Who I Am

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I am not defined by the things I have.

I am not defined by my social status.

I am not defined by what career I hold.

I am not defined by other’s opinions.

I am not defined by my outer appearance.

This is the way I feel now but it was a long journey getting here.

I’ve always been one to keep the peace and try to make everyone happy.

Is that even possible?

It took me awhile to figure out not everyone will always be pleased with you or with who you are or with what you do. It’s impossible to please everyone at the same time, someone will always be dissatisfied no matter how hard you try.

I was involved in a very long friendship (from middle school to early adulthood) where I didn’t feel free to be who I really was. I was careful to make sure this person was happy and sometimes that meant me changing my opinions or decisions in order to appease them. Their being happy and pleased with me meant more to me than my own happiness…a sad truth it was.

Now when I look back, I realize that was a time in my life when I was the weakest, not strong enough to speak up for myself and willing to feel miserable in order to keep the peace. Eventually it got to the point where I didn’t know who I was supposed to be any more.

I remember when another school friend found out I decided not to finish college and became a stay at home mom. Her response was

I really thought you would do so much more with your life.

Haha yep, this was coming from a woman who decided to go to college and study business. She felt very highly and sure of herself. Since I went another path and didn’t finish college she looked down on me as a failure. It hurt but it didn’t keep me down.

I admit there were times in my life where I let the things I posses or the things I didn’t determine my worth. It got worse when I compared myself to others in my genre.

How could I think these things that fade away, lose it’s quality, become tarnished or eventually break were worth comparing to my value?

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My life and how I valued myself dramatically changed after I got married. God knew exactly who I needed in my life to help me through some tough lessons and situations.

My husband helped me overcome so many things I was battling and encouraged me in so many ways. I love how he was honest with me even when it hurt. He said the things I needed to hear and stood by my side no matter what.

We grew in Christ together and I was reminded it’s in Him that I define myself. I have done nothing in my own strength but He who loves me the most sent the people in my life at the right time to save me from my drowning.

Now as a forty year old wife and mother there is really not much that gets under my skin. It’s also easier for me to walk away from toxic situations.

From the things I’ve experienced and what I allowed myself to go through back then I now know better that my happiness does matter and that I am not living my life to please others. I do not have to be what others think I should be and my priories do not have to align with theirs.

I don’t need a pat on the back to know I’m doing a good job.

I don’t need anyone’s approval to know my worth.

I don’t need a like or vote to know the quality I posses.

I don’t need to be liked in order to like myself.

I don’t need an invitation to feel I belong.

Who I am is who I was meant to be and I love who that is. Stronger, wiser, not easily swayed.

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𝑀𝒶𝓉𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓌 5:13-16


I thank @buckaroobaby for the tag and mentioning she would love hearing my answer to this question:

Are you who you want to be?

This contest is being hosted by @ladiesofhive.

This is not an official entry but the question was so compelling that I wanted to take the time to answer it. It definitely made me dig deep and reflect on the past events of my life.

All photos are my own and were taken with our Cannon EOS Rebel T6.


♥️



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35 comments
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@crosheille absolutely correct it’s impossible to please everyone honestly, just do the best you can and leave the rest you don’t have to kill your self

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Exactly so @smilestitches. Thank you. 😉

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Yes ooo @crosheille just be who you are ! And stay true to yourself don’t fake anything to make someone happy or placed with you

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I know this now. This was something I struggled with in my younger years. I’ve been free and true to myself for quite some time now.

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Now this is one powerful article! Kudos to you for standing up for your choices and finally discovering your inner strenght! A diploma does not guarantee success or good character. A really strong person with morals will never feel good by putting other people down, that's for sure.
I look at the mother role as being the most difficult for a woman and to maintain a happy marriage is also a challenge as well. You have done great ! God bless you!

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Thank you so much @creativemary! Thank you for your feedback on my article and expressing that you thought it was powerful. I was hoping to encourage others that they don’t have to wait for validation from others. I see so many live their lives this way and it’s heartbreaking because I know what that’s like.

A diploma does not guarantee success or good character.

Yes!! So true! You know what’s funny? That very same person who used to look down on me told me years later after she got married and had a child

I don’t see how you’ve done this for so long. Being a wife and mother of five is a lot of work and dedication.

It wasn’t that I was waiting for an apology from her but hearing that did make me feel proud of what I had in my life and that I chose my family over what others thought I should do. 😌

Thank you so much again for your encouraging words ~ ❤️

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Family is the most important thing in the whole world, you can't buy it and there is constant work to make those relationships meaningful and happy.

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Absolutely so!! I couldn’t have said it better ~

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A nice story. You met the right person who got you through at all. That's your husband. You're lucky. Trying to please others only hurts us more. yes, that is right. thank you for your story.

