Memory's Vault: The Suitcases Were Never Far Away...
When I was a kid, we moved often. "Constantly" might be a more apt description.
No, I was not the proverbial "military brat," instead my dad's job took him all over Europe (mostly) and the rest of the world to help breweries and bottling plants set up and modernize their equipment.
You see, my dad was the CEO of a bottle cap manufacturing company in Denmark... but he was also a genius "crazy inventor" who was constantly trying to improve on the ways things were done.
The first dandelion of spring
"The Factory" was on the smaller side among the giants of the industry like Crown Cork and Seal (now called Crown Holdings) but my dad made it highly competitive by "being part of the product," meaning he offered "fringe benefits" the giants couldn't: His hands-on innovations and inventions.
In turn — although I technically speaking grew up in Denmark — this would take us to France for a few months, then home; then to Italy for a few months, then home; then to Kenya for 7 months, the home; then to Spain for 5 months; then home.
Each "home" period lasted maybe a few months; maybe as much as a year.
On the surface, one might be given to think that it was a fascinating and adventure filled life. From my nearing-60 point of hindsight, I have gained greater appreciation for it, myself.
Roses, budding out...
Two Sides to All Stories
One of the things I remember most clearly — and the attendant feelings remain fresh in my soul — was the eternal sense of restlessness. A sense of instability; a sense of eternal uncertainty.
Living out of a suitcase was simply a part of reality. Every place we went came with the same subtext: In a few months we'll pack it all up and move on.
The dark side of the story, of course, manifests as a hesitance at forming close friendships and bonds with others. After all, what's the point of trying to make a best friend if you already know that you'll be parting ways, six months from now?
My friend Ann — the therapist — made the interesting observation that I tend to "view all connections from the point of loss."
It has taken me years to get to a point where I no longer do.
Tiny white flowers in the lawn
Curb Your Enthusiasm...
Some feelings... old habits... can be very hard to shake.
Mrs. Denmarkguy has always been filled with enthusiasm about traveling the world and seeing new places, and I often feel sad/regretful for her that I tend to offer her a lukewarm response to the prospect of travel. Travel has tended to bring to the surface feelings of being uprooted, more than anything.
Of course, it's not true anymore... but it often amazes me just how long it takes for old patterns to wear off. By the time I was 21, I had lived in a dozen-odd countries on three continents, been home schooled in part, and otherwise gone to 14 English language schools in different places.
Exciting? Meh... when you're a cautious and introverted kid to start with, try being "the NEW kid" every six-twelve months for your entire childhood.
Calendulas budding out
This Memory Came Up...
What's interesting is that these old memories started bubbling up when I suddenly recognized that the current "uncertainty" hanging over our community here gives an almost identical feeling of quiet resignation... recently I have found myself looking around for my figurative "suitcase" in expectation of the very real possibility that I need to make sure all my content is stowed neatly in my carry-on bag and I may need to take it elsewhere.
And start over. For the 3,427th time.
I think perhaps that's what troubles me the most, here. I'm sick and tired to death of "starting over." Goodness knows I've done it before, more times than I care to remember. And I'm very good at it.
But I am still sick and tired of DOING it... It's NOT "exciting," it's a pain in the ass...
Thanks for reading!
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Created at 20200311 15:13 PST
1221
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I also envy you and Mrs Denmarkguy for having the ability to travel.
I can too,
NOW
but I am so reticent, so reluctant to 'step outside my comfort zone' at this time in my life (I'm almost 65).
still waiting for health issues to pass so I can perhaps
BEGIN
I'm still not that big a fan of travel... although I do really enjoy day trips. We don't actually travel much due to work obligations and the expense of it. I'm knocking on 60 and also on the reality that I may never get to retire... so we take it pretty much one day at a time...
I, on the other hand, have never had a "Vacation" where you go somewhere, not to work, not to a family reunion, wedding nor funeral, somewhere you can just go sightseeing, exploring ancient ruins, study history in the first person...
I want to do some of those things before I get too old to be ABLE to do them and (even worse) REMEMBER having done them
65 used to seem ancient, I always said I'd live to be 120 (who knows, still might) but my years of drug and alcohol addiction and abuse have probably made that a very unrealistic possibility
Well, our last "do nothing" vacation was in 2015, and before that it had been more than a decade since we'd taken truly "off" for longer than a weekend. I realize a good bit of that has to do with being self-employed...
