Dealing with anxiety
I’m a very anxious person. And just like my mom, I care so much about people that I become anxious by proxy. It’s one of my least favourite inherited qualities. I worry so much even when things are basically okay. I only hope that my worries don’t begin to have health implications like my mom’s have on her.
My mom is the most compassionate person I know. She feels so much and shows too much of her emotions all the time. When she’s happy she’s loud and when she’s sad she cries. She wears her emotions on her sleeves and gets hurt often but covers it up with her face of indifference.
I, on the other hand, have an incredible amount of emotional control. However, I have extreme anxiety. I haven’t experienced what it’s like to not have anything, however, I have an idea and it’s not a reality I’m ready to deal with.
On the other hand, I have a partner who’s chill. He has fairytale-like dreams of the future, works hard enough in the present and worries less about the things that are out of his control. So, as long as his conditions at the moment are satisfactory and comfortable, he doesn’t mind just living and working until he can live his fairytale.
Our difference often forces us to have disagreements. I’m one to ignore my current comfort and be troubled by future discomfort while he enjoys his current comfort and tries to figure out a way out of future discomforts. So he’s in a state of semi-rest while I’m constantly in a state of worry.
Our differences often force me to see things from his point of view and while I understand that most times he’s right, I can’t help but fall back on my default personality. I was raised to think 2 or 3 steps ahead. I can’t see beyond the next 2 or 3 months and if they seem scary, then I’m bothered.
It doesn’t matter whether I’m okay right now, if I don’t have a solution for these few months ahead then I can’t rest. However, when these scary months arrive, I find myself getting by without any problems while I look ahead again and find something new to worry about.
It’s a constant rollercoaster that I honestly get tired of. However, it keeps me going. It keeps my mind working and makes me always search for solutions. While on the one hand, I seem to always be living in trouble, on the other hand, I’m also living in numerous solutions.
I know I can’t predict the future. However, I can do everything I can to ensure that I give myself a soft landing at every single point.
I can relate to you. It's hard to change your mind but it is possible ( to change the neuropathways in your brain ). I am 41 and I am still working on it daily. I know I can become a happier and healthier person and - although I try to be kind to myself - I w0n't settle for less than Vincent 2.0
Not sure if this is helpful for you but I am looking into mind body work ( also because of - aside from anxiety and depression - I am, and have been, dealing with a lot of physical health issues ( that might not seem major to the outside world but sure have impacted me for many, many years, if not decades on an almost daily basis ).
This is a website I discovered days ago that might interest you ( too ): https://unlearnyourpain.com/
Take care. Big hug!
Thank you for the recommendation. I'm learning to realise that we never truly have it all figured out at any point. The goal is to always be aware, stay happy and keep trying.
True, life is all about figuring things out and growing/ evolving. It's what makes it a lot of fun, once you realize this.
Big hug!
I can pretty much relate on that one and it's something I experience once in a while. But one thing that I've been incorporating to myself is just being kinder and not being so hard on myself. Hope you can find your conclusion and eventually finding more kinder approach to your anxiety.
I'm pretty sure I will. Thank you for your kind words.