Tales of the Urban Explorer: The Church of the Ageing Master
Why the name? It’s not the name of the church, it’s the obsessive nature of a certain individual who has certain ‘ties’ with it and supposedly carries certain ‘skills’.
I have tried many times to gain access to this place, it’s close to where my mother lives, so I go and have a look to see if anything has changed every so often.
Recently I saw a report and quizzed the poster. He didn’t want to spill the beans but gave me a little clue.
I took his hint and looked with no success and, then I looked again a few weeks later.
There was a way in and it was subtle. I had found it but was on my own for once. No big deal, it's just a church and I could do it alone.
There was just one problem; I had left my light in the car. Grabbing the light I walked back to the access point to see some old bloke stood there looking quizzically at it.
He didn't see me and I could have backed off without him noticing. I guessed it was the crazy bloke who lived next to it and blamed the church for all his woes.
“Hello”, I said brightly, trying to make him jump.
oldbloke was in his late seventies, quite tall, lean, and walked with a stoop typical of someone of that age category.
He looked around and peered at me through thick glasses with a frown.
“Did you unlock this?”, he said accusingly.
“I undid the loose chain, yes,.. it was not locked”
"It was locked last night, some lads woke me up at 2 am in the morning creeping about", grumbled oldbloke staring at the lock like it should be some impenetrable force never to be breached.
“I can’t stop you going in, but you do know it’s trespassing don’t you?”, he told me with a wavering cracked voice.
“Of course”, I said with confidence.
I ain’t no newbie old man, and you are not going to stop me getting in
I got the impression he was well used to explorers, but what happened next was not welcome at all.
oldbloke followed me through the door into what was once an entrance room and was now full of muck, grime, dirt and pigeon shit.
“Why are you wanting to come in here”, he persisted, not unkindly but enquiringly.
“Photography”, I said shortly, hoping he would bugger off, the sooner the better.
I started snapping away thinking this was great. No graffiti, no destruction, and pure decay.
oldbloke continued to follow me as though he was some kind of unpaid caretaker and even worse started to get in the way of my shots.
I didn't want to antagonize him but missed some snaps that I wanted, such as the sun shining through the windows and reflecting down the aisle.
These are moments you want to capture but not with some old bastard photo-bombing and muttering about how bad the church is, that it's simply an exploitation racket designed to gain money and that the building is of little significance as it's a mere 150 years old.
But oldbloke would not shut the fuck up, he went on and on and on and was slowly driving me mad.
He did tell me the church is infested with rats, bats, mice, and even badgers, and that it is suffering from both wet and dry rot.
That a group of squatters took over the bell tower for a while and plugged into the local electricity wires.
The rest of his tales turned my ears inwards as they were a mixture of him losing his pension due to lawsuits, the diocese of the Church of England completely ignoring him and the channels of water flooding his house.
This was solely due to the existence of this church being close to his house, which he bought in the 1980s.
"I'm going to have to throw you out now", he said after ten minutes.
As if you have any fucking authority
Still, I tolerated him, as he had just told me another yarn about kicking the local drug lord’s arse, bloodying his nose, and handing him to his father via the doorstep.
What was I dealing with?, oldbloke could be a veritable Master Po but with sight?
After taking some more rushed shots, I departed the church with oldbloke on my tail not willing to let me leave quite so easily.
The next hour was taken up walking around the grounds, and him complaining even more about the bishops and priests of the Church of England.
Not daring to look disinterested at this point after another tale of him kicking someone's arse who had dared to disrespect him in the 1950s, I unwillingly lingered.
Enough was enough, my chin was starting to grow stubble and I had other shit to do. I made my excuses and left leaving oldbloke to bore the next hapless urban explorer senseless.
FOOTNOTE: I have since heard about a couple more dudes (who I am in contact with on Facebook) who attempted to get into the Church of the Obsessed Pensioner, err... The Church of the Ageing Master.. only to find it locked.
Due to all the camera’s and motion detectors that oldbloke has attached to his property and possibly the church they were also caught and subjected to hours of boredom and pure tedium.
Be wary, be scared of visiting, and show no disrespect lest the fists and feet may fly!
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Yes another great tale of swashbuckling and adventure!!
I bet he has no interaction and nobody to listen to his problems other than the stalwart explorers. Those shots take me back to childhood dreams of re-purposing an old opulent church into something inclusive. Some day!
Well done for not losing your patience outwardly with the gilted victim.
