the praying introvert

España, Op. 165: nº. 1, Preludio. Isaac Albéniz

Lockdown in California is to be extended til August unless a vaccine becomes available sooner. I haven’t left my home since March. Is it a hotbed of covid death outside? The news gives little clarity and confidence but I feel less paralyzed with dread. I spent the first six weeks wrestling a sniffle and earache wondering...

Allergies or a slow march to death?

Not wanting to die alone at home, routines became my meditation for stability; vitamins, exercise, organizing and tidying. Creating calmness took effort. With it being Lent season, I was also STONE SOBER.

I finally started playing the piano for myself this past week. Silence had given me comfort.

Inside my head was chaos. Perhaps being unusually quiet is why my neighbors checked on me often. Aside from measures and snippets of me playing for my students, my own playing for personal joy was static.

I finally made peace with the pandemic. This year’s birthday was celebrated solo. I was happy knowing that everyone I cared about was safe and healthy. I had imagined Thanos’ triumph would’ve been realized by the virus. Nope. Thanos never appeared.

Liberated friends post videos of life on their side of the country. California is still predicting the death specter’s arrival.

I recorded Preludio to break my silence. It’s been ten weeks of solitude watching the world through the internet. People around the world are tired of being afraid and are now fighting to live freely. It’s getting harder to accept the prescribed narratives.

The boat is rocking, burdened with fluffy fluffy cargo. Time to change things up.

JNET