Trust issues: learning to blame the liar, and not yourself...My comment to @tarazkp 's post....

in blog •  6 months ago 

I will be doing this more, I think.

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Posting in depth replies in my own feed, also.

I'm not referring to this post specifically - but it's included in it, for sure - but I feel (rightly or wrongly), that much of the effort and input (with lots of other people to) that is put into some peoples replies, offers equal (or more) value than the original post itself.

I see posts that are never actively commented on, receive relativity large rewards. For vapid content, and downrigh foolishness..(yeah yeah, circle jerking, and DPOS - I get it, I'm over it).

But by that same metric - it makes no sense to spend your time constructing well thought out arguments if they are never gonna be seen, replied to - or never being voted on.
(something that's noticeably changed since hf 21 22,?)...

The logical step, therefore, is to post on your own blog, and thus allow your readers (and your own auto voters), to give you value to the comment that you've spent so much time writing.
(Especially if you see that it offers more value than just the original post, standing alone. A subjective opinion of course, for each person to decide)

HOWEVER......I really don't want to put all my responses onto this, @lucylin's blog - it clutters up my own origianl content creations.

SOOOOO... will you please add @lucyreloaded on to your follow/auto upvote/whatever, to your list,? - I'll be using that account from now on, with which to post - exclusively- replies to others posts, (where there has been some work put into them)

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PLUS, this being my post, I feel more freedom to express myself, more latitude, shall we say.. It's my fucking blog, after all...

Here is the original full length post.
https://steemit.com/showcase-sunday/@tarazkp/showcase-sunday-trust-issues-learning-to-trust-again

There are some interesting and valid observations ( in the middle part of the post, anyways) - which I do not cover in this 'comment reply'.

I do focus on some of the more 'interesting' (worrying?) aspects, instead (as I see them).

And its worth me posting it on my own feed. (In my opinion).

( remember, it will be @lucyreloaded for these kind of things, from now on. I will always resteem my posts from @lucyreloaded)

Showcase Sunday - Trust issues: learning to trust again

OR...in my post....

Trust issues: learning to blame the liar, and not yourself

@tarazkp.. So, the reason we don't actually trust anyone is because who we are actually trusting is ourselves.

So by logical extension - You DON'T trust yourself? Fair enough.
A very interesting self reflection - intended or otherwise. (it's very difficult to trust yourself, of course, if you do not know yourself).

@tarazkp.. The blame of "broken trust" lays solely on the individual who feels that they have been wronged.

So lying to someone doesn't come into any part of this equation?
The person responsible of breaking a contract,(and trust), is absolved from any responsibility?
...just....wow.
It sounds like a justification for all and any behavior being acceptable, and it's all on the victim.

A little like..... It's not the rapists fault she walked down a dark alleyway, he was just 'doing what he does'
or 'She was wearing a short skirt, she was asking for it'.

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There is no emphasis placed on the person who breaks the social contract in this case.
(not in your paradigm)...

An interesting - but disturbing, world view, that you have there, sir.

@tarazkp.. This is the problem with trust as it is really only a one-sided concept but involves more than one person.

No, it's a contract between different individuals, essentially one based on an implicit -if not explicit, agreement, of truthfulness.

@tarazkp.. Now, back to the start for a moment. Have you ever had your trust 'broken' by a person you care about? Was it because they didn't act like themselves, or was it because you evaluated 'who they are' badly?

Again, you don't seem to bring lying into the equation at all.
People lie, and as I'm sure you know, some are better at it than others.
This doesn't then put the the onus of responsibility on the person being lied to .

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@tarazkp.. Why did you evaluate badly if you are such a good judge of character? Greed.

Nothing to do with other person actions? Lies? A conscious deceiver? Really?
Greed is the reason?
Again, this says more about your your world perspective, and your perspective of allowable human behaviors -way more than the reality of honoring mutual contracts. (based in honesty).

@tarazkp.. You wanted something from them didn't you? You wanted their status, power, body, love... you built up expectations based on what you wanted them to deliver and when they failed, you blamed them.

Equating ' want', and 'greed' is a logical fallacy. (maybe not in your head - but it is, nonetheless).
'I want to drink water is not the same as I am greedy for drinking water.

@tarazkp... Again, who is behaving badly?

Again...The person who breaks the contract.

@tarazkp.. The one who acts on their nature or the one who expects someone else to behave against their own nature?

So everything anyone does is acceptable, is 'right'. Lying could be in some people's nature - as I'm sure you are well aware of.
Therefore you don't, or can't blame them for lying? seriously?
The responsibility lies at the victims feet?
You cannot be serious!

