Ladies of Hive Contest #8 : If you suddenly became a single parent, to whom or where would you go for support? by @kerrislravenhill

in Ladies of Hive3 months ago (edited)

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It was almost sundown when I took this picture. Below is the tomb of my eldest daughter who died at the age of 18. Actually, it was her birthday last November 16. With the questions assigned for the contest, I preferred to answer question #2 because it relates to the photo above.

If you suddenly became a single parent, to whom or where would you go for support?

  • In situations such as this, I would say that the best person to turn to is your mother though it seems to be the reverse because it's the mother who happens to be the last person to know. That's the irony of it!

More often than not, we often turn to our best friends whenever we have meager to serious problems! The reason is that you expect some comfort towards the situation you are in and not to be lectured like any other moms would do. It is because mother's tend to react on impulse just like me.

Well, it is but a normal reaction to think of the fact that we have given all the love and care to our little princess, with high hopes of giving her the best things in life and now she's preggy! Just like that?

To make the story short, this happened to my 16-year old daughter and she's my eldest. It was a shock on my part when I found out. She was still in her college years. I felt the whole world dropped in front of me. I have learned later on the she confided to her best friend since they were kids and they didn't knew what to do then.

I just arrived from office when two of my sister-in-laws approached me, saying that they have something to tell me. I saw that my daughter was behind their so I immediately got the message with my eyes wide open! I asked who's the father?

The cat was finally out of the bag and I was able to regain my composure. That night, I cried silently. I feared for what lies ahead of my daughter's future. She was still a minor during that time and the guy was 7 years her senior and still in college as well. The family went to our house to pay respect. Unfortunately, they still have to wait until she turns 18. I told her to expect for the worse because there are still those who prey on other's downfall.

We parents stood beside her all the way. It was the time when she needed our support most of all. But it was not enough. She was not able to face the challenge. She took her own life, living behind her 8-month old baby on November 27, 1997.

In answer to the question raised, I still believe that our best friends are the most reliable person whom we can turn to for moral support and the rest follows.

For single parents out there, never follow what my daughter did. You need to be brave enough to face the consequences because you're not alone and hey, this is the new era. People are more open-minded unlike before so raise your child and love him/her because they are a gift from God. God bless us all!

Thanking @kerrislravenhill for this contest.

I am inviting @diosarich, @jurich60 and my dear sis @olivia08 to join us here.
Till then,
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I can only imagine what sort of cultural pressure your daughter must have felt under to take her own life and I can only imagine how painful this loss was for you.

I'm from England and in 1990 my sister fell pregnant at 16. It wasn't easy for her, but she had support and there wasn't the judgement on teen pregnancies by this time that there used to be. She did have to fight postnatal depression along with anorexia and bulimia, so even without that judgement it's a lot to handle mentally.

It was mental torture to us all but I have to keep my sanity and better judgement for the sake of my kids who were still in their primary years. Well, it's a Catholic school and against their rules so they say, but where's humanity there? It was an eye-opener for those who have experienced this kind of situation.

Post partum is hard to handle too. It's mental anguish. So how is she now?

She is better than then, but there were always ups and downs. The teen years for her son were hard as he ended up on drugs and is still trying to pick his life back up. He'll be 30 soon and still at home, struggling to hold a job.

She seems like a shining example of success and turning her life around, with a PhD and a government job, but it's a lacquer over the emotional struggles happening underneath. She's never managed to have a long term, stable relationship and gets very lonely at times, but she also separated herself from family early on, both physically and emotionally. I am still close emotionally with her (I was the first to know about her pregnancy), but we are half a world apart physically now, which gets hard when we're in emotional turmoil.

The emotional dips are when she has to fight turning back to the eating disorders, so they are always lurking.

Getting a job is like a security blanket you know. We tend to forget the sorrows and all the heartaches. It's good that you were there too. She needs your moral support. I hope that her son will be able to pick up the pieces and start a new life. It's never too late if the heart is willing.

Thanks for the interaction dear. It's highly appreciated. God bless!

Yes, that is true. Having something you know you hafe to do can keep you sane at times.

Blessings to you too. I'm glad to have come to meet you and your beautiful soul on Hive.

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Oh I'm so, sorry this happened to your family. You must miss her so much. It's unfortunate that young woman feel the weight of social stigma and as you say, post partum is a difficult time emotionally. I am sure you keep her memory alive for your grandchild. X

Yes, I missed her more than ever! It's good that her son has grown to be a fine man. He's now 22 going 23 this coming February. He has a 6-mo. Old baby now and I guess they will marry after his contract at sea. He will board his ship after his 23rd birthday on February. He will leave with heavy heart as he will be missing his daughter who will be 8 months then, the same age when his mom left him. But this time, he will see to it that he will be home for his daughter and wife to be. They're both professionals and am confident that they will be responsible parents.
Thanks for dropping by dear. I feel lighter talking about her. God bless!

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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Thank you! Yeah, sure. I will think and gather my thoughts for my next post. God bless!

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So, sorry for your loss Sis, hirap dalhin ang ganyang situation I congrats you for being brave.

Yes... you Mom! And your best friends!
I'm sorry. The story is very sad. I cannot imagine losing a daughter.

I can imagine all the thoughts that go through your head. For me it would be, "What could I have done differently to have avoided this?" and blamed myself. I have gone through different painful circumstances that had finally faded behind me. A scar remains. And thank God for best friends with arms that hug, and for shoulders to weep upon.

My heartfelt condolences, and Thank you for sharing @sarimanok 🌻

No father or mother, never, ever, should bury a child, it is not natural; That is why I am very sorry for your loss in such dire circumstances. Fortunately, you had the courage, the integrity, to keep raising your youngest children and also your grandson, that shows how brave you are. As for your daughter, I know it is not a consolation, but in the plane in which she is, it is possible that she has already understood what she did and has been able to overcome it; since it is false that suicides are punished an eternity. Greetings and blessings.

Ningún padre o madre, nunca, jamás, debería enterrar a un hijo, no es lo natural; así que siento mucho mucho tu pérdida en tan terribles circunstancias. Afortunadamente tuviste la valentía, la entereza, de seguir criando a tus hijos más pequeños y también a tu nieto, eso demuestra lo valiente que eres. Respecto a tu hija, sé que no es un consuelo, pero en el plano en el que se encuentre es posible que ya haya comprendido lo que hizo y haya podido superarlo; ya que es falso que son castigados una eternidad. Un saludo y bendiciones.