RE: Finding Purpose and the Roles We Adopt.
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I am trying to phrase this in a way that doesn't come off wrong, but I am finding it hard. All I can say is that as a stay at home dad in a very traditional society, I can relate somewhat to your experiences and I have the most respect for you. I really understand what it's like to lose yourself (who you are, or think you are) in responsibilities. I find some comfort in knowing that the person I am is being installed into the children I am raising (some good some bad) but it's something I think about when I feel lost and alone. Weeks can go by without having a real conversation with the woman I love because we are so involved in everyone else. We can recognize this and cut each other a lot of slack when we are stressed. I hope that things will calm down and you get more time with your husband.
For the traditional roles thing from my experience let me say that no one can ever replace the love and compassion of a mother. If I was the best dad in the world I still would be light-years away from the mother my wife is. I cannot speak for the future but that is how I see it now.
Wishing you the best!
Regarding what you say about mothers, my father has expressed similar. Interestingly he is also ex military and with regards roles, transitioning from military life must give you another insight again, with it being so different to civilian life. I certainly think it must have been a big part of my father's identity at the time.