Just Beneath the Skin (Short Story) - Finish The Story Week 67
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
With the best intentions
beginning by @f3nix
"A double toast! At your brilliant timing, for the second damn time."
The nurse spoke turning his gaze to the parking lot, beyond the window whose bars, swallowed by rust, had lost all their decorative hypocrisy. His cheerful lashing tone clashed with the fixture of his gaze elsewhere.
The lump of words channelled along the patient's Eustachian tubes like a sticky egg liqueur, while the neodymium lamp commented on the phrase with a quick moth’s flicker.
Through the steel bar on the side of the bed, her bleary, half-closed eyes returned to her the image of a lanky shape exiting the bedroom.
She wondered why she had only been noticed now, only now despite the endless carousel of drowsiness in which she had fallen for eons. A never-ending display of Chinese lamps, swarming with the nightmares of a painting by Bosch.
The impetus of thirst coagulated in a guttural moan, insufficient to make the sarcastic human crane turn back towards her.
The sound she emitted reminded her of a documentary with a koala, forced to walk on hot coals during a forest fire. It was something she had seen with Lucian that last night spent together before she left in secret heading to the clinic.
I had to fix it for us, Lucian. For once only, maybe the right one. And instead, look where I fucking got myself.
A sudden laugh tried to make its way. The spasms brought to her mind the horrible awareness of those tubes that, like worms, were violating her body. She had not noticed but two figures were now observing her from the edge of the bed.
"Rise and shine, Ms. White. You had a car accident just a mile away from the clinic. Fortunately, on his way back home after the shift, Valery noticed the wheels of your vehicle in the ditch along the avenue. We had to operate you urgently, a lung had collapsed and we had to contain internal haemorrhage in the abdominal cavity. It was not easy but someone up there decided that your day had not yet arrived."
As he spoke, the doctor's eyes stared at her in dullness and, at the same time, darting with curiosity.
She would have said that some of her saviour’s facial muscles - not all the necessary ones - were struggling to reproduce a slow smile. The attendant loomed from behind the doctor's silhouette, tilting his head silently to one side.
For God’s sake, tear all this stuff away and just give me a damn glass of water. Then I'll pay you what I owe you and leave.
She would have shouted at them, but the only breath filtering from her broken mouth didn't even sound like a koala moan anymore.
"Yes, I understand the curiosity, Ms. White." The doctor's eyes now reminded her of those of an abyssal fish.
"You have crossed the border and turned to us to participate in the pharmacological trials and, may I add, further to helping medical progress, you have also come because we pay fairly well."
A wet and repeated slap against the floor, in a point her eyes couldn’t reach, seemed to smear those statements along the washed-out walls. Through scarcely oiled winches, the human crane behind the doctor leaned forward in her direction.
"Well, Ms. White, notwithstanding the circumstance, you will be pleased to know that we have decided to still include you in the program. You will earn your fair compensation, after all."
Perhaps because of the narcotics, the doctor's face kept changing as if his features were playing hide and seek in the blind corners of her perception. A sound came from a low point close to the bed, similar to a badly restrained gurgle, while the doctor quietly turned away.
"You will have your money, despite your unfortunate condition or, perhaps, thanks to it," he said in a last laconic murmur.
Just Beneath the Skin
Ending by @raj808
Raindrops clung to the needles of the pine trees. Hanging like fat translucent plums in the still mountain air.
Unit 25678 watched the sun dip from the cloud cover, emblazoning the horizon in a lurid crimson welt against the upper atmosphere.
This weather and atmospheric effects made him feel strangely full inside, igniting an odd nostalgia in his mind, calling to his human side.
Further in the woods stood a red brick building, hunched forlornly at the mountain's foot.
Kristtorn bær medical facility.
He engaged all systems. Silicon heated as he flexed his hands, Kevlar skin tightened against knuckles.
Clara White lay helpless, like a fish flapping on the shores of night.
She couldn't tell what state she was in, she couldn't move her head. At least they had removed the bandages from her face and mouth.
A half empty glass of water sat next to the bed. She strained against the bed sheets but it was useless.
"Nurse, I need some water" she croaked in a guttural spasm.
The words faded as the dying light slanted through the window.
