The Forgotten Gift...
Yesterday I cleaned the house like a Trojan - I am talking from top to bottom… scrubbing the shower walls, doors and floor, washing bedding, polishing, vacuuming, clearing, cleaning and packing stuff away which had been brought from Cape Town that I have simply been avoiding. It kept me busy, distracted me and afforded a little bit of a “clean slate” psychologically speaking.
Today, I got stuck into the “sorting” of my personal affairs. Updating debit order details, changing and moving things that needed to be… getting my Paypal account finalised with my local bank as until now I have yet to actually withdraw any of the USD or Euros earned, sorting out Jude’s school fees, paying for all his extra murals… that being his soccer and karate for the term ahead - getting my Kraken account verified and believe it or not – clearing out my handbag… I guess it must be a female thing, lol! The inside of most women’s handbags are literally a hazardous zone – well, when you are a mother they are, haha! So yes – that got thrown onto the bed - ALL the rubbish got turfed out, I discovered a few extra bucks, made some extensive additions to our medicine cabinet and realised that had I done this a long time ago – I would not have been walking around feeling like I was carrying a bag of rocks for as long as I have.
In and amongst all of this, I discovered something really special. Something I had completely forgotten about. The year before my mom passed, on Mother’s Day – she gave me my gift (my mom ALWAYS got me a gift, no matter how small or how little she could actually afford it) and a card – she also ALWAYS gave a card… ALWAYS! On bigger occasions the cards would be filled with lengthy lines of her almost doctors like handwriting, containing a message which would always make you feel like the most amazing person on planet earth. This card was a lot smaller, but the message no less impactful for me… especially right now.
Neatly folded and slipped into the card was a lottery ticket. No great amount of money was spent on the ticket but the wish and sentiment was there. As I picked up the envelope, I remembered what it was and honestly wanted to kick myself, because I never got it checked within the valid time period. It got lost in the abyss which was my handbag and I completely forgot all about it, sadly… but then again, perhaps not. Time stopped for a moment as I stood looking at the words written for me on this little card and the love behind that little lottery gesture.
My mom , more than anyone I think – knew how hard I worked in my life and continue to work… with absolutely everything I threw (and throw) myself into. I am not a “half assed” kinda girl… I am a “do it properly or don’t do it at all” individual… or at least, I used to be – haha! I seem to give a few less fncks these days… or perhaps it is not that I care less, but that my priorities have shifted dramatically… yeah, I’ll run with the latter haha!
I am derailing – my point was actually that discovering that little envelope today meant so much to me! I am all about “symbolism” in life and THAT moment was weighted and VERY meaningful to me! Decisions have been made recently – big decisions! Some of which revolved around the protectiveness I have for my child. Despite my gut telling me I am doing the right thing, the mind almost always interferes and makes you doubt yourself and the course you have chosen. Opening that card and reading those words put the biggest smile on my face. I needed it.
The lottery ticket made me smile too. I have NEVER been one to enter the lottery – I am more of a “I’ll plug it out myself, make that and more” person. It was interesting because last night I had a really good conversation with my dad about my crypto portfolio and the night before that – another one with my eldest brother. Having the reassurance of the both of them that I actually sit in a really pretty position, made me relax a little. Sure, I may see it or “think it”… but you know – we often talk ourselves down. A little validation can go a long way. Frankly, I think they were both a little surprised at what I hold, lol.
That lottery ticket, the fact that I never cashed it in and me contemplating how much that “poverty” driven behaviour I have lived with for so long, always REALLY ANNOYED me (no offense to those that do it) - it is just NOT who I am! – it made me think about where I currently stand – and where I am headed. I don’t need the Lottery – I have built my own! I reckon if most people added up what they spent on lotto tickets they would probably be in a far better position than they currently find themselves should they have made wiser decisions with it. People make themselves their own fncking fools! One envelope – two very strong symbols and both REALLY needed right now... thank you MOM!
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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Nice find during major clean out Jaynie, life is one long Lotto ticket we play it all the time!
No buying tickets is not my game, always stashing every penny for holidays, not outings or clothing, now you know method behind madness in ventures down cryptoland...
I'm what is commonly referred to as a crypto-idiot so I can't comment on that aspect other to say well done for being the person to amass your own crypto-fortune. It must feel good.
On the other, that little treasure you found in your handbag...I like how that revealed itself when you needed it and it confirmed in your mind [heart] that the direction you have chosen is correct. That confirmation from your mum, albeit it in a delayed fashion, must be reassuring considering you harbour doubt.
Thanks mum.
Look at the sky she is signing just before her own birtday and before Sunday on mothersday. How special and yes do try to cash the ticket maybe she send an early birthday present for june 😉
I just saw this. I love your Mom.