WARNING - THIS SUBJECT CAN BE UPSETTING.
If you recently lost someone or you are very sensitive, then you might find the post upsetting.
It's definitely not my goal to upset or to be controversial, but I do earnestly believe it's a topic we should address.
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 NKJV
As this verses from the Bible states, there is a time to be born and a time to die. It's not an easy thought and maybe that is the problem.
Why do we find it so difficult to talk about death?
I can think of several reasons:
- It's heartbreaking to lose someone you love.
The mere thought that my husband or one of my children or grandchildren can die makes me feel if my heart is crushed.
Some of us that already lost someone know the heartache and grief that death bring.
- Death is an unknown area.
People don't know what happens when you die. The not knowing makes it scary.
Some believe, life just stop, there is nothing after life.
As a Christian, I believe in life after death, which makes it may be a little less scary.
- Death is so final. Once the person is gone, its final. You never see that person again, never gets to hug or kiss that person again, never hear their voice again.
The above is a reality. There is nothing we can do to change it. But I do think we need to change the way we think and talk about death.
How do we change how we think, and talk about death?
we believe that being able to think about death in a wise way is a critical life skill, as it could enable us to live fuller, better lives while we have the chance and, possibly, die better deaths.
Although we are surrounded by death in the news, in the movies and in computer games we don't talk about it. We see it but ignore it. It's like we refuse to acknowledge it's a reality. We treat it like it's just a game or something that only happens to other people.
We should always be aware that we don't live forever. Our life is temporary and can end any day, any second.
If you keep that in mind you will help you to live a better life. It will help you to live more mindful.
We’re born on this planet, we grow up, grow older and eventually pass away.
Highly mindful people understand, accept and contemplate the transient nature of things. Because of this, they are aware of the preciousness and sacredness of life and they savor each moment, and each day.
We must start to look at death as a natural part of life and not as something unnatural.
We should break the silence and start talking about death in our families and with our friends. The more we talk about it, the more we can address our fears and uncertainties. You can share your belief system of what happens after you die.
Did you know, you get Death Cafe's?
I learnt about it today, while researching my topic. I think it's an excellent idea.
Death Cafés are social occasions which invite people to share stories about their own experiences with death and mortality – with coffee, cake, and a comforting camaraderie that helps bring talk of death into the light. This in itself is sometimes a foreign concept, as people often struggle to have open, honest conversations about death and grief.
A key principle of the death café scene is providing a non-judgemental and non-biased forum for conversation.
a relaxed space for discussion that’s guided by the needs and interests of the attendees. That means every café session ends up being unique. Talk can range from terminal diagnoses to the death of a loved one, a dream, a suicide, or even a near-death experience.
A death café is not about trauma or grief counselling, but rather a kind of therapeutic experience in confronting mortality and talking about both death and life. One goal of the death café is to help people make meaningful connections.
- We should start to talk to our children about death as a natural part of the life cycle, it will also help them to accept death as something natural.
A good starting point can be when a pet die. That gives you the opportunity to explain the finality of death.
You can also use computer games as a point of contact to talk about death. To explain death is not a game, its final, your heart stop, you stop breathing, and your consciousness stop. Experts say you should not use euphemisms like"he went to sleep". You should use the word died. Although it should be handled with great care. I might make a separate post on how to talk to children about death.
It will also help children to understand the sanctity of life.
I dealt with my fair share of death over the years. The most traumatic was my first husband of 25 years that died 13 years ago and my sister, age 48, died 5 years ago.
I started a Facebook group 3 years ago, to help people deal with death and grief. It's in my mother tongue Afrikaans. The name of my group if translated is, Life after death of a loved one. The group just recently surpassed the 1k member mark. That is quite a milestone, but the most important thing for me is that it's a safe space for members to share their loss with others that know how it is to lose a loved one.
Thank you for reading, I would appreciate your thoughts in the comments.