Is it Asthma or Coronavirus?

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Image by resprouk from Pixabay

The tricky thing about having asthma right now is I every flare up is also a COVID-19 scare. To isolate or not to isolate?

Asthma creeps up on me, shutting down my breathing so slowly I often don't notice until several hours in when I am dizzy and shaky. Today marks the third day of dizzy shakes, and being overtired to the point of sleeping four hours in the middle of the day. And it's day two of a wheezing cough. This sucks.

Normally, these symptoms would have me toting around my inhaler and giving mself extra downtime. Now they mean I need to check with the kids' dad to see if I can still have them over. They were here all weekend, but that doesn't mean it's right to potentially expose them to something.

Pretty darn sure it's asthma.

And the kids are coming over.

But what if it's not?

I'm supposed to be scheduling a surgery for my foot. I will call later today to see if I can get the appointment. They may turn me down because of symptoms now.

I chipped a tooth and lost the filling in another. I need to go to the dentist but I can't with these symptoms. Thankfully it's not much of a toothache in either tooth.

It's not that I'm used to having immediate care for small discomforts (there was a time I could afford that sort of lifestyle). It's the weighing and measuring and watching every potential symptom. It's the hyperfocus on a virus that could sneak attack. What a strange world this has turned into. I think I like it better.

I'm not sure. I'm still adjusting, but I love the quiet. I love the freedom to work from home. I love how many people are figuring out that there is a time for emergent thinking vastly different from the thinking they've been doing (i.e. seeking medical care for discomforts even if it puts people in true need further back in line).

There is so much value in enduring discomfort. I don't want to philosophize right now. I'm observing what I've learned from living in poverty, working my way through school, settling into an upper middle class hetero marriage, and stepping down the ladder into poverty again as a POC, immuno-compromised late-life lesbian approaching 40 during a global pandemic.

What's new and different and useful to you during this time? Are you still social distancing?

~~~

I teach blogging, expressive writing for traumatic release and recovery and host generative writing sessions at the Center for Creative Writing. Write with me!

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