hope for the best while planning for the worst

in anxiety •  4 months ago  (edited)

I was unusually on edge while teaching today. I decided the best way to handle things was to be honest and briefly explain that I was feeling unsure how I felt about my roommate that had just moved.

Not wanting to get into details of how D scored highest on the creep-o-meter and was en route to my home to retrieve his mail that I put under the doormat, I instead explained that listening to life is like listening to how we practice music: we want to be sensitive to details and figure out how to choose our expression. Dissonance gives us pause and cadences shows us patterns.

I was not happy with my listening of my now former roommate but I was hoping for the best while planning for the worst. He came across out of tune to what I am used to listening to. My hope for my students is that they not only play well but also listen well; toward their life and their music.

We got on with the piano lesson. I was present to concern and compassion throughout the day from family that called earlier, students and their families during my teaching time, and friends who texted in the later part of the day to check on me before bedtime.

The concert of good will toward me is taming the anxiety I’m feeling. Instead of being hijacked by emotion, I am able to compose myself and plan for the worst while hoping for the best.

Mom: “I will have a refill of holy water for you when you next visit.”

L: “Some people are terrible about boundaries but they are not necessarily terrible people.”

N: “If God is your refuge, no evil will conquer you. His angels protect you wherever you go.”

S: “I think your roommate’s just a dude making really stupid decisions.”

N: “God is clearing out the old and negative (and messy) to make room for the new.”

I hope to feel at ease soon. Feeling anxious is exhausting and I’m low on holy water.


Post 220

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