I'm a Murderer!

Now the story I'm about to relate to you happened just a week ago; but for some reason, I had forgotten all about it. And whether or not it was important I was aware of what any of it truly mean't at the time — is not important. All that matters now, is that I feel compelled more than ever, to share this experience with you.

It is a rather simple one really. A true life encounter that ended with death and reflection. Pay attention if you will, for in this simple true life tale of mine, there just might be a thing or two for you to learn in there.

Doubtless...doubtless was I. For several hours I had been lost in slumber; dreaming many plentiful spontaneous dreams, I can scarcely even remember now. Alas, the fact remains that if I hadn't been such a terrible deep sleeper, perhaps I would've been able to notice the moment that vile insect fell from wall and crawled upon bed.

Scruffle... scruffle - scruffle

Those where the sounds I made as I felt something slowly crawling from beneath my pajamas. However, I was much too wary to give it any other thought. And so, I simply just ignored the feeling.

Sniff... Sniff Sniff — Sniffies

And those were the regretful sounds my nose made the moment I felt like I was going to sneeze. Without a doubt, something was irritating my nostrils and whatever it was, felt dry, small, hairy, and very persistent!

Then, after what I reckon was a whole minute of such undesired irritation, I just couldn't withstand the sensation any more! Quickly, I reached for my face with a tired hand and once I realized what it was that sat upon my face, I screamed in terror:

Ahhhhhhhh Cockroachhhhhhh!!!!

Argh... of every other possible living creature it could've been, why a disgusting, disease filled, demon infested cockroach?

Oh, just the thought of how that cockroach must've been frolicking along my body and face whilst I slumbered, still gives me the jibbies till this very day!

What the fuck? How this Cockroach get in here?

I thought.

And holy shit! The nerve of it to even dare climb a human's bed? Insane!

What? ... What?!!

I spoke now to the cockroach which was gently perched against the wall; frantically waving my one good flip flop at the intruder, as I continued to address it:

What ? What huh?....What'd you got huh? ..... Ain't you afraid of me bro? Ain't you afraid of this flesh huh?.... You better fuck off man or I'mma mess you up right here!... I mean it man! You know I will!

These I said and more! But it wasn't until the cockroach suddenly took flight, that I finally lost all that shallow confidence.

Shit!!!! It's a flying one!!!

Straight I ran to my door but not until I was able to swiftly create a small latch on the window, in hopes that the little creature would politely excuse itself. Or at least, that was what I had hoped.*

For two hours — TWO PAINFULLY ANNOYING HOURS — I remained outside my room in the hallway, occasionally peeping back into the room to check if the cockroach had finally left or not. Frankly, I was consumed with as much fear for the flying devil as I was consumed with the fear(the embarrassment) that would be asking my roommates for assistance to kill a common insect.

Time passed and so did my hopes of returning back inside the room that night. Ahh...I was as much tired as I was frustrated.

Ha! Oh yes! At some point, I even recall starting up a conversation with the little vermin:

Yo... why are you doing this to me man?

And every single time I spoke a word to it, the cockroach would instinctively fly to another position in the room. Which I believed meant two things: 1.) That was its way of showing that it was truly listening to what I was saying or 2.) It's cruel way of taunting me.

Time passed even more now and I had finally had enough. No amount of fear was worth not sleeping! And so with a flip flop in one hand and a muted battle cry, I charged into the room.

Naturally, the cockroach tried countering my attack by intuitively, flying towards my face in hopes of scaring me back out into the hallway but oh... what a foolish mistaken that was for with a might as powerful as the God of Thunder Thor, I smited it a heavy blow with my trusty flip flop and consequentially, it dropped to the floor — broken but not dead.

And as I approached the body of my falling enemy to finally put it outta of its misery, I couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for it.

Ahh...

I sighed. It was a feeling I didn't quite understand. I mean this was an insect i had been plotting a gruesome downfall, but now that I finally had the opportunity to put it out... I got cold feet. I felt bad, maybe even a little guilty for taking a life.

Ahh... it just didn't feel quite right.

However, the deed needed to be done. And so one last time... one last time... I looked upon my falling enemy and with a low muffled voice, I uttered just a few words before taking its life:

Well old friend, I regret to do this now but you have left me no choice. You encroached on my space and now I'm afraid, i must end you.

I'm not entirely sure what kind of of Karma we shared in our past, but I'm glad it's been resolved now. Farwell...

SPLAT