Something gurgled just out of view. She felt a viscous warmth swim through her, a cloying chemical balm. Whatever this drug was they were testing, it felt like being coddled in a tight leather skin.
The room swam in a myriad of colors. The neodymium lamp next to her bed flickered and then blazed into full beam. The feeling of warmth increased and Clara White faded away.
"How do we proceed with the White subject doctor Parker? Due to her injuries the genetic enhancement therapy has shown a 100% efficacy."
The bespectacled doctor looked up from his desk. "We continue as planned, nothing has changed."
"But she shows signs of full mutations."
Doctor Parker held up his hand, cutting the air like a knife.
"Nothing has changed." He spoke each word slowly, cutting the air each time. "The council do not care about collateral damage. Our job is to document any regeneration of tissue for report to the council medical board."
"But what about Mrs White?" We can't leave her in this state of mutation for the people of this world to discover."
Parker softened his voice" Things happen with this type of therapy Jim, you know that. You know what you signed up for. If Mrs White's metamorphosis doesn't stabilize we will have to destroy the evidence."
Unit 25678 paced the perimeter of the building.
Security was lax at this facility. This operation was running on the basis of 'out of sight, out of mind.' This type of inter-dimensional field research was a new slant on the councils outreach program. They thought no one knew about it.
He halted his patrol and stared through a frost stained window.
A doctor stood up from behind a worn mahogany desk, his face turning into the field of view as he studied a report.
Unit 25678 recognized that face, Aldernan Parker, chief of the research arm for the council's genetic manipulation program.
Bingo!
Glass shards arced in a crystalline rainbow as he dived through the window. Pieces tickled his Kevlar skin, feeling like that first scratch of an itch in the morning.
Doctor Parker spun, eyes bulging when he saw the array of cybernetic enhancements this intruder displayed. Parker glanced at Unit 25678 face, the only part of him fully unmodified.
"Robert?"
Unit 25678 grinned and knocked him out with a swift punch.
"You're coming with me you fucker!"
Unit 25678 stared down at this half-woman, shifting the unconscious Parker on his shoulder. Her eyes pleaded with him as she opened those scaled lips to reveal a large reptilian tongue.
"Water, please."
Her still-human eyes darted to the glass next to the bed. He lifted it to her mouth, some of it dribbled over her snout.
The intravenous tubes gurgled and she gasped. "No!"
He flicked the switch to stop the machine from administering the genetic mutagen.
He undid her bindings and removed the intravenous tubes.
A council chief of research and a viable genetic polymorphic. This was going to be a double payday.
He flicked the switch on the transporation tablet. The dimensional portal fizzed into being.
The end.
Shared on twitter as part of ocd/ocdb #posh (proof of share) initiative:
https://twitter.com/rowanj808/status/1203336852071239686?s=20
Thanks for the curation @pibara. I'm glad you enjoyed the Sci-fi craziness ;-)
P.s. love the silent bob graphic!
This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
@c-squared runs a community witness. Please consider using one of your witness votes on us here
Thanks for the curation @c-squared. I'm glad you enjoyed the Sci-fi craziness ;-)
Your post has been curated by the bitcoin myk project. Tokens are available for this account you can trade for steem at: https://steem-engine.com/. Join our curation priority list to earn more tokens by registering at:
http://www.bitcoinmyk.com/register/
Visit our discord at: https://discordapp.com/channels/523971711733858364/523971711733858366
Bitcoin MYK
admin
Register - Bitcoin MYK
This post earned 50 BTCMYK
Thanks for the curation @bearbear613. I'm glad you enjoyed the Sci-fi craziness ;-)
Hi there,
A nice continuation. Only at the end, I was puzzled a little.
So Unit 25678 - the full mutant as I understood, have Clara White some wanter.
Then she said "No" Why?
Also, he interfered with her transformation process. Why? What was his purpose in knocking out the doctor?
Who was the chief of research? Unit 25678?
And what was the purpose of the dimensional portal?
Hi @mgaft1
It's a little difficult to fill out the story to the full extent that I would like with the 700 word limit... but all the clues are there with a careful read ;-)
Basically, Unit 25678 is a cybernetic enhanced human bounty hunter type from the alternate dimension that they researchers are also from.
