The Revealing - My Healing Journey - My Garden Journal
Sounds like some kind of poem or movie title huh? Heee heee nope won’t be a poem but I just wanted a dramatic title for the revealing of our plant.
Last week I shared with you all the making of our garden and showed you the plants that were around my house.
An important reminder is that I have an extreme fear of bees and wasps due to past traumatic experiences. I’ve briefly wrote about them before but maybe one day I’ll share in detail what happened to me and how it has affected my life. Oh and it has a name...Apiphobia but it just sounds more exciting saying extreme fear.
I am not proud that I have it it’s just the facts.
I don’t want to have a lot of plants that attracts stinging insects to my home. I was told that it’s not a good idea to try to keep bees away as a gardener because they could be helpful to my plants. I get that but the less of them I see the better off we all are.
𝙰𝚜𝚔 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢. 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚞𝚣𝚣𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚛. 😬
I am blamed in my family for creating the fear of buzzing creatures for everyone. My kids, siblings, nieces and nephews have developed this fear from being around me during my dramatic episodes. I try my best to stay calm but when a huge bumble bee is heading my way I just lose it. 😓
It really sucks having such an anxiety like this because I want to be like a normal person that can enjoy the outdoors and not worry about what’s flying around me but...well you know the rest.
Anyhoo, remember this plant and how we were trying to figure out what it was?
I was hoping there wouldn’t be an abundance of flowers coming with it. Well here we go. I went outside just a few days ago and saw what was happening...the budding of flowers. 😨
Each day it started to reveal itself little by little.
I must admit watching the process of a flower blooming was pretty exciting. I have never done this before. My kids were so elated and couldn’t wait to see what it would look like.
Until finally one morning I went out to check the plants around the house. I called the kids outside and they went crazy about how pretty the flower was and how lovely it smelled.
Introducing our beautiful Iris plant...
Guys I think this might be a healing process for me. The first thing my kids said after admiring it’s beauty was
mom please don’t chop it down.
Those words really bothered me. The fact that I was so quick to want to get rid of it if any flowers grew was quite sad.
I couldn’t bring myself to do it for 1) it was too darn beautiful and witnessing the miracle of it’s growth was so touching, connecting and amazing 2) the look on their faces when they pleaded with me not to harm the plant. How can I ignore that?!
I realize that I can’t allow what happened to me ruin these beautiful experiences for my family. I can clearly see that my children already have a love for plants and nature, I won’t interfere with that.
Let the bees buzz on and fly around...
I CAN OVERCOME THIS! I WILL OVERCOME THIS FOR MYSELF AND FOR MY FAMILY’s SAKE.
Who would have known that being captivated by such beauty would cause me to feel this way? I think the fact that I am caring for the plant adds a lot to it. It’s not just some random plant I walk by daily, it’s our plant and I see to it that it’s properly watered and clear of any debris.
Welcome to the garden family gorgeous Iris! 🤗
We await the others to reveal themselves and join the family too.
All photos are my own and were taken with our Cannon EOS Rebel T6.
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Beautiful plant, I'm sure it came to your garden for you to appreciate its beauty and take the step to overcome your fear of bugs. Cheer up!
I believe it did. It's beauty numbed me and completely changed my mind about harming it. I've actually been enjoying the plant even with bumble bees passing through. 😱👀😜
Thanks so much for your comment ~ 😊
Oh, wow, your courage is really admirable!
That's a really beautiful flower, this twist in the plot of your outdoor life couldn't be more decorated bring caused by such a beautiful flower.
I really have the urge to give you an unsolicited advice about bees and wasps, ok here it goes: when you see them you can be rest assured they didn't come for you, they came for the flowers, nectar and stuff like that. They don't mind you much at all, if you stay where you are they wouldn't give a fraction of a fuck about you 😂
Thanks I appreciate that, I'm going to try the be more courageous.
Well whoa that was straight to the point! 😳😅
The right now me is saying
The later on me that hears buzzing coming my way says
I have been told this before, to stand still and not panic but it just doesn’t work for me in that moment. When a bee is buzzing in my ear that tells me they are after me. I know it’s crazy but that’s just how my mind works when I see or hear them. I will try hard to fight that and tell myself they are not out to get me.
