Burn, Baby, Burn
My life has been pretty turbulent. I've had quite a few trials and tribulations. Today marks the death of my oldest daughter. It's been 14 years and the pain is not as sharp but it is still present. This death anniversary is not as hard as some, but it is hit or miss. Sometimes there is underlying anger, sometimes, like this year, brings about a deep quietness and deep reflection. I don't speak much, I don't create much, I just be. LOL.. whatever the hell that means. Maybe it's survival, maybe its a quiet way to honor her.
Either way, I usually stay present in my life, but I become a spectator, if you will. I get my kids to school, I get dinner on the table, I exist, but I don't participate. No place else have I felt that than here on CTPTalk.com and the CTP platform. I would watch the feeds, but not curate. I would be reading both Discord and Telegram, but not respond or speak.
..But today, well, today was different. I felt willing and excited to get back here. I MISSED being here.. Talking, engaging, laughing, creating. It started off this morning with a simple good morning. Without missing a beat, @ 4:00 am each morning @bradleyarrow comes into the Discord chat. I decided it wasn't quite time,,, but soon, soon I would be back. So I began to dive in later that morning. I worked on engaging, talking, creating, curating.. Soon I am feeling productive and proud of myself. I begin to add some content on other media platforms and what do I find??
Little miss @elianaicgomes working hard to stay on track with her #2020vision videos. She hasn't missed a day. Through a sick little boy and personal injury she pushes on. She does an amazing job in each one, I've always enjoyed watching them. Except this one was different. How? Because she called ME out on it! I got a mention in someone's post! Little old boring me! LOL... challenge accepted. I have created my first video. It still needs a spit and shine as not all my participants were cooperative, so stay tuned! It will be out tomorrow!
I had forgotten how good it feels to be part of this community. How much YOU PEOPLE fan MY flames.
Thank you and God Bless each of you cool, amazing people!
Oh, Jenna, I have a friend who lost her youngest child when he was only little to some kind of illness some years ago. You are not little and boring - no more of that now! This is a good place to find your fire-fanners! Looking forward to seeing the video.
David Hurley
#InspiredFocus
Thank you so much! The community here on CTPTalk and CTP is definitely a place where I need to be. Without a doubt is where I can grow and get more established in my life and my business! Looking forward to a great journey!
Welcome back. We are here for you :) so glad that I could help be an inspiration. You have no idea how much that helps me also. This is what I love about our CTP tribe. We really are an extended family :)
LOL... there are some mornings at 4am, I've shut my alarms off and hit the snooze, I hear your post ding and I think, "Bradley, go back to sleep!" LOL.. No really, you are a great motivation, your consistency is to be admired!
You must be Central Time ;)
Thanks a lot for sharing about yourself and your life Jenna, and great that you reach out and engage with people, and I am glad that you are part of this community, stay awesome.
Thank you so much! You are a great power here on CTP Talk and Steem. I appreciate your encouragement. I means a lot on days that may not be so easy. Watching people like you that master this each day is an inspiration to keep climbing!
Thank you very much Jenna, and you insprie me.
I guess it was the perfect time to call you out!
I'm really sorry for your loss, can't imagine the pain!
I keep doing these little things with David everyday because we cannot take the next day for granted!
And I'm glad that you're joining us!
It feels good when you keep something on track!
Can't wait to see your videos :)
Hello!.. yes, your timing was so perfect, it actually made me cry!! .. and not tears of grief, but of relief! I had been trying to come up with a way to segway and bring my rescue to the blockchain.. I had thought about doing the #2020 Vision... but I didn't want to do something typical or something everyone was doing.. I have kids, but that was your niche.. and then it hit me!! I just posted it a little while ago, I hope it is a great way to bring attention to the block chain AND my adoptable loves! Thank you so so much!
So glad you find comfort and community here. Many of us understand the pain of losing a child. Everyone grieves differently, but we survive and make everything we do honor that life. For example, when I work with children at church or love my remaining grandchildren, I honor our little Ruthie's life.
Thank you for sharing your story. Interesting you brought up your church. I spent years searching for other surviving parents who could understand. It wasn't until I came back to the church after being gone several years that I began to heal. There are many people in my church who are surviving parents, strangely they were right in front of me all along. I was taught it was okay to move on and continue to live through the word of God. I have true faith that we will all see them again someday.
I sympathise with you and your loss, it must be a tough time of the year, however it's good to see you are pushing on. It's great to see the community support with all the great people at CTP! And you are also a great person so keep your chin up and keep pushing on. ❤
Thank you so much! This community has been such an amazing addition to my life and my business. I treasure each of the friendships that I have made here and ca't wait to continue on this journey.
So very sorry for your loss Jenna! Glad you're back and that this community is providing support at this difficult time. Sending prayers and good thoughts for you and your family
Thank you so much! I am very lucky to have found this community, both for my own sanity and my business. LOL....I think for people like myself who are self conscious and unsure of how to put themselves out there this is definitely the place to be!
Beautiful blog post. I am so happy you returned. I am looking forward to getting to know you more, because you have such a vibrant energy! I am sorry for what you have been through with the loss of your daughter. Even though it's not the same, I lost my husband in 2015 so I can relate in a different way. Grief is a tricky thing but we all go through it in our own way. The CTP Tribe is truly like a family (as @bradleyarrow mentioned in his video this morning) so we are here to support you & one another.
And thank you for accepting the #2020Vision challenge. So excited to have you aboard. Please let me know if I can help with any questions, etc.
Sending much love & pixie dust! 🧚♀️🦄💜
Thank you... all grief is the same in my book, I don't hold a trump card because I'm a surviving parent as opposed to a widow. We all hurt, the pain runs through us. It's up to us how we let it out. When we have to walk through it, and we all eventually will, we all deal with it differently. There is no right or wrong way., that's the beauty of our individuality. Eliana's timing could not have been more perfect. It was as though when I watched her post everything I had been thinking of and working on for the last week just swiftly fell into place in my head. I've made upteen videos and erased them all.. lol.. Onward and upward! Thank you for your support and your friendship!
That is so true!! And timing is everything sometimes. I am grateful for your friendship as well. Always there for you. 🙏💗
I am very sorry for your loss @jennawash5, I cannot image how losing a child would be like, but I am glad that you find comfort in reaching out to the community, and the great response you have got, keep up your great work, it's awesome.
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