ecoTrain QOTW: What 3 things are most important to you in the ecoVillage of tomorrow?
The most important things to me in a successful and harmonious ecoVillage are the things that are most important for everyone’s happiness and well-being. A non functional community would never be a nice place to live no matter how well it was built, or any amount of comfort and luxury it may have. Ultimately, the ecoVillage of tomorrow should be the place where everyone has their most important needs met, their voice heard, and a safe space for us to live our lives with freedom of expression and non violence.
1. Natural Giving / Non-Violent Communication (NVC)
When I speak of non-violence I am not only speaking about physical violence. This point must surely be my first and most important aspect of the ecoVillage of tomorrow. I have been learning a lot lately about non-violent communication, and it has been a real eye opener to say the least! I think that this has to be one of the least understood concepts and yet the most important in our modern times. There are only a handful of people who really understand what non violent communication really means, and let me tell you it is about much more than not being angry or aggressive when we speak. It is genuinely a new paradigm of communication, based on natural giving, and centred around communication that does not label another, blame another, and plays no part in the I’m wrong you are right game. What it is really about is being able to identify our needs, and then communicating them in such as way as to open the door to a resolution.
It is a tragic thing to tell someone to stop doing something, or to change because something they do annoys you. Blame and oppression are built right into our language, but most of us are not aware of it. It is tragic to tell someone that they are this or that, because when you do it you end up ensuring that you will never get your needs met, and you close the door to any productive dialogue. Instead, if you can learn what your needs are, and don’t use the word YOU in your sentences, things can go in a very beautiful direction so easily. So rather than saying, I feel upset because you have not spoken with me today, we need to rephrase it in a different way. Instead we can say, I feel lonely and really miss our chats and intimate time. Suddenly, we have not blamed someone, instead we have just stated our needs and give space for the other person to respond without needing to justify or be defensive.
This concept goes a lot deeper than this. WE can take non violent communication to the next level when we understand that we should also not blame or praise someone by saying they are clever, or even worse they are a good boy. This is such a dangerous and damaging way to relate to another because when we say things like you are good or bad or clever we and up putting conditions on them, judging them, and making your approval conditional. It is suffocating and causes great pain and struggle because then others want to keep feeling a pressure to behave a certain way so that they can get approval, or avoid punishment. It is a travesty that we punish and reward people for their behaviour.. when someone makes a mistake we want them to suffer for it, so that we can feel better about it. "Say you are sorry, like you mean it" we might say to even our loved one who has made a mistake. This is such a damaging way to relate to another person, and just perpetuates the game of 'I’m right". So if we hear a child play some music or create some art, instead of saying " You are such a good artist, you are so clever", we should instead be saying something like, "You art is so beautiful, it makes me feel so inspired and happy". No that has NO judgement on the child being good or bad at anything, and instead is just a sharing of how they affected us.
So its OK so say I am angry, I am frustrated, I feel disrespected, because there is no judgement there. We just have to be very careful how we continue that sentence, and make sure don’t use words that are judgemental such as, I feel betrayed, and certainly don’t go on to say Because YOU....
This way of communication is not easily or quickly understood, but it is incredibly important to successful relationships and indeed community. It is my belief that most communities live and die base on their communication and ways to deal with conflict. Because of this, in my ecoVillage of tomorrow I would hold weekly workshops, lectures and activities that would teach and instil these qualities in us all. Violent communication would not be tolerated, and over time the entire community would learn to live and speak in this way, and WHAT a difference that would make!
If you would like to learn more about this, then i invite you to watch one of the videos below by Marshall Rosenberg. This man has a kind of rare and incredible wisdom on this subject and shares it in workshops and lectures. They are just AMAZING to watch and will help you to rewire your thinking and communicating. If you have children, and find your communication is very aggressive or not fruitful then this is really is a must watch!
Basics of Non-violent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg
(This is a great short 10 minute introduction)
NVC Marshall Rosenberg - San Francisco Workshop
(Go deep with this and watch the full 3 hour workshop)
In a way the next points don’t really matter, and pale into insignificance when compared to non-violent communication, but I will of course still mention them!