Unit 25678 knocked out Doctor Parker, and interfered with Clara White's genetic transformation because he was taking them both back to the alternate dimension to hold them to ransom to the council.
The one thing that I do think didn't come across amazingly well was that the research being done on Clara White had turned her into a genetic mutant with lizard DNA. @f3nix's subtle use of a neodymium lamp (the type of lamp that is used in pet lizard enclosures to mimic sunlight) was why I wanted this lizard DNA mutation theme, also that various lizard species can regrow limbs which fits in with the idea that she'd recovered from organ failures.
So Unit 25678 - the full mutant as I understood, gave Clara White some water. Then she said "No" Why?Then Unit 25678 fires up the dimensional portal to take his double bounty (of Clara White and Dr Parker) home. I think that this paragraph in section 4 is quiet important to making sense of it all as well.
Hope this clarifies things a little. It is kinda difficult to give a solid impression with the word limit while trying to stick to the 'show don't tell' rule.
I'm glad you enjoyed the ending mgaft1 :)
Yes, Much clearer.
I didn't understand that by "NO" she meant to stop the experiment, even though she apparently saw the mutant first time in her life and probably thought he'd kill or eat her. )))
Bounty hunter? Yeah, I didn't get that. I thought he was a previous patient of Dr. and now he wanted to get back to the doctor for that.
Also, the entire premise of the council from another dimension isn't very clear. Why did it need people or mutants? That requires a more extended setup narrative.
In that respect, I don't understand the 700-word limit. Who imposes it and why? The story should go the way it goes. It might take 20 words or 2000. What if it would be more than 700 words it won't win the prize? Who cares? I don't even know how long was my entry...
Anyhow. Good luck to you!
Good luck to you too m8.
Yes, it does usually disqualify you from the prize if you go over the limit. I've been writing in the 'finish the story' on and off for 2 years, and sometimes I've gone well over the word limit because the inspiration has taken me and time hasn't been a factor, other times I stick to the word limit and look on the comp as an exercise in editing.
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Not a criticism. Just sharing with you my thoughts. I don't do it when I don't care about the story. )))
Nice! I love what you did with the gurgling flapping thing next to the bed but out of her sight. And she has a snout! love this. I could not come up with anything for this, although I had become a bit obsessed with @tristancarax's 31 sentence story.
Thanks @owasco... I did like this story ending but I think it might have suffered a little from me trying to adhere to the word count. I think I edited it down from about 890 words to the 700 in the end. Some essential details got lost in the edit I think.
But sometimes I think a good story can be like this, where you can populate some of the happenstances with your own imagination lol.
For example, this was meant to indicate that Clara White was turning into a kind of Lizard/Human hybrid, along with the recurring use of the neodymium lamp (the type of lamp that is used in pet lizard enclosures to mimic sunlight), I wanted her to be a mutation with lizard DNA because various lizard species can regrow limbs which fits in with the idea that she'd recovered from organ failures.
To be honest though, I think all of this was far too subtle to be fully effective. This is the great thing about these types of writing exercises, learning is a life-long thing :-)
This is so enjoyable, matey. I loved the way the paragraphs are divided and the rythm you gave. Not even to mention that everything flows impeccably.
Cheers dude. I thought you might like the crazy mix of genetic experimentation and dimensional shenanigans lol
Oh I do! That kept me stuck to the page.
Well, a sci-fi enthusiast would be in for a treat here - genetic engineering and interdimensional travel. That is cool. So, we are looking at genetic engineering progressing to interdimensional species (if we permitted more than 700 words). Clearly the word limit stymied the story and yet so much was delivered within the limit. That's the vintage @raj808 style. :)
Ha ha, yeah kind of... in my mind the research group were basically farming test subjects from our reality because they had already tinkered with the genetics of their own people so much... like clean subjects with pure genetics. I actually edited out a few paragraphs that alluded to this exact point now I think about it.
So Clara white, has had her genetics merged/mutated with that of a lizard with a view to regenerating tissue (her damaged lungs), kinda like some lizards can regrow a new tail.
I might take this ending I've written and just run with it over the next few weeks with a 7000-10000 word target to see if I can flesh it out with a view to submitting to one of the Sci-fi journals. It defo warrants more word space I think :)