I got this impression, his tales of kicking arse were bearable but then the woes started and it was pure torture. I couldn't get away fast enough!
Ha, your chin was starting to grow stubble indeed 🤣🤣
Or you were terrified he really was a grand old Kung Fu master!!
What a pisser though, that sun shot sounded like it would have been especially good!!
I was pissed at him for getting in the way of the streaming sun, it looked fantastic. Damn you Master Po..., or Master Bullshit!!
You are lucky he didn't start flapping those arms about, Kung po windmill style!!
Still see the beauty and elegant architectures, hope they will restore someday.
It is for sale and has been for some time, no buyers.. its cheap too.
I kind of liked his letter. Your beliefs do not make you a good person
your actions do. I thought that line was pretty good. Still not being able to get some shots you wanted must have sucked,He was rushing me. Resistance may have meant Kung Fu or the bugger could have locked me in! Neither was looking good.
It's a shame, but sometimes people have a tendency to take their grievances against others out on whoever will lend a ear, Here he is trying to protect the property of an organization that has caused him great stress, and still no resolution. I would bet he encounters and pesters quite a few, and does not even realize he is protecting his antagonist property but views it as protecting those that come to see. He would be better off letting the homeless finish trashing and maybe burning the place down.
In a few years he may be gone, a shame really to have your twilight years eaten up by so much anger and resentment toward an organization that does not give a wit about the problems they cause others.
I have some sympathy for his cause, I just don't want to hear it. I'm not here to listen to his rants.
I fully understand that, it is like trying to enjoy a burger and fries at a hole in the wall restaurant and having someone incessantly talking at you, I've had that happen before, and no fun at all, and no escape.
Love those pictures. The place looks amazing, just gotta be careful you do not get some rock from the roof while shooting 🙂
It was very sturdy inside, I'm more used to buildings that are likely to collapse around me if I blow on them too hard!
Wow, what a beautiful old church! This would make for a stunning restoration. Wealthy people here sometimes turn these into homes as a way of preserving them. I wonder if there isn't some kind of national fund to bring back treasures like these so they don't fall into ruin. Thanks for the pics! :)
Many of them rot as they are considered relics, and can't be modified due to their status. This in turn puts buyers off buying. They are very cheap, but a liability to upkeep.
Despite the pestering whinger you still managed to get great shots and a good story to tell. The moss and mold growing on all the wood and even the stone columns and pews was the most striking aspect for me. Must be perpetually moist in there somehow.
None the less it was a fun adventure for me to follow along on. I look forward to more. Reading them has become slightly addictive.
Thanks! I could have done without him being there. I didn't attempt to go into the bell tower as I suspect he would have moaned at me.
Yeah the guy sounds more like a public nuisance. Would have been nice to get into the tower. Any chance st all of you being able to sneak back in and avoid the guy?
I think it's sealed now. I heard the tower was separately sealed, I never got the chance to look.
Shame. Well i look forward to your next adventure.
you should have recruited him to our community, i like people with attitude.though he does sound a little obsessed, quite rightly so if these god bothering fools with an imaginary friend had ruined my retirement i'd a burnt their fucking church down !
This is the church you mentioned to me some time ago, it's a longish trip for you.. and probably sealed now. Going there was good but came with a cost!
ahhh gotcha it's nice very nice,
maybe one day
There's someone who bears a grudge. Or maybe he's just lonely. I guess it can be tough if he really has suffered and you would think the Church could show some compassion except it's probably more about lawyers than ministers.
Plenty of bird shit in there.
It all makes for a good story. Without oldbloke it would have been just another church.
There isn't always a story with every explore, but I tell it how it happens... hence the prefix 'Tales'. If it's here then I will remember the tale in years to come, so long as the witnesses keeping chopping at the blocks.
Your posts are like a script form a blockbuster movie. I love the sense of adventure that comes with it. Sorry about old bloke though. Lol. The pictures are quite sufficient to appreciate. No sign of vandalism here so at least thats a good thing.
Look on the bright side, you got a free guided tour, why are you complaining!!!🤣
Careful, he may use the Force as Vader does to choke the life out of you!
I would wear a mask in their with all that shit layering everything. That can carry nasty disease Ive heard.
Wow, that is quite the disgruntled fella. Seems like it might have been a good idea to just cut your losses and run quite some time ago. That is unfortunate that he had to deal with all of that damage to his property due to the neglect of the church. I don't think I would have fought it in court for seven years though.