Feeling Down Ulog
Yuan is fully charged.
Maggie tolerates her crazy hooman fae taking her photo, but won't look at the camera long enough to catch it.
Hi Steem fam, how are y'all today? I am down in the dumps. I have been spending the last few days with creative spiritual pursuits, but also crazy stressed about money. I have three months of electric bill to catch up on, and am running very low on food, and I do not know how I'm going to pay for either. I think I'm going to have to power down for the first time since I've been on Steem, which sucks because I view my Steem power as a long-term plan to escape this viscous hand-to-mouth poverty someday. If I sell it all and it moons, I'm still poor. :(
It feels like my mental capacity? Neurological health? Brain fog? Is getting way worse. This morning I spontaneously started sobbing because thinking of all the doctors I've begged for help who utterly blew me off crossed my mind. Doctors don't care about helping people. I don't know why they are doctors other than prestige and a paycheck.
And no - do not tell me about your favorite herb or diet or The Secret. Do not do that to any chronically ill person. I promise we have researched our symptoms and ANY possible remedy MUCH more thoroughly than you have. NTM, you do not know all their circumstances that may contraindicate your remedy. If someone asks - you're good. But please don't make people feel worse or obligated to give every stranger on the internet a full medical history. We don't have the energy to do that labor for everyone who demands it.
I am grumpy and disheartened and sick, and it's not for lack of trying to get better. You cannot ward off disease by blaming sick people for not being how you think is best.
Train of thought break - am I the only person who takes the time to unclog the glue bottle and then marvel at the lump of goo?
I just super hate being alive and I'm in pain and feel hopeless. Maybe somehow all my magick will kick in and life will be grand soon, but 40+ years of life experience says things get worse more often than they get better.
I've done a LOT of things to try and make things better - physically, psychologically, financially - and it just feels like an exercise in futility. I've done the conventional advice and the alternative advice. Ironically, depressed though I am, I'm better now psychologically than I used to be - pretty much all my anxiety reactions (except the bug phobia... ) are gone. And I used to have a lot of them.
Unless, you know, I'm not anxious anymore because that's the part of my brain that fried. Who knows?
So yeah, that's about where I'm at today. I hope your day is better.
On a happier side note, the wind is gusting through the open window and rattling my tambourine across the room. :)
Stay strong, Steem fam.
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oh @phoenixwren, I am sorry to hear you feel like that, it sucks and I am in the same boat as you and nothing ever seems good.
Bad days always seem more that the good days and I don't care what people say either when it comes to their potrail over things.
Regarding the food situation, have you thought about asking a food bank to help you. we have church run groups over in the UK and as long as you get someone to contact them for you and say you don't have any they help out. I have used the food bank once a month for the last 2 years.
Regarding your electric bill, contact your supplier and ask them to put you on a pre payment meter, and add the debt to that, so when you top up 10$ they take $2 for debt.
I nearly had to go bankrupt because of owing the energy suppliers over a £1000, I looked for help on line and found out my human rights. they can't just cut you off and they have to find a solution to meet both of your needs.
Just a few ideas that I can put forward to you. and I hope that your day gets better.
My mum used to say a problem shared is a problem halved. I am hoping that with what I have put helps you.
God bless. and stay safe
The problem is that I'm allergic to so many things, I can't eat most of what's in a food bank. I can't eat most of what's in a grocery store, either - but food banks are 95% processed food that I am allergic to, and almost no fresh food that's just a few ingredients instead of twenty or thirty (and ergo, more likely that I can eat it because it won't have six different allergens in it). I had used one a few times back when I was first getting diagnosed with the allergies, and already by then when only some of the tests were done but not all so I didn't know the extent of it yet, I couldn't eat most of what was available.
And there is no such thing as a pre-pay electric setup in the US - and then it would just get turned off faster, anyway. :(
Thanks for the empathy, though. I'm sorry you are also struggling. <3
Gutted, I would have thought with america been a country that is so much more advanced than some countries that they would cater for people like you.
