Grandpa Gotta Eat: Jalapeño Poppers & Bacon Wrapped Stuffed Jalapeños

Good evening, and welcome to this edition of Grandpa Gotta Eat.

Since the end of July, my wife and I have been enjoying the status of empty nesters again. This is probably our third time.

In case you're not familiar with the term, imagine having children, watching them grow up, and then, on what can only be referred to as a golden, wonderful, magical day, the last one moves out of the house.

Forever.

That's called an empty nest. Papa bird and Mama bird get the whole house to themselves and can plan the rest of their lives together, free of any other influences.

Yeah, right.

Unlike birds, human children tend to come back. Again and again and again. Eventually, though, they manage to get out on their own and stay there. I'll let you know when that finally happens.

Right now, though, except for the oldest grandson, who likes to do weekend sleepovers at our house and figures he should bring his parents along for the ride (he's two), it's just me and her.

What That Does To Planning Dinner

If you know your way around a recipe or two, you'll note that most are designed for more than two people. At least twice that many, maybe more. It's not impossible to cook a meal using that math you learned in school and thought you'd never use, or asking Alexa to do it for you, but there's only so many times you can divide a teaspoon before it gets a bit awkward and tedious.

Then, factor in that one or both of you might not be that hungry because of eating a big lunch or eating lunch late—basically, there's not really any incentive to go to all that work and trouble to cook a dinner no one is really into, and then clean up afterwards.

Enter The Frozen Box Of Jalapeños

My wife is from Mexico City, where they actually do use chiles to spice up their food. One of the most common, albeit mostly mild varieties is the jalapeño.

Short Spanish Lesson

Like most Spanish words, the word jalapeño isn't pronounced the way its spelled. At least not in English. The "j" sounds like an "h", the "a" is an "ah" sound, and the "e", well it sounds like a long "a." "O", however, is a long "o", so there's that.

The last little quirk has to do with the "n". It's not really an "n." See that squiggly over the top of it? In English, it's called a tilde, or an accent mark. It changes how the "n" is pronounced. Basically, it converts it to an "ny" sound. In Spanish, it's pronounced eñe, or en-yay.

All together, jalapeño is "ha-la-pain-yo", which might describe your misery after eating too many if "ha-la" meant "I'm in" and you were trying to be hip in the 80s or 90s.

End lesson. Back to the box in the frozen section of Costco.

The Reason We're Talking Jalapeños

Recently, my wife and I tried a couple of different takes on jalapeños as an appetizer, or its own food item, simply because we weren't that hungry at dinner time. Plus, there was a "try something new" element to it. Normally, the green chile might be blended into a salsa verde, or chopped up in a pico de gallo, but in this case, the jalapeños were actually the main focus.

Jalapeño Poppers

The first we tried came in the form of poppers, meaning, I'm assuming, because they were bite sized. You pop them in your mouth and eat them. However, not only are the poppers breaded, but they're also stuffed. With cream cheese. In my experience, more than one bite is required to prevent spitting up cream cheese all over you.

Mainly, because the jalapeños used to make these poppers are among the fattest I've seen. Which is good, since they've been injected with a pretty healthy dose of the cream cheese. Even after a smallish pepper is gutted, there's not much room to put anything in it. These are not bell peppers, after all.

Baking them couldn't be easier. Unless you prefer a deep fried popper (which I wouldn't recommend, but hey, it's your funeral), here's what you do:

• Find the instructions on the box
• Follow the instructions

I've provided a picture of said instructions, but in case you'd rather see me spell it out, essentially you need to:

• Preheat your oven to 450 degrees
• Take out half of the popper from the package
• Practice proper popper social distancing, preferably on a baking sheet
• Bake for nine minutes. Turn over the poppers. Bake for 8 minutes, 30 seconds (very precise here—don't mess it up)
• Let stand for at least a minute to cool them down. (Yes, that means you remove them from the oven.)