Thanks for that advice ~
That's a stunner! I really hope you can overcome your fears, or at least get them to more bearable levels. 🤞
I can't deny it's beauty. It truly is a stunner :)
Thank you. I'm going to really try my best to overcome this. 🙏🏽
I am amazed at your flower photo: photo and flower... wow!!!! So beautiful. It is fascinating to see how such a beautiful flower grows out the green tuft of leaves. I could stop at every tiny plant in our (still a tad) wild garden and admire how nature works. I think it is a wonderful opportunity for your children to grow up with nature and gardening at a fingertip.
And I feel with you and your fear of bees and wasps (are you allergic?), and I think it is very tough to overcome such a intense fear. But fear is such a killer of joy and I admire the steps you already took (I am talking out of experience... I am extremely frightened that someone I love or I myself get ill).
I am looking forward to more of your garden stories <3 <3 Do you plan to grow also vegetable or fruits? (I think I overlooked your last post... I remember a tomato plant... have to look it up)
Thank you! I always get excited when you admire my photos. ☺️
I have been so amazed lately just watching how it slowly reveals itself. It has been a joy seeing how happy the kids are to care for the plants and help with the garden. Yes, we do have vegetables too. We are growing tomatoes, broccoli, head lettuce and cabbage. 😋 Oh and we just planted strawberries I will be posting about next. I’ve been wanting to make my own jam so hopefully we’ll get enough.
It really is a killer of joy and I have realized that for so long. I am thankful my kids spoke up about that plant because it immediately changed my gears. I have been enjoying the Iris plant these last few days even with bumble bees flying around. Of course I had to hold my breath a few times and just close my eyes and kept on about my business. 😌
Thanks always for your sweet remarks and encouraging words ~ ♥️
Yes, please more gardening post - I also want to do this, but I fear my success in gardening is similar like the one in sewing... meaning I feed the snails, birds and worms instead of us and perhaps do everything wrong which is possible :-DDDDD I find gardening even more overwhelming than sewing. Nevertheless, its also a big adventure and sooooo much to learn and to discover (for me). I also have planted tomatoes, broccoli, lettuce and strawberries but as we had a cold spell till today (today temperature rose 15!!!! Degrees from 10 degrees Celsius to 25, crazy weather), most of my plants are inside our improvise hothouse or on the widow sill. Only the salad which I have in a kind of covered growing bed is already fruitful.
(While writing this, I notice I so far shied away from writing garden post, as I have to learn a lot of new English vocabulary ... I do not know all terminology for Anzuchtbeet or Hügelbeet :-DDD)
Perhaps I can incorporate some garden photos in tomorrows #needleworkmonday post
Hahaha thanks, I will definitely be keeping up with my gardening journal. You should do it! Lol, it won’t be that bad, you’d be surprised how well you will do. I am thinking about having potted plants inside too but only we don’t have many great spots with consistent sunlight.
I’m so glad you decided to share some of your garden photos. I really enjoyed that post ;)
Phobias are difficult to overcome, but you Can beat it!
I had a phobia of needles, from childhood trauma. I deliberately took a job in a plant that Made needles. It was hard initially, and I still don't like needles; but the phobia is gone now.
Find a local bee keeper, and Wearing one of his SUITS; help him work his hives. The suit will protect you, and that will allow you to work directly on your phobia! It is a fascinating hobby, and the bees have an interesting World you can look in upon.
Good luck, and irises are stunning flowers!
♡♡♡♡I thank you for the encouragement. I never would have guessed that those events that traumatized me as a child would still be with me causing anxiety 30 years later. 😓
Wow, working with needles was a huge step for you. Hearing that your phobia is gone is very hopeful.
It’s funny that you suggested this bee keeper idea. I just told my family this month that I was ordering a bee suit. Not to go visit a hive but to actually garden in. I figured I’d be safe from them and can enjoy my garden more. Then as I kept thinking about it I realized I would still be imprisoned by this fear and it’s better to just face it. I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to visit a bee keeper but thanks again for the suggestion. 🙂
Yes they are stunning! I had no idea about these flowers until now and I’m looking forward to continuing caring for them ~
I love irises too, you should also try a stargazer lily. They are stunning.
Working inside a hive is cathardic, and a newly opened hive smells wonderful!
I have found that bees will leave me alone when I ignore them. A honeybee dies when they sting, so they use that only in defense.
Stay safe! And keep raising those beautiful flowers.
