Photo: CC0 Public Domain
This is my first recipe post and I hope it won't be the last. But well see. I know myself too well by now and usually if I say that I'm going to continue this thing weekly, I will never do the same again. And if I say this will probably be the only time, I will do the same thing the very next day.
About the tittle.
It was a clickbait.
As is the CC0 photo I copied from the internet. I suck at food photography. So this time, I won't even try. The rest of the photos are what they are.
I also, most of the time, hate cooking. Baking too. There has been some deranged days in my life when I liked to cook. I actually liked to bake a cake or make tasty meals, but then I came to my senses and noticed that I absolutely hate cooking and doing stuff in the kitchen.
And I don't like people who say it's just because I haven't given cooking and baking a proper chance. They say to me and to themselves that if I did, I would like it. No I wouldn't. I do know how to cook eatable food, it just isn't my passion. My passion lies elsewhere and I won't suddenly start loving to cook or bake because you say so. It's the same thing as being gay for all the people who are gay. No amount of therapy, pills or torture methods can make me like cooking. It's who I am and that's that. Get over it.
But as I do like to eat to stay alive... Actually I LOVE eating good food, I do cook something almost daily and occasionally do something fancy like pancakes. Pancakes are awesome because they can be breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack. Also something sweet with coffee. So pancakes are the best. And yes, pancakes with ice cream for lunch is awesome and allowed because I'm an adult. I can eat what ever I like, whenever I like.
Also it's the best because you can make the pancake dough from almost anything. As long as you have eggs, flour and liquid of some kind. And it's easy. At least so you think.
Tip. Wash the eggshells and give the shell crumbs to your plants later. Preferably when you are changing the plant to a bigger pot so you can mix the shells to the soil. Or just bury the eggshells to the ground if you have plants outside. To pot plants, remember to put it enough so that if the facts that you sometimes forget to water the plants or water them too much wont kill them, the over fertilization will.
I do not measure anything. In baking or making food, if it requires some sort of accurate measuring, forget about it. I don't do that. Not when cooking.
But let's get started with the pancak...ing.
One or two if it's only you who's eating, more if there are numerous people craving for pancakes.
- Any liquid
Preferably something that is eatable and not that flammable. I use milk, sometimes mineral water to give crispy edges to the pancakes. Some use cream. I don't. Not in the dough.
- Any flour
Today I used a little bit of everything I had in the cupboard: potato flour, corn flour, rice flour and sugar beet fiber. Could also use a ready made pancake mix, but this time I didn't. The box wasn't opened and I lack the box opening skills. Actually it was because I just wanted to use the flour from those boxes and pouches that were already open.
- Baking powder (Teespoonish amount. Didn't measure. Swear I didn't.)
- A little bit of oil to the dough if you want to make your life a little bit easier. I use avocado oil.
- Butter for frying.
I never put sugar to the pancake dough because that would be awful if I suddenly crave for non sweet toppings. Cheese and roasted paprika for instance. I could also use mushed banana or leftover mashed potatoes in the dough if I knew for sure that I only use sweet things on top of (or inside) the pancakes. Anything that I can find. Mixed together in any order. doesn't matter. The dough doesn't care which order, I don't care and you shouldn't either. Take it easy and just do it.
Usually the gluten free dough can be used instantly, you don't need it to sit in the fridge, but this time the sugar beet fiber I added requires some time in the fridge.
Then there's the process of getting the dough to look and taste like pancakes. Finnish pancakes are thin and wide. And if you've put a little bit of mineral water to the dough, this is the time when you can admire the beautiful, crispy edges. That is, if you have had the patience to wait until the pan is hot enough so that you can fry it quickly both sides and eat it right away. Also, if you've made the dough too thick, the crispy edges won't happen. Or if you've poured too much dough to the pan because you don't realize that the dough will spread all the way to the pan. Although you've done pancakes about a million times before. You just don't think. Until you do.
Okay so now you have to add flour or liquid because the dough is too runny or too thick. And after the second sett of pancakes, you have to add liquid or flour because the dough is too thick or too runny. After repeating this couple of times you notice that the pancakes no longer come out of the pan as pancakes, more like a pile of goo, so you realize that you should add couple of eggs.
