorada, de mi supuesto príncipe azul ( que eso es otro problema, las películas románticas y el mundo de Disney nos llenan de ideas irreales de lo que es el amor, pero ya este es tema suficiente para otro post ) no le hacia caso ni a mis amigos... que por consecuencia los perdí porque me pasaba más tiempo con mi novio que con mis amigos, que claro como solo lo podía ver en el colegio porque no me dejaban salir con él, era de esperarse que esto iba a pasar.

Luego resulta que mis ¨amigos¨ no eran realmente mis amigos, se la pasaban criticando a los demás y envidiando... una se encargó de decirle a su mamá lo que yo estaba haciendo, esto llegó a oídos de mis padres y comenzó la guerra en mi casa. Que no tengo que entrar mucho en detalle, pero para el que no conoce la educación en casa latina, puede tener como pista que es bien agresiva y violenta.

Después de eso, me hicieron terminar con el chico pero yo seguía a ¨escondidas¨. Esto fué casi al inicio de la relación, luego fueron comenzando los problemas, yo le terminaba porque no me ponía atención, luego el venía y me pedía perdón... durábamos 1 mes contentos y luego volvía a pasar... un círculo vicioso.


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To all this we add the philosophy that i was taught at home that girls cannot have many boyfriends because if i do, i´m a whore. What does it lead to? To search in that relationship for what was not there, to want to keep trying, to endure, to give thousands of unnecessary opportunities, to forgive when he did not deserve it, because of course... since i had already fallen in love with this guy i had to do everything possible to keep going because otherwise i would probably be left by ¨jamona¨ (a woman who reaches an old age without a husband is called a jamona in my country).

And the moment came when everything lined up, i was left in a position where i didn't count on my friends, my family, my boyfriend, or the school because everything you did was gossiped about, all this inside the mind of a developing teenager, was on the mouth of the whole class because of what i was going through, with a million insecurities, with lack of attention, with no purpose in life and with the helplessness of feeling that i couldn't do anything about it... they made me go into depression and i even tried to take my own life on several occasions.

BUT i survived and here i am alive and kicking... and the truth is that thanks to this i learned a lot, i know what i want and don't want in a relationship, i understand that just because someone is your family doesn't mean that they are not human and can be wrong, i know that we can choose with the people we interact with and that friends are the family that one chooses, i know that to life has to smile for it to smile at you. If i stay ¨jamona¨ i don´t give a fuck. If someone let me down, i'll send them to the hel*. If you want to speak ill of me, i will send you an email with the address so that you can go to .... well you know where they go hahaha. Many people tell me that i know a lot about life when i'm so young, but i say that I had to learn early on how to survive in life.

A todo esto le agregamos la filosofía que me enseñaron en mi casa de que uno no puede tener muchos novios porque si lo hace es una cuero... ¿A qué me lleva? A buscar en esa relación lo que no había, a querer seguir intentándolo, a aguantar, a dar miles de oportunidades innecesarias, a perdonar cuando no lo merecía, porque claro... como ya me había enamorado de este chico tenía que hacer todo lo posible por seguir adelante porque de lo contrario posiblemente me quedaba ¨jamona¨ (se le dice jamona a la mujer que llega a una vieja edad sin esposo).

Y llegó el momento en que todo se alineó, quedé en una posición en la que no contaba ni con mis amigos, ni con mi familia, ni en mi novio, ni con la escuela porque todo lo que uno hacía lo chismoseaban... todo esto dentro de la mente de una adolescente en pleno desarrollo, estaba en boca de todo el curso por lo que estaba pasando, con un millón de inseguridades, con falta de atención, sin propósito en la vida y con impotencia de sentir que no podía hacer nada al respecto... me hicieron entrar en depresión y hasta intenté quitarme la vida en varias ocasiones.

PERO sobreviví y aquí estoy vivita y coleando... y la verdad es que gracias a esto aprendí muchísimo, sé lo que quiero y no quiero en una relación, entiendo que porque alguien sea tu familia no significa que no sea humano y pueda equivocarse, sé que podemos elegir con la gente que interactuamos y que los amigos son la familia que uno escoge, sé que a la vida hay que sonreírle para que te sonría. Si me quedo ¨jamona¨ me vale ver**. Si me defraudan los mando a la verga. Si quieren hablar mal de mí les mando un correo con la dirección para que se vayan a la ....... bueno ya sabes a dónde se van hahaha. Muchos me dicen que sé mucho sobre la vida siendo tan joven, pero yo digo que me tocó temprano aprender a sobrevivir en ella.


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These are some teachings that i learned along the way and i think they can be useful to anyone.

A friend who speaks ill of another friend in front of you, you can be sure that he speaks the same of you in front of others.

