Grandpa Gotta Cook: On Trial

in #fff10 months ago

I Plead Not Guilty, Your Honor

All rise. Food Court is now in session, the Honorable Judge S. Avery Worcestershire presiding.

Bailiff, what's first on the docket?

Your Honor, today we have Grandpa v. Family.

Are the prosecution and defense ready to begin?

The prosecution is, Your Honor.

If it pleases the court, the defense would like to enter a motion to delay proceedings for 30 days.

Motion denied. Please proceed.

Yes, Your Honor. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I believe that all of this is a big misunderstanding, and the defense will show that due to unforeseen circumstances beyond his control, Grandpa is not responsible for the meal debacle that transpired the evening of Saturday, November 9 through the evening of Sunday, November 10.

You may call your first witness.

Your Honor, we only have one witness. No one else was willing to testify.

Well, then?

The defense calls the accused, Grandpa, to the stand.


Order. Order in the court. Grandpa, you may take the stand.

Raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?


You may proceed counselor.


Would you please tell the court what you were doing on Saturday, November 9, at 4:57 pm.

I was checking on the crockpot meal I had started three hours earlier.

And what did this meal consist of?

It was a cheeseburger macaroni dish. My younger son tends to like the combination, and I was trying a crockpot recipe of it.

And just what all went into this recipe?

Oh, chicken bullion, evaporated milk, flour, salt and pepper, garlic both minced and in powder, chicken broth, Worcestershire sauce, and macaroni and cheese. And there was onion and of course, ground beef.


Of course. Very good. I want you to look at Exhibits A, B, C, D and E and tell me if they are images of the ingredients you used.

They are.

Good. So, not quite at 5 pm on the evening in question you were checking the meal. What did you discover?

That even though the crockpot was plugged in and set to high, the crockpot was not cooking.



So, the crockpot was not hot on the outside.

No, it wasn't.

But everything was plugged in and on.


Don't you normally check to make sure the crockpot is heating up?

Yes, I do. But this time I didn't. I don't know why. I was caught up in the fact that I might actually have dinner ready early this time that checking the crockpot fifteen or so minutes in completely slipped my mind.


So then what did you do?

Well, I checked the connections of the cord on the crockpot and in the outlet. When I did that, the crockpot started working. I decided to try cooking on high for thirty minutes in the hopes things would be ready.

And why would you think that would be okay, if the recipe required three hours on high?

Well, prior to putting everything into the crockpot, the recipe called for browning the ground beef and boiling the macaroni. So, basically, the essential ingredients were cooked already.

And you thought the rest might be done in thirty minutes?

Well, not exactly. I figured it could stand more time but that at least by then, it would be suitable to eat.

And was it?

No. The liquid ingredients are basically supposed to be consumed or absorbed by the beef and macaroni, and it was still soupy a half hour later.

So, what did you do?

I kept cooking the dinner on high, but decided instead of eating it for dinner on Saturday, we'd hold it over for dinner on Sunday.

But what about dinner Saturday night?

I got Taco Bell for everyone.


Order! Order! If I can't have order in the courtroom, I will clear it. Thank you. Please continue.


Would you please tell the court what occurred after that.

I cooked it for another hour and a half or so, and then I put it in the refrigerator overnight.

I see. You put a crockpot worth of macaroni and beef into the refrigerator so it could be eaten the next evening.


And what happened?

Well, the macaroni went soft and congealed and looked more like hash than macaroni.

Did you know this was going to happen?

Well, not exactly. I was hoping that when I warmed it up, things would separate.

And did it?

No. But in my defense, people scooped out their own while it was cold and warmed it up in the microwave.




Did you eat some of it?


And what would you say is your honest assessment of the meal?

Well, aside from having a mush like texture, which wasn't at all pleasing, the taste was fine. I mean it was edible, it just had the consistency of mashed pasta.

Did everyone else eat it?


And what did they think?

No one said anything, other than the youngest.

What did he say?

He had some the night before and really liked it. He wondered on Sunday if it would be better to have eaten it Saturday night.

And how did you respond.

Well, the top part of it, what he ate might have been good, but the bottom part was probably wet and mushy. The best thing would have been if the crockpot had been cooking it all along.

Your Honor, no more questions.

Prosecution, your witness.

Your Honor, we have no questions for this witness.


No, You Honor.

You may call your first witness, then.

Your Honor. We believe that the defense has made our case for us, and so we see no need to call any of our witnesses at this time.

Does the prosecution rest?

Yes, Your Honor.


The defense rests, Your Honor.

Very well. Bailiff, if you will escort the jury to their quarters, this court is adjourned until such time as a verdict is rendered.

Your Honor?


The jury would like to render their verdict now.

Now? But there's been no deliberations...

They've apparently been passing notes while you weren't looking.

Well, this is highly irregular. This could cause a mistrial...

Sir. Your Honor? May I read our verdict?

Who are you?

Juror Number Three, Your Honor.

Have you been appointed foreman?

I have now, Your Honor.

Read your verdict.

