Every single person have use this phrase, knowingly or unknowingly, some as a question and others as an expression of how they feel at that moment. You here them say, "Life is not fair" or you will here some ask, "is life really fair?" With the way life present each day, one would definitely argue that life is fair for some and not fair for the others. So, what do you consider fair to be, for me, I know and feel that, for something or someone to be fair, it's must be in accordance with the rules or standards of that particular thing.
There you have it, what seems to be the problem for so many persons, the rules. I remember asking some group of persons what they feel rules are and someone gave me a response that I agreed with. Rules are very much subjective, he said, and when asked what he meant by that, he responded saying, each person or group of persons has created a set of standard by which they deem to be fair. People create different rules that seems fair enough to them but keep forgetting that these same rules might have great effect on other persons.
Laws are created in the society to decide what is and is not appropriate in regards to behaviour. Not everyone believes or will agree with the overall standard of the laws in the society. Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong, each person has their version of what they feel is right and what they feel is wrong and the standard or each person may or may not be in accordance with the rules or standards.
Why do people argue? They argue because they want the other person to agree with their point of view. Okay, Let's come back to the idea so many persons have put in their mind of "life not being fair". So many things do happen in our lives that we don't always like or sometimes we feel we don't get what we think we truly deserve. But, does this really mean that life is not fair to us? Don't you think we all have set standards that now determine what we now believe to be right and wrong? Because of these standards, when we don't get what we truly desire, we conclude that life is not fair.
For me though, I think life is fair, but our perceptions and ideals affect our understanding of thinks. When I conclude on what I believe is the absolute best thing for me, this actually limit what life is actually suppose to be, it then becomes very difficult to accept life for what it is truly offering. We spend so much time trying to fit the world around us into our ideal of perfect. For you to feel less of the pain or to see life as being fair, you must view life as two sides of a coin. On one side you have what you want and on the other side you have what life is really about. The closer you bring these two sides, the less pain you feel and in that moment you begin to accept reality. Understand that I am not saying you should stop having standards, but I am trying to explain that when the result we desire, we don't get it, we should understand that it is less about fairness and more about our current belief system.
So many things are happening in the world that appears to be just awful, but if we are honest enough, we will see that many things we don't like are as a result of our personal belief of fairness. For us to understand each other and also understand ourselves in this world it is important that we let go of our personal built-in ideas of life and accept that everyone thinks differently. Honestly, there are really no right or wrong way of living in this world, it's a case of people and different perceptions.
If you are one of those persons that are struggling with life not being fair, then perhaps seeing a therapist can help to direct you on what fairness really means to you and how you can shorten that pain gap that most people in such situation feels inside. Understand that, existence does not work according to our needs, wants, ideas, desires or beliefs. No one really understand how existence works, why life comes at us the way it does. Some might call it fate, others believe in past life karma and some believe it's all luck and chance. The honest truth is, NO ONE REALLY KNOW IF LIFE IS FAIR OR NOT, everyone just have a different standard of what they feel is right or wrong.
This is my entry to ecoTrain's question of the week season 6 #5: IS LIFE FAIR? The topic for the week really hit me, I just could not resist writing about it, by the way, this is the second time I am making an entry to ecoTrain's question of the week, I look forward to more interesting topics from this particular initiative. Thanks for bringing this topic, I'm glad I could come up with something for it.
Thanks for reading!