Yep, and I have been more or less self employed since I left the military in 1980.
I worked for several years as the head breakfast cook at Hardee's (Fast food), but that had no benefits and it was a long time ago.
Good morning @denmarkguy
@denmarkguy, I feel you. I cannot imagine myself being uprooted every after 6 months. 😢 That's very tough of you and your family for leading this kind of life.
And now, with everything else uncertain, I can feel how things seems like a de javu to you. And perhaps bringing back that "trauma" again, if I should say it.
Hope everything will be well. But I am happy to know that your "suitcase" is ready if ever things will turn out to be the other way around. Please stay positive. ❤
It was not easy to live with, at least at the time. I think my parents really enjoyed being global nomads, but I didn't... all that much. Ironically, the most settled I ended up feeling was after I left home and came from Europe to the US to go to college. Actually living in the same apartment in the same city for four years seemed like such a "luxury!"
I'm definitely trying to stay as positive as possible with current situation here in the community. The talk about simply "moving" the community to a whole new blockchain sounds more and more appealing.
For now, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.
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Must be really hard to be constantly moving. Always adapting to a new environment and new people. I never experience moving and still living in the place where I grew up.
In retrospect, I suppose I wasn't helped a whole lot by the fact that I have always been slow to adapt to new things... so I would just about have gotten used to a new place by the time we'd be getting ready to move again...
Oh my goodness! This post makes so much sense to me as I am in the same boat.
My mom got divorced when I was small. We left the farm and I must have been in 10 primary schools as we moved around constantly. To this day I have no "best friend" and go through life on my own. My wife is my closest friend.
This explains why I am always starting new projects and I will now have a deeper look into this finding of yours.
Although I have had many opportunities, I have for no known reason always resisted traveling. However I love exploring and finding new things here at home.
Blessings and thank you for having the courage to explain this!
Thanks for the kind words @papilloncharity!
I do get the distinct impression that those who had more or less "rootless" upbringings tend to translate the experience into a quest for stability in adulthood. At the same time, I also recognize that I don't really pursue friendships, almost like it's a life skill(?) I didn't really develop. Which isn't to say that I don't like having friends... but I just don't assign it as much of a priority as others, it seems.
Like you, my wife is my closest friend. We understand each other because she had a not dissimilar upbringing.
I don't know what happened to my reply to this reply my friend.
But here goes with another reply.
My wife is the exact opposite as she had both parents and never moved until she married me. One school and a sheltered upbringing by great parents.
Since our wedding she has now moved with me, I think about 9 or 10 times hahaha. We are very close and work together at the charity and I find that her stable upbringing in a strange way helped me to become more stable.
My maximum time to stay in a job was 5 years on two occasions and all of the other years can be divided into about 15 jobs. Except of course this job that I am in now at the charity, as I started the charity in 2001, registered the charity in 2002 (got married) and I am now in 2020 still running the charity. The longest I have ever stayed and it will be my last job as I am 4 years away from 70.
Hope that you get this reply!
Blessings!
I'm very sorry for everything you had to go through, but I'm encouraging you, my friend.
Thank you! I suppose I have moved beyond a state of feeling sorry, anymore... but I do prefer things to remain pretty constant, whenever possible.
Yes, that seems like it would be a hard way to grow up, especially being the new kid and knowing you'd be it again and again. Did you ever consider doing what your dad did for a living? It seems his business acumen and the inventiveness that was part of his being, could have rubbed off on you, but I got the idea it didn't. Very interesting to read!
It was the greatest desire since my childhood: to travel and discover new landscapes. As an adult, I started touring my country because of my own company, in which, towards the maintenance of companies that are dedicated to the production of animal feed. Venezuela is not a country with an immense extension of lands such as Canada, the United States or Brazil, so I was able to know and live almost half of my country, although I have traveled from one extreme to the other.
