Trust is really fickle
I had an emotional meltdown last night after doing something I told myself I wouldn’t do but I got temporarily curious and gave into my curiosity. Safe to say that I should have listened to better judgement in my head but I was able to gather information about a situation that I had hoped I had a better grasp of.
Normally, I’m not an emotional person, I put in a lot of effort to be logical and handle my emotions logically. I don’t vent unnecessarily or take any action until after 12 to 24 hours of the event, this way the cloud of my emotions should have dissipated and my mind could be clear enough to make an informed decision.
However, last night, I let myself feel so overwhelmed and betrayed that I decided to vent to a friend who’s naturally more emotional than I am. Thankfully, she wasn’t online in the heat of my meltdown so when she responded, I was at a point where I could think clearly and make my own decisions.
As expected, my friend’s advice was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted empathy and logical advice to be patient, wait things out and talk about the situation with the person involved. The situation wasn’t a nice one but I needed a clear-headed solution because I’m not big on reacting. I’m more of an underreactor than an overreactor.
Trust is a fickle entity and once it’s lost it takes a lot to gain it back. I acted irrationally last night because I’ve lost trust in a person I had high hopes for. A person who talked a big game but didn’t live up to it. It was really painful but I can’t lash out because that’s not how I am or how I want to be.
Being the bigger person is hardly ever easy but I’ve managed to uphold that for a very long while. Sometimes, I let my emotions get the best of me but I always bounce back to logic and fix my problems in the best possible way.