The final part of this NVC workshop will be posted next week. It is the part most of us have been waiting for.... finally its time to speak up and get our needs met! Now, doing this is also surprisingly easy.. If you know what to say and how to say it. This post is a warm up to this, with some great and short youtube videos to watch. These will get some of the grounding you need to understand the mood and words that we need to hold in order to make a request from someone.
In NVC we make requests, not demands. In NVC what we find is that the whole dynamics are very different by the time we reach the stage of making a request. Since we have already taken the time to listen and understand someone's feelings and needs, you have created space form them to listen to you. They will want to meet your needs. We have moved past any raw emotions of anger, frustrations etc. because we now understand what needs they are linked to and are ready to find a way to solve them with compassion and clear direct requests.
Some of the tricks to doing this properly are, stating what someone SHOULD do rather than what they should not do.
For example, rather than requesting:
" I would like you to stop turning up late every night to dinner"
You can say:
" It would make me really happy if you come to dinner at 7pm so we can all eat and spend some time together"
Note that it didn’t say
"It would make me really happy if you would turn up to dinner on time."
Stating a clear, non judgemental, non blaming request is easy once you are used to spotting blame or judgement. In this last example, saying at 7pm is a direct request, very clear, and precise and does not trigger negative feelings in others. It also includes the feelings and needs that you have, i.e. "so we can all eat and spend some time together"
Just say what you need, and work from there!
SO, to help you on your way with this, i have selected a few videos below that will get you on the path to making your requests, and getting your needs met.
HOW TO MAKE AN NVC REQUEST (PRESSURE-FREE FOR THE OTHER PERSON: 2:52 minutes
MUST WATCH! -
Be CLEAR About What You WANT | Marshall Rosenberg: 26 minutes
Powerful Requests (versus Demands): 11:45 minutes
Marshall Rosenberg: Love & Clear Requests: Audio only 7:08 minutes
I hope you watched and enjoyed these.. NVC is fun to learn, we can laugh at ourselves, and discover what i can only call a secret door to a whole new world. I will be posting this final workshop next week once I am back from a short break...
Much love to you all! <3
PREVIOUS WORKSHOP LINKS
NVC Workshop #3: IDENTIFYING NEEDS WHEN LISTENING AND SPEAKING
NVC Workshop #2: Identifying feelings when speaking and listening
Non Violent Communication Workshop #1 - JOIN US!
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