Today, because of the great economic problem that my native country is going through (A government with the wrong policies) I live in Chile and I have been in 3 more countries enjoying its natural beauty. Do I miss my country? Of course! I'm still not used to the 4 seasons or the time change, but as long as I don't return, I have to enjoy every moment and to make as many friends as I can. When I return, they know that they will have a place in Venezuela where they can arrive and be received with the warmth that characterizes my beloved land.
Thanks for sharing and taking us on a mental journey with you. I love to hear about how 'life' is viewed and ultimately interpreted from another perspective, given the factors that influence it. I try to remember these things (these stories) when reflecting on my own life experience, and more importantly, how I may be the influence on someone else's budding story.
:-)
Oh my goodness I can totally relate to this. I too moved a billion times as a child. I get these feelings you're describing. The ability to develop strong friendships was definitely out the window as a child since we were always moving to a new area. Needless to say, we raised our children in one area...now all they want to do is travel the world, lol
I can understand that moving so many times will be very traumatic. I moved to 3 different high schools and it was bad enough for me!!
I hope things here at Steemit will settle down, so that we don't have to move!!
Thank you for sharing your story!!
Constant moving must wear you down especially as a child, the excitement of travel is completely different when you are older.
Moving from one social media place to another, yes one gets sick and tired of this constant unsettled feeling. This does feel like home!
Very nice post "from the heart" @denmarkguy. In my own life, referring to our family lives as "tumbleweeds," due to the number of times we "moved on," then I can relate. But ... Only somewhat, since our "travels" were inside the boundaries of mainland America.
Sorry to read of the apparent difficulties caused by your upbringing, but it makes sense as you let us know how that impacted your view of moving. Again ...
As far as relating that to our engagement here on our Steem blockchain, I guess we'll all find out soon enough whether that will be necessary. Certainly challenging to be optimistic, at the moment, about it all being peacefully resolved in a mutually beneficial (win-win) manner ...
This is a very moving and thguth provoking life story. What many desire others despise.
Coincidentally, I was thinking about that today because my older daughter, who is in Brazil now, is facing a possible coming back home after only a few months. She has been livign something similar t what you lived, only locally, without so many contries involved. Brazil was supposed to become home, at least for some 8 years and It hurts me deeply that she will have to keep packing and feeling uprooted, erratic, once more.
What is happening with this platform is equally disheartening.I have tried to avoid thinking abut it too much, but it will affect me deeply if I had to give up Steemit, especially because we have no sense of certaint that the next platform will be more stable
It's interesting that as a former itinerant, you think of relocating. I think of just hunkering down. Nice application of your history to your present. Therapy comes in handy!
That's an interesting perspective, for sure! Certainly brings up a perspective on why a new blockchain may not be the most desirable for you. If it does come to that, hopefully the impact is as minimal as possible.
Howdy sir denmarkguy! What an interesting upbringing. Not that I would have wanted that type either, but you gained so much more worldly experience than the typical kid growing up that it had to provide at least some advantages down the road.
Are you referrring to the coronavirus as to why you feel like you may have to up and leave again?
I feel for you, @denmarkguy. Change is hard for many of us, and with your past it must be especially difficult. I don't have the same past as you, of course, but this post really resonated with me. I think we all have things in our past that feel as real and present as if they happened yesterday. I still feel insecurities that developed out of damaging relationships I had 50 years ago. What is up with that. Recovery is life-long. Letting go of past pain and angst is a practiced art and the bad has to be replaced with a thousand times more good to counteract it.
About change and beginning again... I think we, as a community (Steem), will in fact have to start over. But I hope it's not too painful, and I hope we can do it together (e.g. fork to a new chain), with a lot of community strength and belief that we are an entity separate from the stake, the name(s) and the past. That's what's different here. It's not a change that is about loss, but about rebuilding with what we have that is so great. It should give us a lot of hope for a better future!
It's great and very sobering this publication. I admire people who have traveled the world as we say out there and they have a great experience that they internalize and helps them to be great human beings. I loved your lines full of sincerity and clarity from the soul and your own life experience that has to show. A beautiful publication that leaves a message of wisdom: you can always start, but sometimes you have to anchor and stay somewhere dear and make us feel good. Thank you for sharing, @denmarkguy the photos too beautiful, the sense of publication, fabulous. I hug you and i've been following you now, I'm Venezuelan.