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, This doesn't sound very good at all. If you don't like jalapeños, then you will probably self-fulfill your prophesy with this one. However, if you do like peppers and cream cheese, the combination is pretty good. I'm not that much into breaded anything, so I'd actually eat these without the breaded outer shell.

One thing I will say, it's better to eat them when they're warmer than when they're cooler. The bread tends to get soggy, and whatever good taste it might have had before that is gone.

Now, if you're watching your girlish figure, you might want to slow down on the poppers. Three of them will cost you 260 calories, which is mostly in the bread and the cream cheese since the jalapeño by itself isn't any more than four calories.

I'll leave you to read the rest of the nutritional facts and ingredients on your own.

If you're adventurous, want something quick and not that common, I recommend the jalapeño poppers as either a snack, or in conjunction with something else.

Bacon Wrapped Stuffed Jalapeños

Everyone knows that bacon makes good food great, so it was only a matter of time before someone took some bacon and found a way to improve on a stuffed jalapeño.

In this case, the bacon is wrapped around the chile, which has been stuffed not only with the prerequisite amount of cream cheese, but mozzarella cheese, too. The combination tastes a lot like ricotta, which begs the question: Why didn't they just use ricotta?

Regardless, these babies are worth the baking time.

Here's what you do.

• Get those jalapeños out of the bag as quickly as possible
• Put them on a baking sheet, cut side down. You probably want to use some parchment paper, as they will stick to a metal surface thanks to the melted cheese
• Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Bake for 12 minutes, then flip (not you, the jalapeños!), then bake for 13-18 minutes more depending on how quickly your oven bakes.
• Let cool for a minute.

That's it.

I only got to eat three of them. Not sure what happened to the other dozen, but three was not enough. The bacon and the cheese combination almost makes you forget there's a jalapeño in between. The flavors actually compliment one another and as you go through the layers, you get the applewood smoky goodness of the bacon, the mild spice of the pepper, and the lovely creamy blended flavor of the cheeses.

Delicioso!

After trying the Bacon Wrapped Stuffed Jalapeños, I much prefer them over the poppers.

More please. And soon.

Some Potential Health Benefits Of The Jalapeño

In case you're not convinced you want to get that carried away with poppers or bacon wrapped stuffed jalapeños, here's some things to consider.

According to the Healthline website (which I've summarized considerably and in my own words):

• Jalapeños have Vitamin C, B6, A, and K along with Folate, Manganese, and Fiber. All for the low, low price of four calories.

• They can help you lose weight. I thought this might be because your mouth is on fire and you can't eat anything else, but no, it's due to some metabolism boosting done by something called capsaicin, which promotes fat burn and a natural reduction of appetite.

• Cancer fighting. That mighty capsaicin can also help stop cancer cells from growing and dividing, among other things that keep cancer from spreading

• Might help with pain. No, the burning in your mouth does not distract you from your arthritis. And you won't get pain relief from eating the jalapeños or rubbing them on your skin. Rather, you need creams, lotions or ointments to externally rub on the affected areas. You'll want to look for the ones with, you guessed it, capsaicin in them.

• Help prevent ulcers. Now, this might seem counterintuitive, but according to that pesky truth seeker science, that good old capsaicin found in the peppers might actually stop ulcers from happening at all.

• Help fight infections. According to lab studies anyway, using chili compound extracts. But hey, all kinds of bacteria and toxins could be eliminated by eating a jalapeño a day. Don't go trading them for apples, though. Eat both.

• Healthy Heart. Yeah, capsaicin can help with that, too, from stabilizing blood sugars before a high carb meal to lowering cholesterol. At least in animals. Still waiting on the human trials.

End Of The Road

So, there you have it. Not only could these jalapeño options be snacks or meals that are easy to bake (though they take a tad longer than I personally prefer), but ones that could have some major health benefits.

Who knew?

Mexicans, apparently. And now all of us.

And not a moment too soon, either. It's a royal pain putting that "˜" over the "n" every stinking time.

Thanks for reading.

Until next time...

...Enjoy!

_{All images courtesy of Glen Anthony Albrethsen}