Mirror mirror on the wall: Expectation vs Reality

Ever since I was little, I always wondered where I would be at the age of 20 and older.

image by me

Back then I had my life already planned out, I was overly optimistic.
I thought I would be out of the university, get a six figure job, get married and have kids. I thought I would accomplish all these at least before the age of 30.
I looked at my reflection on the mirror and said to myself, we can do this.

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Over the years as I am maturing, reality is gradually hitting me.
I now realize It is easier said than done.
Not that one cannot accomplish these plans, I guess the world has its way of guiding you towards accomplishment as well as teaching you a few lessons to part with.
Of course great things never comes easy - this information I had no idea of as a little girl.

I don’t blame my younger self as at that time I had little to no idea of how life really works.
I eat without knowing how the food on my table is made, demand for items having absolutely no idea how the money to get them are made and so on.
I was privileged as everything was provided for by my parents and life was pretty easy.
I looked at life as a piece of cake and felt I could achieve anything.

Entering university is actually an eye opener in my case. I would believe this is the first stage of life hitting me, where I am now in control.

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Yes I might still be under my parents but I am by myself, literally.
This is the stage I leave home to a place school where there is not one single family member. Here I cook myself, I shop for myself, I wash my clothes, I make decisions on my own etc. you know those things our parents took care of while we were younger. Realizing all these now, I say to myself damn I am really growing up.
It is a good thing as well, now I am adjusting towards coping and surviving on my own without always being dependent on my parents or anyone.

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Approaching adulthood is pretty terrifying. I was casually scrolling through tiktok some days ago when I encountered a video. It was about the fear of time. I reflected on what I just watched and I realized I am infact Chronophobic.
I find myself having anxiety about time passing and how much I don’t want to grow up so fast. What scares me the most about this is the fact that I have absolutely no control over time. Although before watching the tiktok video, I had no idea the fear of time was even a thing. Well it is what it is.

I know I am still at the genesis of embracing adulthood but I will tell you now, I am over it already. To the adults out there with multiple responsibilities and are also trying to take care of themselves as well, I applaud you. You are incredible and I hope everything works in your favor.

By just trying to balance school, friends, relationship, self care and every other thing life throws at me, I am exhausted motivated.
Especially seeing people being where you want to be and you are still at your starting point. Well I teach myself not to get intimidated by what I see, this is because I believe everyone started from somewhere and worked towards getting to where they are now and I know I can do the same. Hence my avi - “MY PEACE, MY PATH, MY PACE”.
Well I hope know it gets better before I completely lose it try harder.

Thank you for reading and have a lovely day. 🤗