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Thank you @kimloan. Yes, I surely did meet the right person. Trying to please the world was so draining and it was consuming my life and suffocating the real me inside. It feels amazing to live in this freedom of making my own choices and not worrying about who will be disappointed in me. As long as I am honoring God and my husband is pleased I'm all good. 😄

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(Edited)

It is called wholeness. It takes a long and difficult road of expectations and disappointments, intimacy and rejection, happiness and bitterness to comprehend it all..
I am happy for you that you have found yourself in Christ, and your life is filled with peace and harmony)

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Wow very well said because I do feel whole now. I was working hard to please the wrong thing which is people when my focus should always first be on pleasing my Heavenly Father. When pleasing others gets in the way of that then I know I’m on the wrong path.

Thank you, I am extremely happy as well. May I ask, have you found yourself in Christ? It seems from your response that you have.

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You have received 5 LADY(LOH) tokens for entering the ladies of Hive contest.

Please note that since our LOH token is still so new, that it will be worth more if we HOLD them for a bit before trying to sell them. Some have been trying to sell them immediately after receiving them, but holding them for a bit will help them to increase in value! We are working behind-the-scenes to try to keep the price stable, but the "sell orders" are hampering the stabilization of the price of this new token. Please hold on to your tokens. Thank you! 🙂

Tenga en cuenta que, dado que nuestro token LOH todavía es tan nuevo, valdrá más si los MANTENEMOS por un tiempo antes de intentar venderlos. Algunos de ustedes han estado tratando de venderlos inmediatamente después de recibirlos, ¡pero retenerlos por un tiempo les ayudará a aumentar su valor! Estamos trabajando entre bastidores para tratar de mantener estable el precio, pero las "órdenes de venta" están obstaculizando la estabilización del precio de este nuevo token. ¡Considere esperar! ¡Gracias! 🤗
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We grew in Christ together and I was reminded it’s in Him that I define myself. I have done nothing in my own strength but He who loves me the most sent the people in my life at the right time to save me from my drowning.

Right there is why I love you. ❤️

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You are so kind @crosheille many days you spend with special people near you, friends, relatives it's the only way to be social, you are an independent woman! :)

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Great to see that you have a person to help you get through some bad phases in your life. I also love to hear that you don't need the validation of others regarding your life, that's something that more people should have.

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Thank you very much @humbledwriter. I was hoping this post encourages others to not feel they have to be validated by others. It's not a good place to be in because it holds you back and limits your life. It's so freeing to feel the way I do and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment ~

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yes, beautiful lines .... that is why husband is called as better half after parents if somebody really loves n care for you is your husband... i will participate in the contest.... thanks for sharing ..

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Thank you @gargi!

Well I got in pretty late on this contest as it is now over. But this community always has a contest running so please do check and look at contest #53 which has just been posted. 😉

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This is not an official entry but the question was so compelling that I wanted to take the time to answer it.

But it probably could and should be. With the deep and meaningful answer in the post, it would easily be qualified as an entry, and probably be one of the bests, if not the best.

The answer in this post can literally change (improve) a person's viewpoint about him/her, and thus change his/her whole life.

People just/only have to read it, and think about it.

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Wow thank you for such amazing and supportive feedback!

I knew my article would qualify as an official entry but I didn't want to be in the running for the reward because I felt someone else could use it more than I could. I've been really blessed to have the support I have here and just wanted to make sure it wouldn't go to me (not saying I would have won by no means, but just in case). 😊

I hope my experiences shared here will help someone else who is currently struggling with the same things I did. I wish for everyone to be free as I have grown to be. When I look back I can’t believe I went so long living my life like that. It’s so unhealthy to feel you need validation and approval to determine your worth and to sacrifice your happiness to keep others “happy”.

Thanks so much for this comment, it was nice to read ~

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She felt very highly and sure of herself. Since I went another path and didn’t finish college she looked down on me as a failure. It hurt but it didn’t keep me down.

Sometimes I feel like those who find ways to feel disappointed at someone's choices in life are in some way not entirely happy with the choices they made for themselves.

I'm happy you met with someone who was able to help you become who you truly are. It's sweet to see you both grew in Christ together!

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I agree with that statement. It may appear they are happy and have it all together but we just never know all a person is really dealing with, feeling or going through.

Thank you so much. I have been truly and wonderfully blessed ~ 😊

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My grandmother used to say " You can please some of the people some of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time" Beautifully summed up in your life in a very quick write @crosheille (compared to me who took all week)

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That saying rings a lot of truth that took time for me to learn and live by.

Lol thanks. I really wanted to get it in before the contest was completely over. I already had an idea what to write after reading yours ;)

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