Don't believe all the Disney and love movies, they are NOT REAL.

Love is not demanded, it is expected, and if it doesn't come, look elsewhere.

Don't forbid something to a teenager because he or she will do it anyway.

Never end a relationship in the middle of an argument... end it when you know there is no going back.

If you've already broken up with someone, DON'T STUMBLE ON THE SAME STONE.

There are more people in the world, you don't have to marry the first one you meet.

Don't worry about what the bad tongues say, they will always have an opinion.

Love yourself, before you try to love someone else.

Well this is all for now, thanks a lot for joining me in this little corner with tripod, I apologize for so much bad vibe in the same post, but I promise it won't happen too often, I hope to see you soon... and remember, *good vibes always.

Estas son algunas enseñanzas que aprendí en el camino y creo que le pueden servir a cualquiera:

Un amigo que hable mal de otro amigo alante de tí, puedes estar seguro de que así mismo habla de tí alante de los demás.

No creas en todas las películas de amor y de Disney, NO SON REALES.

El amor no se exige, se espera y si no llega búscalo en otra parte.

No le prohíbas algo a un adolescente porque lo va a hacer de todas formas.

Nunca termines una relación en medio de una discusión... termina cuando ya sepa que no hay vuelta atrás.

Si ya terminaste con alguien, NO VUELVAS A TROPEZARTE CON LA MISMA PIEDRA.

Hay más gente en el mundo, no hay que casarse con el primero que uno encuentre.

No te preocupes por lo que dicen las malas lenguas, ellos siempre van a tener algo que opinar.

Quiérete a ti misma, antes de intentar querer a otro.

Bueno esto es todo por ahora, gracias mil por acompañarme en este rinconcito con tripode, disculpame por tanta mala vibra en un mismo post, pero prometo que no pasará muy seguido, espero verte pronto... y recuerda, buenas vibras siempre.

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I publish today in this beautiful community:

Ladies of Hive, @ladiesofhive because i feel it is a subject that has happened to many, those of us who live in a macho society. And i feel that this community is partly for that, to help us as the beautiful and powerful women that we are and to be able to express ourselves.

This is my entry for the 30 Day Blog Challenge, iniciated by @cwow2, and recommended by my friend @starstrings01, if you want to participate just take the following image and start writing your posts with the tag #bloggingchallenge. And if you want to join our Discord community.

Also have some great writers joining the cause @suffgrace @macchiata @wolfofnostreet @officialuroga @jizzyjoe @rollinshive @cosmictriage @buttonn @suzn.poudel @martinstomisin @eyes.style @rickardoh and @beckie96830 always glad to support each other in this wonderful challenge! Can´t wait to see the next days to come.


Publico hoy en esta hermosa comunidad:
@ladiesofhive, Ladies of Hive porque siento que es un tema que le pasado a muchas, las que vivimos en una sociedad machista. Y siento que esta comunidad en parte es para eso, para ayudarnos como las hermosas y poderosas mujeres que somos y poder expresarnos.

Esta es mi entrada para el 30 Day Blog Challenge, iniciado por @cwow2, y recomendado por mi amigo @starstrings01, si quieres participar solo toma la siguiente imagen y empieza a escribir tus posts con la etiqueta #bloggingchallenge. Y si quieres únete a nuestra comunidad de Discord.

También tenemos algunos grandes escritores que se unen a la causa @lauramica @janettyanez @jizzyjoe @kattycrochet @manuelramos @wesp05 @jesymarcano92 @lorennys @alexa.art @daysiselena @giocondina @truelovemom @fmbs25 @mariolbi @tormenta @elcorrecamino @mariela53 y @josehany siempre encantados de apoyarse mutuamente en este maravilloso desafío! No puedo esperar a ver los próximos días.

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Past links of the challenge:

Day 01: My blog name
Day 02: 20 facts about me
Day 03: My favorite quote
Day 04: Dream job
Day 05: Proudest moment
Day 06: What am i afraid of
Day 07: My favorite songs
Day 08: 5 Current goals
Day 09: Best trip
Day 10: Ten favorite foods
Day 11: Childhood book
Day 12: Healthy habits
Day 13: 5 years from now
Day 14: Thoughts of education
Day 15: My favorite movie
Day 16: What makes me happy?
Day 17: What makes me sad?
Day 18: If i win the lottery
Day 19: A confession
Day 20: Earliest childhood memory
Day 21: Guilty pleasure
Day 22: Traits i´m proud of
Day 23: Piercing / tatto´s
Day 24: First Hollywood crush.
Day 25: My spirit animal
Day 26: Pet peeves

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Had your first boyfriend at 14 Wow!. I had my first and only girlfriend at 18,now ex. It was even through pressure from friends though, some thought I was gay because I did not give girls attention or wasn't really the norm type of guy (was a little bit nerdy), anyway I was like that because I never really survived the rejection I got back then at high school but anyway I got a girlfriend thereafter and was my first but after I graduated from college, things didn't flow and kept enjoying my single life. I'm quite used to it anyway.

