Why don't children come with instructions? Looking into "Positive Discipline".

in #ecotrainlast year (edited)

What is the first thing that comes ro mind when you hear the word Discipline?

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Here I am again diving into something new, something that has taken my attention away from anything else I'm reading these days...


As much as I like to think we're cool parents, you know relaxed and all that, we do tend to spin out of control lately with certain things. Sometimes we'll even discipline our awesome little guy with small punishments such as turning off the TV or taking away his right for dessert. And then, from time to time we can even get angry enough to yell.

I never liked that kind of behaviour coming from me, especially when it comes to my kid. Yeah he can get enoying, he's 5, but that's no excuse to lose controle. I became aware of something called positive discipline the other day after one of my sisters told me about it.

So, to discipline actually means to teach, somewhere along history we turned that into something that is usually tied to punishment.

I never liked punishment, and here I am doing it... it is cruel and I don't think leads to anything good for the long term. They're just little humans who want to play all the time, and there's nothing wrong with that!

Dr. Haim Ginott, who pioneered a non-punitive, communication-based approach to parenting says:

I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a parent or teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.

Well here you go, this guys says it best. We have the power to do good, so why do anything else but that? The future is not only in our young, but it also belongs to them, so let's show them some respect, please.

Click here if you want to read the article which got me interested in positive discipline.


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This would make a great Question of the Week. Should we be imposing ourselves and our demands on children? Disciplining them to what? How?

Tough stuff. This solo mom is hearing you. Personally, I've never had bedtimes or rules and have negotiated our way through mostly... discussed short and long term outcomes and, from that, tried to shape and lead. It's worked wonderfully well and I can ocunt on one hand the times I have had to "pull rank" and be the ogre. Mostly cos I was impatient and inattentive to her earlier signals of needing time, space and connection.

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We'll see if @eco-alex might put something along these lines in his QOTW schedule for Jan-Feb.

I'm so tough and solo-mom tonight that I'm borderline numb. Probably just fatigue talking.

Thanks for the lovely sentiments - made me tear up. x

I wpuld feel honoured if that would become a QOTW. I don't know how single moms do it, since having our little guy, I have grown tremendous respect for all single mothers. You truely have a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week job that is really hard!

You are all strong and super appreciated!


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The first thing that comes to my mind is obedience. !invest_vote

Thanks for that vote @andrepol 😁!

Talking about obedience... have you seen this:

You're welcome! Coming back here I finally took the chance to actually read through your posting. And reading the article you linked on "positive discipline" (in the beginning an oximoron to me)... Air, Dark, Obedience. I still don't see what's positive about teaching or pupil, coming from an #unschooling perspective.

I like point 4 and 5 as they wrap up what I was thinking when looking for an alternative to discipline: creativity and opportunities for learning. From an anarchist perspective I sometimes like to say "I am allowed to be an a..hole, so you are." We learn from that, don't we? The only trick is not to be an a..hole all the time, right? But how can you remain one, when there's opportunity to be one?

So point 6 is the best thing to do, and sometimes scene can be location as well. All that 7 to 10 is offering is absolutely worth considering. However, I would not consider this to have anything to do with discipline, except we take discipline as what I think it is, when it is positive: self-discipline. Kind of a pleonasm in my mind, if discipline is not about obedience.

Now heading to the URL in your comment... !invest_vote

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I like the term urge in this citation. It lets me think how bad behavior probably is just that: an urge for freedom. Then again thinking of point 10 in the article on creativity and opportunity a.k.a. positive self-dicipline. ;-) !BEER

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