We, the people of the Food Court jury, find the defendant, Grandpa...

What do you think they're going to say?

Shhhh! I want to hear!

...guilty of not knowing what happens when macaroni is left as a solid mass in the refrigerator overnight.

Thank you, foreman. We will now proceed to the sentencing portion.

That's quick.

Highly irregular.

This court is a circus!

Order! Order! Thank you. For the guilty verdict on one count of macaroni ignorance, the defendant is sentenced to continue to cook once a week for his family until such time as he actually figures it out. Court adjourned. Bailiff, you may now escort the jury. The defendant is free to go.

Well, that didn't turn out so bad. You're back where you started.

I was almost hoping to go jail to get out of cooking.

There's always next time, I guess.

Thanks, Bob, for everything.

Until next time, Grandpa.


All images courtesy of Glen Anthony Albrethsen

This edition of Grandpa Gotta Cook is published in conjunction with @foodfightfriday, a weekly contest about, that's right, food! All are welcome to participate. Simply post about food, do it on Friday, use the tag #fff, and then go and check out the other entries. Winners are determined by who receives the most votes from a jury of their peers.


This post is already a gem but, if I was able to add one ingredient, it would be a few well placed Phoenix Wright gifs.

Exhibit A bqt8590rnx.gif

I rest my case, your Honor.

Hey, @anthonyadavisii.

I admit, I was lacking in my objections. :)

In fact, I had a Perry Mason flashback for a moment. Can't remember exactly where it was, but during my attorney's questioning, I was going to have the prosecutor object and then say, "The entire line of questioning is incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial!" I refrained. :)

Haha, gold mate! Really good! More of this please.

Hey, @galenkp.

More ruined dinners or more Grandpa on trial? Both? :)

I think I can deliver the ruined dinner part without much effort. :)

There's a lot of Your Honoring going on with the court stuff, though.

I'll see what I can do. :)

Well, I guess I just mean the sort of humour (humor) in the post - It's refreshing and interesting. I also like it when people have the ability to turn a negative into a positive as you have in the post - You could have ranted about the ruined dinner, but instead you entertained us.

Don't ruin too many dinners for our reading pleasure though.

Hahaha… this is great. You’re so creative and what a fun read?!? I love the entire plot, your grandsons testimony, all of it. Bravo @glenalbrethsen. I think you gave out some yourself sir. Happy food fight my friend!

Hey, @puravidaville.

Long time no see! How are things?

Well, I'm glad you liked it. I figured this needed to be a little bit different, and the fact that it's probably the only true failure—others were more a matter of taste or preference, and being late—I'd have to make fun of it somehow.

Unfortunately, it doesn't get me out of cooking duties. Speaking of which. It's Saturday again, and I have no idea what I'm cooking. :)

What?!? No hamburger Mac and cheese cooking from yesterday? Haha… I’m sure you’ll come up with something. I loved the part where you told the judge you bought everyone Taco Bell and there was a unified gasp. Haha… brilliant.

This is really fun to read and it shows up like a toons in my head 😂 I love it! No matter how the macaroni was... but when the younger said he wants it for saturday meals... you are not guilty!

Hey, @cicisaja.

Well, I'm glad you liked it. :)

The younger son really does like it. And for the most part, it comes out pretty good. Usually it's an oven bake, though, and the oven is a little bit more reliable, or something. :)

I'd had other meals go wrong before somehow saving them, so I was hoping to do it again. That's what I'm guilty of. Pushing my luck! :)

Your Food Fight Friday Contender has been entered into Round 69
May your contender make it out alive and not be placed in a permanent food coma!
Good Luck
Have a

Hey, @foodfightfriday.

Always a pleasure. :)

Hey @glenalbrethsen, here is a little bit of BEER from @foodfightfriday for you. Enjoy it!

Hilarious @glenalbrethsen, what an imagination you have. Love it Grandpa!

Hey, @farm-mom.

I'm glad you liked it. :) The imaginary scenario just seemed to fit after what happened with the meal and such.

Yeah nothing worse than mushy noodles.
But being on trail? What great idea, loved the Q&A, LOL

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Guilty! .... of making me laugh out loud a few times while reading this :)

Hey, @carlgnash.

Thank you. :) I'm glad you liked it.

Doooood! That was frikkin great, @glenalbrethsen! Bullion Brilliant! Congratulations on the reward, good lookin out @curangel, @curie.

I ain’t pleading the fifth on this one, A+ in the court. It’s nice to see authors getting what they deserve. I’d like to nominate a return visit those cartoon captions you did that one time when everything in fridge was talking to each other. I think this new Steem will be much more appreciative the second time around.

Great contender, sir, your participation has always been top shelf—thanks for throwing down. God bless the whole pact out there in Oregon.

Hey, @dandays.

Thank you for all the kind words. :)

I've been thinking about the food cartoon myself, and re-posting some others in general. Not sure how well that kind of thing would be received, but variations or new stuff would still be in order, right?

It wouldn’t be the same without you @glenalbrethsen.

 10 months ago Reveal Comment