@tarazkp... Remember that when you place your trust in someone, it is a contract between your evaluations and expectations, not them, as they will do as they do.

So there is no responsibility to the other person. No implicit contract of truth in any exchange whatsoever?
'Hey, I was just doing what I do'....

Do what thou will shalt be the whole of the law', and all that?

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I never knew you were a fan of Aleister Crowley, lol... (but not entirely surprised).

@tarazkp... When your trust is broken, it was your evaluations and expectations that were poorly aligned with who they actually are.
Is that their fault?

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Liars are gonna lie. And that's THEIR fault.
always
An interesting observation, though, one that throughout this post, you laways put the onus of responsibility firmly on the person being wronged, and none on the person doing who's the wrong.

All the responsibility on the person lied to, and none on the liar.

What does that say about your perspectives in life, to see it in such a way?

zerrrrrrrrrrrrry interestink...Step into my office, take a seat - or lie down if you prefer...

All liars are absolved, and your stupid if you fall for a lie?Really?

The responsibility of broken contracts (through lies), is entirely at the feet of the liar.

Trust is not a relationship with yourself, but with others...(except if you don't trust yourself).

But to try and guilt trip others' for their poor judgments - especially if it's based on another's lies- is to shine the light of 'social contracts, communities, and interpersonal relationships' in the totally opposite direction, of where it needs to be focused on.
It's gas lighting.

Ethical behavior.

Ethical behavior includes behaviors toward others - and that part of that is trust.

Unethical behavior, is putting the onus on the wronged,(the victim) for it being their fault..
MMMmmmmm.......

A VERY illuminating piece about yourself, sir.

Thank you.

(BTW - I wouldn't let your any of your work colleagues or clients know about this Steem account, though, ...not if I were you...lol)

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Good work, @lucylin. That is certainly the plan: for everyone to embrace individualism and do w/e they want. Slick way to usher in satanic spirituality, if it can be called that.

The paradox being, that it's only individualism ( a belief in sovereignty of the self), that will get us out of the mess that we are in.

The trick is individualism with a wider sense of responsibility .

When collective mindset comes first, then hell follows soon after...

When your trust is broken, it was your evaluations and expectations that were poorly aligned with who they actually are.
Is that their fault?

That is a classic for Taz in a nutshell.

Other classic along the lines things he'd say:

"Whose fault is it that you feel cheated by the changes, your implicit understanding of the intricacies involved wouldn't necessarily equate to that of the platform."

So it's your fault you feel cheated.

"Quality content is subjectively based. If the rewards are not there or you lack being noticed you should start thinking outside that box."

So it's your fault for feeling your material was worthy.

I follow him, I don't read as much stuff as I use to, basically because I am not that poorly aligned anymore when it comes to some of the stuff he says.

Yeah I wind him up - I think he thinks I'm bullying him or something - which I'm not.
I do , however - feel it's incumbent upon people to point out to everyone else postmodern idiocy.
It _needs to be called out, and not let it stand unopposed as 'logic'.
(we are in the shit we are in today because of the silence).

....hence me using Lucy's old profile - @lucyreloaded- from now - as a 'list' of posts.
No one spouts quite as much as he does on here. (if there is let, me know - I can have more than one on my lucyreloded list!)

I think he hates me, but I'll try mock him into growing up, before life itself does it for him ( that's a much harder trip).

The things I do to help people! lolol.

OOOOOOOOOOooooooHHHH!!!!!!!!!

You have now become my official 'word salad producer', scout! lol

Promply followed, and eyes on him....

this might be great fun! lol

"Remember, Steemit has high authority for Google. That means IF you write AMAZING content, optimised for SEO, and that people are looking for, you will show up in Google Search Results. Generate traffic to Steemit.com or your favourite tribe, and potentially make some extra cooky-dough yourself.."

...there's no doubt left when they forgo the bacon bits on top and go full out ham.

I've been there with him when he's thought I was being insulting when it was just a matter of humor being lost on him. He'll get on a roll about something sometimes it makes you want to stand and give a salute. (Doesn't matter if you agree with it or not, never stated an opinion on the subject matter)...just brought a light he was grandstanding a good eulogy of Mr Douglas...(which is a compliment)...but, unfortunately he's never been of the nature to have watched any episodes of Green Acres in his life so the whole thing gets lost on him. lol. Trying to explain it to him sometimes I don't know if it makes it better or worse. lol.

....the insecure of position, rarely see humor as a way to interpret the world .

It's serious business being right, don't ya know?

He raises very valid and interesting perspectives - but fragility keeps coming to the fore.
He has great potential, though ! lol