Sounds to me like your human rights are getting neglected and that to me is unexceptable.
Sounds to me like the energy companies need to look at there code of practice too, not supplying pre payment meters is crazy. we have pay points all of, 90% of shops give you the option to pay at their stores.
I don't know what else to suggest, is there any family members you could ask for help from?
America is advanced for people who have money - and a terrible place to live if you're poor. There are reports now finally hitting the news where studies show it's a first world country for the middle class and up, and a third world country for everyone else. The UN has said that how we treat homeless people is a human rights violation. The only reason we don't have proper slums like most third world countries is because the police arrest the homeless and/or throw away what little they have by way of shelter like tents and blankets - in the freezing cold, even, in the middle of the night - and tell them to "move along." Move along to where? If they had someplace to go, they'd be there.
Every now and then we get an "encampment" where several homeless people have pitched tents together for safety, and the police "sweep" them and throw everything in a dumpster.
I am selling my most recent Steem and PAL earnings and going to make a payment toward the electric with that. Usually it is true that if you are at least making payments they won't turn you off. Usually I carry two months past due and am fine - three is when you start getting shut off notices, which is why I was freaking out.
It's always so wild to me when I watch BBC shows and someone talks about topping up the power meter. That just doesn't exist here!
I will ask for help if I can't see any other way. But thank you for being a listening ear when I needed to vent! <3
I get the feeling you're a bit isolated from friends and family. Going things alone is ten times harder than when you have a support network. I wish I could be there for you more than virtually.
I don't know what, if any, kind of support there is for people in the U.S. and I'm guessing it's different from state to state, too. I do know that welfare there is appalling and I'm amazed anyone can survive on it. I gather that food is cheaper than here, but I don't think you can really call that food, especially when you have a lot of intolerances. I sometimes wonder if the U.S. is trying to poison it's poorer population to death.
Is it easy for you to exchange Steem? How would you say it costs for a week of groceries?
BTW, I'm in agreement with Art, try to get in touch with your power company to negotiate with them. As long as you're trying to pay the debt, they shouldn't cut you off.
I don't get any form of welfare. I used to get food stamps, but they kept making it harder and harder to reapply even though my situation hasn't changed. They deny most people disability several times and maybe you'll get it after years of appeals and a workload equivalent to being able to work to fight for it - which I don't have the ability to do - but I would never win an appeal anyway because I don't take drugs, and they will deny you if you don't take drugs, or haven't tried literally ALL the drugs. A friend of mine worked in that department and saw an epileptic person get denied because there was one drug they hadn't tried ...which they couldn't afford without insurance ...which they couldn't get insurance without a job ...which they couldn't get a job because they were seizing several times a day. They even had a seizure right there in the disability office. Still denied.
So yeah, our "welfare" kinda-sorta helps some people but mostly denies people and exists to be able to say "if they really deserved it, there would be help, everyone is just lazy."
But I digress.
I'm feeling a bit better because I just ate, actually - a FB friend literally ordered me a pizza and had it delivered to my apartment. <3 My online friends are awesome. But yeah, I am pretty isolated in person. I will go months a lot of the time without seeing a friend. I see my mom once a month. That's about it.
I just need to vent sometimes when I'm feeling really low and hopeless. Thank you for hearing me out. :)
Damned at every turn. I don't know how you manage.
Glad you have some amazing friends on Facebook and are feeling a little better today.
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That's how it feels, yeah. Like, things that shouldn't be big snowball into this enormous problem that could have been staved off early if only one little thing had gone right.
I read some report a while back about how, in order to escape poverty, you have to literally have NOTHING go wrong for A DECADE - then, maybe, you'll do it. Otherwise, you're stuck.
Depression can make you feel and/or be an isolated person. But reach out! You already are just posting here!