About you, It is not every time parents have to be hard on things, would have been better for you if they had been close and try to know how things were going on with you.

Exactly... society leads us to suffer a lot and to have to be molded the way they want... when we are simply different and that´s perfectly ok. Thank you for your beautiful visit.

Phewww....now that's quite a read. Above all, I'm glad you learned valuable lessons. I especially like the one about putting yourself first and setting everyone straight regardless of who they are

Yeahh, it was long to live it also hahaha, good that you liked the phrases!

Lolz....

which by the way, romantic movies and Disney fill us with unrealistic ideas of what love is,

That statement is absolutely true. The Disney land will paint love in a way you will so much long for it until you find out things are not always black and white in the real world 😅

That's right... real life has nothing to do with it and makes many people break their hearts because they expect their life as a film.

Yea, well one way or the other, experience will surely teach all that that shit ain't real😂

En primer lugar, te felicito por ser valiente y mostrar a todos tus lectores que detrás de una gran sonrisa, pueden existir grandes experiencias que marcan en la vida. No es fácil mostrar a los demás nuestras vivencias, y más si son tan desagradables y tóxicas.
En lo personal, jamás he vivido algo similar pero al ponerme en tus zapatos, no puedo evitar juzgarme como hombre. ¿Por qué? sencillo, le cause dolor en el pasado a una joven que se enamoró de mi pero yo de ella no.
En segundo lugar, doy gracias a Dios porque hayas superado esos momentos tan oscuros en tu vida y le agradezco por regalarme la dicha de conocerte y compartir contigo este tipo de vivencias que nos hacen reales y humanos, y que forman nuestro carácter y determinación, preparándonos para las bendiciones futuras que tenemos por gracia divina.
A ese, también agradezco por haber sido tan patán, porque ayudo a forjar la mujer que eres hoy, una dama muy centrada y enfocada, luchadora e inquieta. Segura de si misma, con metas claras y sobre todo, con una hermosa sonrisa que contagia a millas de distancia.
Por último, te doy las gracias por superar tales situaciones y no haber muerto en aquella oscuridad, porque debido a eso hoy conozco a una gran mujer, con una calidad humana maravillosa y con un temple envidiable.
Que tu futuro sea exitoso, miles de besos y abrazos infinitos.
M.A.C.

Mil gracias Rafa por tu hermoso comentario, la verdad es que sí, aprendí bien joven... pero no me arrepiento de absolutamente nada, porque todo lo que viví, así mismo como dices, es lo que me hace quien soy hoy en día... y la verdad es que estoy muy orgullosa de mí y de haber podido aprender de mis errores.

Y si, fué bien difícil haber traído eso de nuevo a mi cabeza... pero creo que esto tal vez le pueda ayudar a alguna persona, y pueda aprender de mis errores para no tener que cometerlos.

Eres todo un sol Rafa, hahahah
M.A.C.

It certainly sounds like you had some really rough times in your life and I am so sorry to hear that, but I'm sure that those experiences have also made you a much more aware, strong and resilient person because of them.

As you said, you are here now, alive and well to tell the tales, so lets hope that they remain the only bad tales that you ever need to tell.

Congratulations for surviving, thriving and flying free like a butterfly. 😊

Thank you very much for your beautiful commentary, the truth is that yes, i learned very young... but i don't regret anything at all, because everything i lived, just as you say, is what makes me who i am today... and the truth is that i am very proud of myself and of having been able to learn from my mistakes.

And yes, it was very difficult to bring that back into my head... but i think that maybe this can help some people, and i can learn from my mistakes so i don't have to make them.

Yeah absolutely, you don't live your life being the victim and going nowwhere, but become the survivor and grow.

As much as I believe that people need to learn form their own mistakes, there's no harm learning from others mistakes, infact I was just saying that to a friend last night, when I said that I was going to check the oil and water in the car even though I'm pretty sure it's ok (it hasn't been driven for months now since I've been in lockdown and its not my car...) and he said why and I said because our other friend didn't check the oil and water in his car and blew it up last week so I'm learning from his mistake....

And as much as it's about telling you story so it resonates with others and they can learn form it too, just the act of writing it can be very cathartic too, atleast that's what I find anwyay, so good on you, you have done a great thing for now and the future hiveans that read it.

Thank you very much for your beautiful words! Hopefully it will be as you say and that it will work for whoever reads it!

