Are you tired of having the same arguments with your friends and family, and never really getting anything resolved? Do your children not listen to you or rebel against everything you say or just keep saying "Whatever"? Would you like to learn the most powerful way I know to almost instantly change the dynamics and resolve conflicts that you may have been having for years? Then please read on and discover what Non Violent Communication is really all about, and learn practical tips and knowledge that will empower you to take control of conflicts without needing the other person to do anything differently. They will act differently quite naturally, once you understand and learn how to speak the new language of The Giraffe!
If you are interested in this, but don’t have much time then this four week long journey is for you! There are many online courses available, and one of the best ones, although free to start, takes SO much time to read all their materials and do all their exercises and journalling every day that most people just can't get into it. Therefore I am doing this simple version to make it possible to share with you the real core essence of NVC on Steem, without all that detail and information to deal with!
There will be a bit of reading each week, not too much, and then a simple exercise or some REALLY simple questions to answer. Most of the time these questions are your training time, where you can learn about the process of how to speak effectively. There are four pillars to NVC, and each each week we will look at one of them. The pillars (components) are Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests. When we can understand what these four pillars are, and how to work with them you will be ready to start changing your life and your relationships in truly magical ways!
To get you all in the mood, and whet your appetite I would like to explain a bit more about NVC to you right now, call it an introduction. If you are ready to start with us then you can also watch the short 10 minute movie and do the first exercise below. If you are reading this and are feeling like this is the perfect time for you to pick this up, and would like to put much more time and go very deep into it then you can also try the complete course on-line, free for 30 days. You can find this course at https://nvctraining.com.
NVC is a new paradigm for communication
Most of us are hungry for skills that can improve the quality of our relationships, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or simply help us communicate more effectively. Unfortunately, most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose; to think and communicate in terms of what is "right" and "wrong" with people. At best, the habitual ways we think and speak hinder communication and create misunderstanding and frustration. And still worse, they can cause anger and pain, and may lead to violence. Without wanting to, even people with the best of intentions generate needless conflict. NVC helps us reach beneath the surface and discover what is alive and vital within us, and how all of our actions are based on human needs that we are seeking to meet. We learn to develop a vocabulary of feelings and needs that helps us more clearly express what is going on in us, and understand what is going on it others, at any given moment. When we understand and acknowledge our needs, we develop a shared foundation for much more satisfying relationships. Join the thousands of people worldwide who have improved their relationships and their lives with this simple yet revolutionary process. Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Non-violent Communication connects soul to soul . . . It is the missing element in what we do. - Deepak Chopra, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body, Timeless Mind
Non-violent Communication has two parts and four components. These are the tools that help us communicate more effectively. Once you are familiar with these tools and how to use them, you will be in a position to shift your communication dramatically.
NVC is based on natural giving and allowing our needs to be met.
- All human beings share the same needs
- Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting everyone's basic needs
- All actions are attempts to meet needs
- Feelings point to needs being met or unmet
- All human beings have the capacity for compassion
- Human beings enjoy giving
- Human beings meet needs through interdependent relationships
- Human beings change
- The most direct path to peace is through self-connection
What is NVC?
While NVC is much more than a communication model, the components below provide a structural concept of the process that leads to giving and receiving from the heart. NVC means honestly expressing how I am and what I would like without using blame, criticism or demands AND Empathically Receiving how another is and what he/she would like without hearing blame, criticism or demands.
Whether expressing or receiving, NVC focuses our attention on four pieces of information:
Observations — Objectively describing what is going on without using evaluation, moralistic judgment, interpretation or diagnosis.
Feelings — Saying how you feel (emotions and body sensations) about what you have observed without assigning blame .
Needs —The basic human needs that are or not being met and are the source of feelings.
Requests — Clear request for actions that can meet needs
Next week in our first part, we will start our journey and learn about Observation and how to observe without judgement. Observations are simply the facts of a situation, what you heard someone say or what you saw someone do, without adding any evaluations or judgments. This is such an important concept to understand, because many people are judging people or evaluating other people's behaviour instead of just communicating what they actually saw. This is often the very start of getting 'off on the wrong foot', and usually leads to conflict.
This Weeks Introduction Exercise
This weeks exercise is to watch this 10 minute video by Marshall Rosenberg. This man is an NVG Guru, and shares such important and special information in his personal story.
If you would like to join us then please make a post as follows:
Post Title: NVC Journal: Reflections on the Need for Connection
Take a few moments to reflect and write briefly about these questions:
- Describe a moment that you felt deeply connected to another person.
- Where were you, and who were you with?
- What were you doing? What was the other person doing?
- What words, if any, did you express and/or hear the other person say?
- What qualities did you experience that let you know you were connecting? Be as specific and detailed as you can be.
Please post before Monday 20th January and use the ecoTrain tag and the nvc tag and any other tags of your choosing. I hope a few of us do this together and we can join each other and witness our journey on this magical adventure. I REALLLLY look forward to the potential of some of you sharing your stories as you do this, and asking for advice from each other as we lean and let this unfold.
Please do let us know in the comments below if you post and share the URL so I can be sure to find it!
Looking very forward to learning more and sharing this experience with you..
I'd like to leave you with some quotes from NVC
- Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.
- Classifying and judging people promotes violence.
- Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.
- At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.
- People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.
- It may be most difficult to empathize with those we are closest to.
- Compliments and praise, for their part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs
- Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet their needs.
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