I love being self-aware
I’ve spent a lot of time working on my mind. As a person who spends a lot of time with her thoughts, I’ve often harboured negative thoughts that have turned into negative actions. Those are my worst moments.
I pay a lot of attention to how my emotions position the thoughts that form in my head. Emotions like jealousy and envy lead me to have thoughts of comparing myself to others and trying to change when I don’t mentally see myself matching up.
It’s a constant struggle and most times it springs up in the most irrelevant ways. For instance, a few days ago a friend of mine told me she had landed a new job and genuinely, I am happy for her, however, I immediately remembered I had told myself I’d start job hunting and went over to LinkedIn to start searching.
Someone beside me noticed how I switched from being happy for my friend to job searching and told me it wasn’t exactly a good look and honestly, I think I agree. The thought that sprung up in my head shouldn’t have been about searching for a job, it almost made me seem competitive.
I’ve found myself competing a lot with other people recently and being unsatisfied with myself in the process. It’s a mixture of self-pity and jealousy. I know these emotions all too well so I tend to detect them quickly.
I’ll be doing a mental exercise moving forward to help me stop it. I’ve done it before so I guess I just have to be consistent enough so these negative emotions don’t force me to take any further negative actions.
I love being self-aware. I don’t like being wrong or having to apologise for performing wrong actions so I try to always act right. It’s a constant mental battle that I always win. As always, it starts with admitting that the problem exists.