Writing to Heal...

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“There are thorny, unfinished chapters being written in our lives all the time. Writing can help us find our way through these challenges.”
― Sandra Marinella

Change is an inevitable part of life and lately I have needed a complete 180. I have barely been around on Hive or discord for that matter because I simply felt the need for a break from it all. I needed time for me and my life here in the real world. I needed to BREATHE, outside of the online world. I have missed the sharing of quite a lot during this time… my mom’s 72nd heavenly birthday came and went, my birthday passed me by too, as did my four year anniversary mark here on the Hive (Steem prior) blockchain and then most recently… yesterday - not only was it father’s day but it also marked one year since my mom passed. It has not been an easy month if I am honest and all I have wanted for the most part was to disappear – vapourise into nothingness.

If I could put into words the way I have been feeling, I would say that my passion left me, my enthusiasm dropped me and my general lust for life vanished into thin air. Any and all kind of responsibility has just felt like more than I could face. I am not a person to feel like this and I can quite confidently say that I have never NOT been able to self motivate or pull myself out of a seemingly bottomless hole… until recently. I suppose the emotional reality of two of the above mentioned dates hit me harder than I thought they would. In fact, three of those dates… my birthday included, as this was my first birthday without my mom and her special “touches”. Last year was my 40th and that morning was the day we checked my mom into the ICU… so not a particularly good memory either.

I have taken a lot of time for myself, to just be. To explore creative avenues and find constructive activities to help me keep moving forward, but it has not been easy and I have come to the realisation that a large part of that reason has been because I have not been writing. I have blogged about many things over the years, with a few key focus topics, but one of the primary reasons I wrote and continue to do so is for me! For me to offload, process, grow and heal… and I removed that from my daily agenda because I was not in the best head or heart space and I began wondering if my rambles here were inappropriate or a waste of time. What I forgot momentarily throughout this last month though, was that first point… when your writing is a part of your personal journey, the opinions of those around you actually don’t need to matter unless you want them to – the process is about you and the release, acceptance and letting go of the things which concern, hurt or hold you back… nothing else needs to come into it.

So, here I am – for the first time in a long time, writing for ME again. I am putting myself first and reminding myself just how beneficial this writing journey has been for me thus far and that I should continue to embrace and explore it. I am still feeling a little “socially removed” but I am going to try and move over this hurdle by doing the one thing that has been a little scary to me lately – writing freely. Sounds ridiculous really, doesn’t it – considering I have been doing it for so many years. Nonetheless, we must ride the waves – challenging as that may be sometimes.

I am sorry for the engagements left hanging over this last month and for not being around to show everyone love and support… but I needed (and still need) to give that to myself first for a change, in order to make it to the other side. I cannot actually promise (not that I should feel obligated to do so anyway) but I am going to TRY and get back up, dust my knees off and keep moving forward, with love, light and positivity - but I know I need to be gentle and patient with myself, and I can only ask that everyone else is too.

“Experience your pain. Embrace your silence. When the time feels right, find your way back to your words -- and write.”
― Sandra Marinella

❤❤❤

Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea

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28 comments
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It's good to read from you, @jaynie after your short break. I admit I noticed your absence and presumed that life has wooed your attention.

I believe most of us understand the feeling of wanting to just take some time off, attend to personal matters and yes, writing is a form of therapy. It certainly helps to express our feelings and pour our thoughts albeit to the world.

However, YOU must come first. I hope you get all the rest you need and never stop writing. A day at a time. Looking forward to having you back on Hive fully. 🙂

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Take your time sweetie! We all need a break, when you don't know the words there is no pint pushing them. Glad to see you back and refreshed.

Happy 4th anniversary!

It must be hard with the anniversary with your mom. You are strong Hugz xox

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Having slipped, slid, dazed, crazed and crying through a similar journey, I offer you my heart for the love you need, my shoulder for you to lean on and my ear for you to vent/ramble/waffle/scream/whisper in and know that I'm thinking about you, knowing that you will make it through, taking a deep breath with every new step forward and into your future of peace, health and harmony. XXX

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Thank you for such beautiful words of strength hon. Means a lot to me! THANK YOU !! xxx

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I hope I speak for many of us when I say that we feel your love, even when you are absent. Welcome back, but if you need to step away again, you go right ahead and do that.

Sometimes we need to switch things up to sort things out. Sometimes we need to be silent to know our feelings. Love the quote.

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Thank you beautiful lady, that means a lot to me xxx

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It is great to hear you are writing for you again. Keep it up, for your own sake :)

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Doing my best. Thank you xxx

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Your last year plus a little... one feels sucker-punched, reeling not knowing how to come out of the spin.

Take time, write when the mood takes you, time for oneself is a huge requirement to find your compass once again.

Dwell on the past, present and future eventually things start to make sense somewhat, change is inevitable, how we cope we are all different Jaynie hugs....

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Thank you Joan xxx

Take time, write when the mood takes you, time for oneself is a huge requirement to find your compass once again.

Could not agree more.

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Back home after a magic week away, grateful we never ran into problems on the roads up here with all the crazy going on currently.

Have a great day, will catch up soon!

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Saw you went away! So glad you had a great time Joan :)

all the crazy going on currently.

OMG! No shortage of that around right now!

Have a great day, will catch up soon!

Thanks hon, you too - and yes. I know I am scarce these days, but I am still alive and kicking haha :) Have a lovely Sunday!

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Day by day, hope Jude is coping with schooling on/off, I feel for younger generation not being allowed to enjoy freedoms that come with growing up.

Take care of yourselves!

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It’s been a few days and I still remember the words

If I could put into words the way I have been feeling, I would say that my passion left me, my enthusiasm dropped me and my general lust for life vanished into thin air. Any and all kind of responsibility has just felt like more than I could face. I am not a person to feel like this and I can quite confidently say that I have never NOT been able to self motivate or pull myself out of a seemingly bottomless hole…

And I know that experiencing real life, connections and love was needed but we miss you in hive space so eventhough we are in contact I wanted to say :

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We need your awsomeness in the lounge

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Thank you angel. Making my way there slowly... :) Love you!

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(Edited)

Just sending you a ping because... yeah.

I know that place. And the best thing we can do is allow ourselves to have the feels rather than putting on our brave mask that we always wear and show the world.

xo

Here, have a choon:

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Thank you! Great track! You know my "language" :)

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I hope you are taking good care of you. You needed some time to sort out you and only then can you be whole again.

Self first (for a change)

Miss you, but, glad your giving yourself some time. xoxo

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Miss you too beautiful lady! And yes, have been doing exactly that. Making my way back slowly but surely though... at a pace which works for me and only me :)

Xxx

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