AND YES! You should go down urgently and check the car, when they have a lot of time without using it, the parts get damaged. I also recommend you to go around the block, so that the engine moves and that the battery is not damaged.

For some your story will resonate immediately, for many it will plant a seed in the back of their minds and then that seeds will sprout for each person when the time is right, so eventually, everyone will learn something from your story.

Yes, I can drive the car now as today is the first day without a lockdown- well kind of, so I will take it for a spin around the block on Wednesday and then next week take it for a drive somewhere so it too can get some sunshine and fresh air! 😃

I truly hope so! Thank you so much for your lovely visit! Have a nice day!

I kinda understand what you went through, but its good to know that you came out pretty strong with good lesson for others to take note of. Thanks for this beautiful write up

That's how it was, i don't regret anything because i learned a lot from it, thank you very much for stopping by.

Hmmm, we actually are human, at one point in our lives we have made terrible decisions that we don't even bother what the end may result to, 😅 it's actually true not to

forbid something to a teenager because he or she will do it anyway.

Children in this generation are very sharp and always eager to know more about life, if the parents decide not to tell them course they fill they are too young to have or know about that then they are deceiving themselves course if they don't life will always bring it there way.
Nice right up you really poured out your mind 😂😜

Nice right up you really poured out your mind 😂😜

Didn´t get this..?

And yeahh parents shouldn´t be so overprotectives.

I mean you didn't care of what people will think about what you noted down.

i don´t give a fuck. If someone let me down, i'll send them to the hel*. If you want to speak ill of me, i will send you an email with the address

Ahhhhh yes at the end of the day people love to have an opinion... and since none of them support me or give my day to day food, i don't care much.

I like that spirit 💪 😜

😂💪💪💪💪💪💪💪

Ser un adolescente es muy difícil, lograste pasar todo esto y ahora eres una chica más fuerte y feliz. En la vida debemos es aprender para ir hacia el futuro y vamos poco a poco. Un abrazo enorme!

Así mismo es, uno pasa por muchas crisis existenciales hahahahha

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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Thank you so much for the support!!!😍

Estas experiencias horribles son las que te hacen crecer de golpe. Pero ahora que ya pasaste por lo peor vas a saber distinguir lo que es verdaderamente bueno y no vas a dejar que nadie haga lo que quiera con vos. Fuerza, mujer 💪😃

Tienes toda la razón! Y no me arrepiento de nada, todo lo que he hecho y me ha pasado me han formado como soy... y no lo cambiaría por nada.

Bueno, tal vez si me dan a elegir una familia multimillonaria lo pienso hahahahaha

Me sentí bastante identificada, mi primera relación fue extremadamente tóxica viví atada a esa persona 5 años y era como un vicio que no podia dejar, mi familia no era tan estricta al menos mi mamá pero mi papá si era muy muy delicado con eso definitivamente en esa etapa tan joven no podemos ver con claridad algunas cosas pero la vida poco a poco nos va enseñando a no volver a caer en manos de personas toxicas

Sii, ya yo estoy que veo la toxicidad de lejos hhahahahahaha me huele cuando llega uno así. Gracias por leerme nena, que bonita tu visita.

Reading this, I remembered my conversation with my students in class and their reaction to my conversation shows how right I was. Parents protect and prevent their children from doing things without giving them a reason. When a young teenage is been ask not to do something without a reason, that's when they do it, they will definitely rebel. So, what I told my students is what I will tell you, IF YOUR PARENTS WOULDN'T GIVE YOU GOOD COUNSELLING, PLEASE TALK TO ME, I WILL LISTEN AND SHARE MY THOUGHT WITH YOU WITHOUT JUDGING.

Thanks for sharing this post.

You're absolutely right, I learned the hard way... but I learned it and thank you very much for making yourself available. Now I try that everything I do, or don't do, is of my own will... not because someone else tells me to, that's why I also find it very hard to believe in religions and history, at the end of the day they are all opinions of other human beings... that there is some superpowerful force, GOD? I do believe it... but I don't believe in people who make it up their own way.

Thanks a lot for reading me and for your time. You are great!

You're welcome

Some of those situations ring so personally familiar in any culture and country, solid advice I can agree on.

Thanks for sharing @tripode 🤗❤️

Thank you for stopping by!! It´s very appreciated the time.

Why it really seemed so valuable. It seems not really go success but now you are still alive now.
I really hate the situation as I gave 100 % to that person but the way I got back its not valid.
Thank you so much for sharing this

We have to learn how to choose our life partners, that is what we are not taught at home.

Thank you very much for reading me.

That's really valuable. But the way you still alive now that prove you are strong enough.
I used to hook myself to other but I found not its not really in good way for me so love myself is the best
Again, thank you for sharing