The internet is definitely my social network. I don't know where I'd be without my online friends! <3
Long time as well. My hip replacement has done a lot to help me with a part
Of it. I've upvoted this post 100%, and I'm going to send you a DM in
Discord. Although, it will be tomorrow before I can see or respond.
Don't despair my friend, there are people here who care for you.
Thank you, I appreciate the support! <3
Dang! I was sure you and I had exchanged messages in discord. I can't
Find you there. Please send me a message and I'll get back to you
Tomorrow.
tsuseer#3994 in discord.
I'm FirebirdVelitas#4492 on Discord. Will be signing off for the night here soon, I think. Thank you again for your kind words!
I just got up, and am groggily beginning my very busy day, but I found you and
Have sent you a message. Be well, be patient. I'll try to be as responsive
And that as quickly I can today.
Thank you, I got your message and just responded a little while ago. I have been cleaning today, which definitely helps my mood when I can scrounge up the energy to manage it! So that's why I only got online now. :)
PS - what's the information wiped away by Steemit that you reference in your "about," may I ask? I thought things couldn't be erased from the blockchain?
I have diagnosed major depression. I do FEEL your pain. It is very hard and seems impossible sometimes. Also, I can't speak for other countries but mental health care in the the US is horrible. That's why there's so many addicts because no access to good mental health care. Effed up! Hang in there. I have kitties too they cheer me up. {Hugs}
Thanks for your empathy. <3 Yeah, I'm in the US too. The only reason I've had some therapy (but do not currently) is because I got it through a nonprofit specifically aimed for survivors of violence. Getting it through insurance, even when you have some, which I haven't had for most of my adulthood (but at least I do now have medicaid because of the AHA) - yeah, it's a nightmare. Like you're going to cure major depression or PTSD with six sessions. The system is crazier than my crazy ass. ;)
Kitties are the best caretakers! <3
Fuck honey, I am glad lots of people have stepped in to offer good advice and support here. You are struggling amd my heart reaches out to you, which doesnt help when I am too far away to help.. if I could Id storm your doors down. It absolutely DOESNT help when people suggest blanket remedies that are not necessarily right for you. Have you been to any support groups or is there anyway you can reach out to people close by to connect with folk? Thinking about you xx
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Thanks for your support. <3 I had a therapist a couple of years, or a year and a half ago? But haven't had any kind of group or support of that kind since. I've been focusing since on trying to get my day to day in order - ie, my chaotic apartment - and have made slow but noticeable progress on that front, which does help because it's 1000x more overwhelming when I don't have the energy to cook or clean and my living space is just a sty. Once I have purged a bunch (which I have, purged a LOT of stuff), it will be easier to maintain. But you gotta make a mess to purge - like Mari Kondo has people just dump ALL of their clothes on the bed to sort through them, you know? That really is the way to do it, and what I started doing even before I had ever heard of Mari Kondo. Ergo, the chaos apartment. LOL But the end is near! I can see it!
Then we'll see what next step I can take to get my life to a more manageable level.
Ah, quite literally cleaning out the cobwebs!!! I know what you mean. They say a tidy house means a tidy mind.. but gotta eatch you dont get OCD about it! It is therapeutic though...reach out if you need.
I used to have OCD. Legitimately, diagnosed by a psychologist OCD, not internet hyperbole OCD. It made cleaning and purging harder! Because I had the perfectionist streak so bad, if I couldn't do it perfectly, I'd be utterly overwhelmed and not be able to do anything at all.
That's why I could "perfect" micro spaces - I could Tetris a closet, say, or keep my desk at work and the filing cabinet hyper organized. I once was hired for a temp job where it was literally "please make sense of our donations room" which was just piles of donated goods to the organization. I made it into a little store where clients of the org could shop. The marketing person wanted to hire me permanently just for that. LOL
But my apartment? Total disaster. Because it was too much.
So, I had to nix the OCD - which I have, thank the Gods - in order to even begin to tackle this. It's a very, very good thing that I can purge. ^_^
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