2. Community support, collaboration, activities and events.
These are so important to help the community to bond and connect on a regular basis. This includes eating at least one meal a day together in a large shared space, which is most important.. we bond over good food like nothing else! The food has to be good of course, and in my ecoVillage it would be SO good but also very healthy and made using community produce whenever possible.
The community would also help each other with their activities like family do. There would also hands available to assist with whatever we are doing. A lot of activity will be related to producing food and goods that can be sold to the wider world, and holding events and workshops to share our knowledge with the community and visitors is another important and very enjoyable way to work together. Ultimately we are not just a community but are family, and feel and support each other in much the same way. When we can all live and feel this way of being we no longer need to measure, count or compare ourselves to another. When we all have what we need, and have the support we need we no longer view others as competition or as a threat.
3. Diversity & Freedom Of Expression.
Nothing brings colour and novel interesting dynamics then having a community made up of the most diverse cultures and people that we can have. Things get very stale and boring when we all thing the same way and say the same kind of things. Diversity is essential for a community to flourish, have good ideas, and be able to overcome challenges. Freedom of expression is also tied to this, in the sense that we should also have a diverse sense of expression, and welcome them all. We may not all enjoy or agree with others, but we should always be willing to hear them out, have an open mind, and most importantly not feel threatened by them. I believe that when we live in a community based on NVC, this becomes much easier to!
So, it is hard to just choose three things, and there are of course many more things that I think are very important in my ecoVillage of tomorrow.. and im sure i will be writing about them soon in another post when I update you on the Steem ecoVillage Community that I am currently in the process of manifesting.
Thanks for stopping by, and if you felt moved by this post I would happy to hear a word or two from you in the comments ;-)
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I basically did a video on this sometimes ago, sometimes people can be verbally abusive without even reflecting this on their speech or sentences, community living require some of the most intricate values and non violent communication sets the ball rolling for other value to follow in building a harmonious society. I was looking forward to a video 😄😄😄 cheers sir
A lot of violence starts on people plates. Nice post!
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This is kind of along the same lines I was going to take in answering the QOTW.
The problem I’ve experienced is that we are all so conditioned in living in communities that are the opposite — competitive, unsustainable, and so on — that we need some serious de-conditioning when we move into such communities.
What was always missing was folk who could facilitate such changes in the individuals so that the group can function authentically.
Having said that, what an amazing opportunity for personal growth and evolution! Learning how to live authentically, and relate with others authentically.
I'm very moved by NVC right now. About not blaming and just allowing discomfort - disengaging where needed but doing so without the drumroll and the drama. A very thought-full post, my dear. Loved the way you have begin at the beginning - with values and shared appreciation of core beliefs, even if they are not fully shared.
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I'll be honest, in the past I've fallen into the trap of praise and discipline type punishment with my children. It's how many books and magazines one raising children recommend. It certainly seems non violent, yet it is subtly manipulative. Praise to get the behaviour you want and time out for behaviour you don't want. Although teaching to withdraw yourself from a situation you're not handling well is probably not a bad thing, which is what timeout does.
I’m glad you mentioned shifting the praise/compliment to what they've accomplished or made. As I became more aware of how praise, punishment and even feedback affected my daughters in that was how I shifted my own feedback.
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@eco-alex Perhaps the 3 things that seem to me to be the most salient that should have an EcoVillage, is as first thing people interested in the common welfare, we understand that words are very important, but there are many forms of non-verbal communication, ie, with a smile or a look, shaking a hand, or giving a gentle pat on the back, I feel that you give him encouragement and say without using words as his presence makes him feel.
as a second thing I feel that there should be laughter, joy and love are engines that help us move forward, in our case (as musicians) we are sure that in our village there should be a lot of music, many children singing, playing instruments and laughing. Our mission is not only to make music, it is to make people feel good while we make music.
And as a third thing I feel that there must be purpose and faith, yes, they are two things that must go hand in hand, because I can have faith that something will go well and that someday I will build my ship, but if I don't have a clear purpose and I don't study to bring things to reality, I would be left only with false illusions. @eco-alex We believe that action is determinant in this type of villages, the purpose for doing things well. #ecotrain