This is my educated guess:

I've heard the stories.

^{And I'm sure you have as well.}

It's all over the news.

People are being trampled and gummed to death by some kind of toothless carnivore with antlers.

It's not just any kind of toothless carnivore with antlers though. It's an Ohdeer.

Scientists said these things don't exist but I know a guy who works at the gas station who got like 80's and 90's in science class every year until he quit school in grade ten; he said he saw one and he's sure of it.

So I says to him I says, "I'll believe you if you let me drink one of those bottles of whiskey over there."

He said he'd give me two bottles and a vibrating foot massage spa thing with bubbles if I'd spend some time hearing him out and drawing what he saw.

That was a good deal.

^{Normally I can't even get a cigarette out of the guy.}

So, yeah. After I beat him up and drove his truck into a slough, because everyone knows I'm not supposed to drink the whiskey, I went over there again the next day to ask him, "What the hell happened last night?"

He started telling me about how some asshole broke into his store, bottled him over the head, smeared macaroni salad all over the walls in the men's room, and stole his truck.

I couldn't believe it. Then he showed me that picture of the Ohdeer up there and I was all like, "What the fuck? Did I draw that?"

He insists I did and said, "That's exactly what an Ohdeer looks like."

So now...

^{I make sure to lock my doors at night.}

That thing is out there somewhere roaming around and eating campers, farmers, and random passersby. I haven't seen Joe in a few weeks and that's probably why.

So anyway; carry plenty of bear spray and make sure the gun is loaded because that thing looks fast. If you see one, don't run; play dead. Just let it kick you around and smell you until it gets bored. I don't really know if that's good advice but that's probably what I'd do and I'm an expert in this field.

Stay safe out there.
^{Good luck.}

Have a nice day.