Living in Limbo ~ just a blog

I've known for the past few years that I've been living in a type of limbo. I've never really known what's going on, what's going to happen, am I staying or am I going, if I should bother meeting people and making friends, if I should buy this or buy that because what's the point if I'm just going to pack up and move and have to cart it with me?

As a result of that last one I have two ancient couches that are of absolutely horrifying quality and I need to pad them with blankets so they don't destroy our butts and backs, a semi-broken TV, a computer that should be dead by now but is somehow pulling its way through life, a dryer that dances across the room when in use... amongst an assortment of other things.

I've just never bothered to replace anything because I figured if I did move I could just rubbish it all and start anew, and I've never really bought anything new, decorative, nice for the house, nice for me, because, once again, that could wait for if/when I moved.

It was all just a matter of a time, and that time has finally come.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that I would be moving in June next year -- that's now changed to December this year. I'll be breaking my lease, moving in with the love of my life, and officially living a proper life that doesn't involve lurking forever in a weird phase of self-imposed limbo.

I'm finally doing stuff, and not just sitting on my butt and staring at a computer screen or living in my imaginary world, daydreaming forever. Not saying that those are bad things to do -- I thoroughly enjoy doing those things -- but for the first time in a long time I'm starting to actually feel alive. I have a life to look forward to. I have goals. Plans that actually belong to me as well as someone else. I'm not just agreeing with things that someone else wants and not me, I'm not just silently following along like I've always done.

And it's exciting!

I've been a bit quiet here on Hive while trying to sort things out and I'm so sorry. I was looking forward to hosting the @freewritehouse's next #FreewriteMadness in November, but I won't be able to; hopefully it will still go ahead anyway. And I miss babbling on forever about whatever game I'm currently playing.

I'll get back into the groove once everything settles down.

But I've been working things out like all the upfront costs I'm going to need to pay for come December -- internet contract cancellation, moving truck and relocation costs, the fact that I'll still be paying rent for a house I don't live in until someone else takes over the lease... I've been rummaging through cupboards and realising just how much useless, unnecessary crap I have stored everywhere; have started the arduous process of sorting things into Keep and Throw piles.

Yesterday was particularly arduous because I began in a cupboard that hadn't really been touched since I moved here eight years ago, after all the stuff with my family happened that caused me to disown them. Was a bit sad going through those memories, then I crinkled my nose and threw the majority of it out. Not all of it, but most of it.

I've also been going through school locations and working out the best one for my son to start at next year. Moving in December is good because he'll be able to start the school year at a new school instead of being upheaved in the middle of the year and being thrown into disarray. Need to make everything as smooth as possible for him.

Whilst I'm focusing my attention on the future, I've also been continuing on with my exercise and weight loss efforts.

I've made a few more adjustments to my diet, removing my daily energy drink or daily iced coffee and instead replacing it with two daily proper coffees -- I only started that about 5 days ago, but it should be good for both my body and my wallet, haha. Daily iced coffees are expensive, so buying a $16 thing of Moccona and some milk and sugar a month will be much better than buying $105 of Dare Double Espressos.

I've been a bit slack with my eating though. It's so difficult for me to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just don't really get hungry until dinner time. So I'm still struggling to incorporate a good amount of protein and whatnot into my diet.

I have my coffee, then a couple hours later I force myself to have some fruit with high-protein yoghurt, and then dinner is either chicken, kangaroo, lamb or fish with the largest pile of vegetables you've ever seen.

It's still more protein than I was eating before, so, small steps. I think I'm getting about 45-50g a day.

Physically I don't think I look much different from my last photo update but my new jeans are fitting a bit more comfortably now whereas they were very snug a couple of weeks ago. They're not stretch denim so I really don't think I'm warping them to my size. I really should've been taking side photo comparisons as well as front photo comparisons, but oh well.

Wish all my upper body exercisings involving my arms would actually, you know, doooo something about my flabby arms, but alas.

And that's really about it. 😄

I'm so excited to be leaving my perpetual state of limbo!

I feel like a real person again. It's so good.

Until next time,

Thank you for stopping by 🙃

 

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_{All images in this post courtesy of me, @kaelci}