♡♡♡♡I do love this your flowers. Just imagining if i have this in my garden🤩
I'm glad you love them. Thanks for visiting :)
Thats's beautiful <3 I really love it
Aren't they a beauty? Thanks so much for viewing and commenting :)
Observar estas fotos tan hermosas me producen paz infinita,gracias por publicarlas🙏...trata de superar tu fobia😁
Oh wow so glad the photos made you feel at peace. 😊
I will try my best to overcome it. Thanks you so much ~
Baby steps. This was such a huge deal.
Saying anxiety trivializes it, making it sound like something that you are making much over nothing. Coming from somebody who has had a full-blown anxiety attack, (or three) I can assure you that I want to be there to support you as you navigate this. Today you did great and it is a huge step for you and there will days that it will be worse than it ever was, and you will (will) yourself to not be in that place.
It is a journey. But, then, you always were the adventurous typle. :))
((hugs)) So proud of you.
Thank you so much my sweet Denise. ♥️
Yes, baby steps for sure. I wouldn't even have imagined I'd still be battling with this fear after all this time. Thank you so much for your support and sharing about your own anxiety attacks.
Journey here I come. It’s time I face this for the good of everyone...but mainly for myself.
Thanks again always ~ 😊🌺
The only thing I say is that this doesn't own you, but, don't be deterred by setbacks, because the realist in me says that happens, but no disappointments about that.
The mind is strong, but, the will is stonger. Just know you have so many people surruonding you. With love.
Wow, what a lovely encouraging comment that I needed. You always have the words to say. Thank you so so much ~ ♥️🌺
❤️
Awesome Photography just wow😀
Thanks so much ~ ☺️
I am glad that your children's love for this beautiful Iris is helping you face your fears. Kudos to you for fighting the fear, I am sure you'll soon get over this. It's a struggle but you've taken the first step and that will see you through. Wish you many more years of happy gardening and blooms.
Lovely photographs too and I love the title.
I am glad too. 😊
Thank you, I am really hoping I can conquer this. Witnessing the beauty of nature is definitely helping.
Thanks so much. I always try to find a title that expresses what I’m trying to convey and the mood of the post I’m writing. The title serves a double meaning, one for the revealing of the flower but also revealing my fears and how I plan to overcome them.
Thanks for appreciating my work and for your encouraging comments ~ ♥️
The flower is so pretty, I hope you will overcome your fear!
Thank you so much @creativemary! I'm glad you enjoyed the flower and I too hope I can overcome this ~ ❤️
I love irises. Too bad they only last one day! So leaving it in the garden for each of those beauties to bloom was the best place for it. Great photos!
Thanks for the tip the other day! I just saw it. Really appreciated!
I now love them too :)
Thank you so much, glad you liked them!
You’re welcome ~
Hi @crosheille, I really liked your beautiful post.
Please let me tell you how I've gone beyound my Apiphobia.
When I was a child (4 o 5 years old as I could remember today), I've been stinged on my head by a wasp while I was playing with my friends at the kindergarten. I can still remember that day right now, even if 36 years passed since then.
For many many years since then, my reaction when I was seeing any flying insect vaguely similar to a wasp (bees, wasps, hornets, syrphidae was all the same to my eyes) was to run away while moving my arms in a completely unarticulated way...
One day I discovered the foundamental role pollinating insects has to the nature and the entire world (probably if ever bees should extinguish, the entire natural food chain would collapse).
These informations which was very interesting for the native curiosity of the child I was, were not helping my istinctive fear reaction to them, but created an open loop in my mind which reclamed further investigation about it.
Since then I started to documenting about these interesting insects until one day I realized an obvious fact: in no way any of them would be interested having a conflict with a being 100 times bigger then them, because it would end with their death for sure.
This awareness in my mind little by little made fear become curiosity and curiosity reclamed further experimenting.
Years later I discovered Macro-photography and insects are one of the most interesting subjects for me to picture, so the need to move closer and closer to the subjects and the relaxed approach required by that kind of photography allowed me to understand that with the right attitude, insects let you move closer and in the end I arrived to the conclusion that they completely ignore you, if you dont look threatening to them!
Today I enjoy my time into the outdoors and insects do not worry me anymore.
This is true with the exception of ticks and scolopendra, eh eh eh.
