26 in view

It's a few hours to my 26th birthday. I can't say I had dreams about this age, but I sure as hell didn't see all of life's rollercoasters coming my way.

I remember 4 years ago when I was rounding up with the National Youth Service Program and I was sure I wouldn't live past that year. Nothing life-threatening happened, I just couldn't see a future for my life beyond that moment.

It was a strange feeling for me at the time because I've always been the girl with the plans but when life throws you into the deep without prior notice I guess it's normal to feel lost. It feels good to reminisce on those moments.

I've come a very long way in such a short period. As always, I'm grateful. I'm not where my 18-year-old self thought I'd be but I'm at a point where my 22-year-old self would be proud of me. I've achieved things that she was scared of dreaming of and I've barely even scratched the surface.

I always build up excitement for my birthday up until a few days to the day and I become numb. I have no desire to do anything, go anywhere or get anything. I'm simply curious and anticipating the end of the day.

Unlike last year, I decided to spend this year's birthday at my parents' home. Although it has not been the most conducive environment for my work, I get enough space to think and focus on myself completely. I also get to enjoy the day without obligations.

I also feel like this might be the last birthday I'll be spending with them for a very long while. I often get emotional when I think about how I and all my siblings don't live with them anymore and how bored they probably get all the time so I try to come home to remind them that they still have kids.

I'm pleased with myself this year and I'm only hopeful that next year comes with much more decipherable emotions for me.