So now you have a pile of goo pancakes on a plate and the first sett of pancakes coming up on the stove that seem to look awesome and
cool hot and everything else is also perfect. Just the right temperature and right amount of everything in the dough. And then someone calls you. On the phone. No-one has missed you for the last month or so, and now, as you have the perfect sett of pancakes coming up and as the pancake is thin and you know you absolutely can not leave them there alone because two or three minutes is perfect cooking time before turning it or taking it off, but four or five minutes is too much. So you ignore the first call.
You turn all the pancakes and ignore the second call.
But the third time the phone starts to ring, you think that you have to answer it because if someone is calling so often but does not leave a message it must be urgent and important. Perhaps an emergency. So you go and look who called, but before you manage to do that, the phone rings for the fourth time and you accidentally answer it. You remove the burnt pancakes and put butter to the pans. You answer the phone and it's a telemarketer. One that does not ask "Do you have time to talk about..." but one of those who just right away start their monologue with no end. You pour more dough to the pans and listen for a while waiting for a gap in their speech, but after a while, you just hang up because if you do not turn the pancakes now, they will burn.
Another set of butter to the pans and dough. You check the phone and realize that all the four calls were from different people. This proves that when you start making pancakes, you become the most important person in the world. A "friend" that never calls you, was one of the people calling you, your boss, your mother. You flip the pancakes and see that everything is already lost, decide to call your mom because she understands if you have to hang up or don't answer for a while, put her on the speaker.
"Hi how are you? You called, I am busy making pancakes."
"Hi, I called, you busy now?"
"Yeah, making pancakes, what did you call about?"
Another burnt sett of pancakes but you continue making more because you think this call will end soon.
"I can't hear you, there's something noisy in the background."
"Yes I'm making pancakes, what was your call about?"
"I can't hear you. Can you hear me? IT'S YOUR MOM! I CALLED!"
"Yes, I know, I saw it here, on my phone where it says: missed call, mom. I called you back. I'm making pancakes."
"CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE! PIIP I'm sending you a message, I can't hear you. PIIP PIIP"
"Yes, mom, bye, I'll call you later!"
Another burnt sett of pancakes.
You hear your mom putting her phone to her bag but not ending the call.
You flip the pancakes hoping that they are not burned.
You decide not to call your boss because at this time the pancakes are more important than anything else. You silence your phone.
You're thinking that you should take the first set of pancakes that look good and eat them while you make more because if you don't, you risk getting only the burnt or doughy, cold ones as everyone else who live here are currently missing in action but magically appear when the first sett of perfect pancakes are ready. But if you do that, you risk burning the rest of the pancakes and what you really would now want to do is concentrate on the pancake frying thing so that the rest of the dough will become awesome pancakes and that you can eat the last three pancakes when they are still hot, sit in front of the TV and enjoy a little peace and quiet. Eating awesome pancakes.
But then you realize that you have not prepared anything ready that can be put on top of the pancakes. And that this time slices of cheese is not enough, you want sweet pancakes. But not too sweet, so nothing as simple as sugar or syrup on top will do. You want ice cream and whipped cream. You also want some sort of berries but you forgot to buy those so it's a no-no this time.
So the only easy part is to put the mango mash can (yes, it's baby food but I like it) to the table. You wisp the cream, cut the ice cream to thin slices and shake the vanilla sauce in a shaker so that it's not so runny.
Aaaaaand another set of pancakes burnt from either or both sides.
Finally, when you have had enough, and couple pancakes actually look like pancakes, you make the last one a bit thicker because it's the last of the dough and you are fed up making pancakes and would like to start eating them, it's time for the MIA:s to appear and take the best pancakes and you're thinking that all the people killed with frying pans during cooking, by the cook, must have been complete assholes and that they deserved it.
See the resemblance? NAILED IT!
Until next time.
Now I guess I have to go and clean the blood from the kitchen floor because the cats are licking it.
Or I could just wait and the problem will sort out on it's own.
No, I didn't kill anyone, shame on you for thinking that. The blood is mine. It's from trying to walk in the kitchen when the cats are surrounding me because they think I'm making food for them and I stumbled few times and hit my head to the cupboard corner.
So sometimes a tiny bit of the liquid in the pancake dough is red and has iron in it. But it's not flammable so it's okay.