And so, thats it, this is my experience, may be it could inspire you in some way.
Bye bye,
take care.
Giulius
Let me just say wow! This has really really inspired me. Thank you for taking the time to share your tragic childhood experience and how it affected you.
When you said
I laughed. You know why? I saw a picture of myself doing the same things. This has been my life since I could remember, running away, screaming and throwing my arms up in every which way.
Everything you mentioned here was just really good. I’m actually going to save your comment in a document so I can easily refer back to it. The discoveries that you made about the importance of having bees around, how they are probably more terrified of us than we are of them, and you doing the macro. I love photography and I could see myself trying to photograph a bee on this flower. Maybe I too will give this a try :)
Hahaha oh my gosh we see one too many of scolopendras where we live. We find them outside around our home and sometimes they get in. 😬
Reading this was so therapeutic for me. I’ve never met anyone who related to me in this way or had similar instances. Let alone react the same way when encountered by one of these insects.
Thank you so very much for taking the time out to share this with me and your desire to want to help me. My husband also read your comment and agreed this was very helpful and encouraged me to try photographing them as well ~ 🌺😊
Oh my gosh these right here made my day! 😃😄😌
I LOVED reading these so much! Thank you for always being so thoughtful in what you share. Hahaha I had a good laugh from these too. I really love the photos.
I am so glad that from the responses I’m getting it is giving me a better understanding about what these insects are really focused on. They are not out to get me. Even if I do get stung again the pain will only last for awhile.
Thanks again for always supporting and encouraging. I really appreciate you @barge ~ 😊
What a great insight!...this must surely apply to many other aspects of life and (the facing of) FEAR(s) too 🙏
Umm, also, I got 'stung' (more in a kinda metaphorical manner) shortly after posting the previous comment. Took place in the following manner:
BEE: "Barge, do you recall pointing out that Flame is a girl and not a boy in order to 'correct' someone?
Barge: "...er yeah, I do it all the time, why?
BEE: "Coz you just did the same thing yourself by accepting Waspy's bullshit and her deliberate misuse of the pronoun to refer to MEE
Barge:"...oops, you're right your BEEness, I'll make sure to auto-correct! Bumble ApoloBees :(
I'm still buzzing from the knuckle-rap, so I'll it end here 😂
🤗
Yes, this really does apply to other aspects of life as well.
Hahaha oh goodness you are too funny! 😂
I really enjoyed this, thank you!!
...err, thanks Crosheille, but I really need to point out that THEY are to be given credit for EVERYTHING...they're ALWAYS listening and I don't wanna be hauled up yet again before the BUZZ Council On Human Relations and have to answer further charges....as you know (and I'm begining to find out), they're scary as :|
😂😂😅
Okay, got it. 👌🏽
Hermosa flor! La Naturaleza es exquisita y a veces tenemos suerte de capturar su belleza!
Nature is definitely exquisite!
Thank you so much for reading ~ 😊
That really is a striking flower (and photo) at @crosheille. And I would say that your title, while getting a gripping response, really reveals your sad fear. Having hives on our farm, and the experience of what bees can do when upset (I won't terrify you with details of our African Killer Bee) I can really sympathise. BUT our Creator did create them with an incredible purpose. They are essential to life, both our gardens and ours. Bees have taught me so much about our Heavenly Father and His purpose for us. Did you know that the word for BEE is the same word for the WORD. I pray you will have healing and that it will be a part of your testimony
Thank you so much @buckaroobaby! I am glad I was able to capture it’s beauty :)
Oh gosh thank you for not giving details about that bee. 😬
Wow I did not know that about the word bee! 😳 Thank you for sharing this, it helps even more. Thank you also for your prayers and words of encouragement ~ ♥️
LOVE irises. I carried a bouquet of them at my wedding!!!! They always make me smile.
Oh wow that’s awesome!! Yes, they are truly a beauty!!
I can relate to that feeling when I get terrified when I see a bee. But someone told me to face it and handle my reaction if I see one. And for that, it helps for me. By the way, your photos are incredible.😊
Thank you so much for sharing that. I am doing exactly this, facing them and handling my reaction much better now. I admit with bumblebees it’s not been as successful though. 😂 They are huge and completely terrify me, those will take some extra work lol.
Awww thanks so much. I love when others can enjoy my photography. Thank you for this lovely comment ~