I’m ready to be “famous”

A few friends may remember my rather detailed explanations about why I hated the idea of fame and never wanted to be famous. Believe it or not, it was (mostly) never about jealousy, you can read about it here : Getting over my fear of becoming famous

Things sure have changed, and I owe so much of it to this blog and my activities surrounding it. My ideas about life and myself have somehow changed and at the same time have stayed the same.

I am, by no means, aiming for notoriety, but at this point I’m looking to make use of any tools I can get my hands on in order to build and support new kinds of community and to enjoy my time on this earth. I realize that attention gives you a kind of power that allows you to get stuff done, and so I think I’m finally ready to wield it.

I never wanted to be a leader, but after so many years struggling to be equals, I realized that many of my best equals were not ready to be equals. Some are still insecure and don’t share their voice freely, others are too angry and reckless with what they say. Some simply lack the imagination, while others cling too tightly to a particular “ism” or idea.

I am not saying I’m perfect! Oh no! But I can detach with my ego easily enough to avoid constantly shooting myself in the foot or knocking others down. The ego is not a bad thing, it just needs to know it’s place. The ego is just cloths to be worn for comfort and more practical social interactions (arguably 😂).

So I realize that as a teacher or a coach (which is also my “profession”) I can guide people to be ready to hold their own power, to no longer need to be leaders or followers, and to just follow their own intuition and inspiration.

So if being a leader means leading people towards being equals, well...I guess sign me up.

I enjoy guiding people to people towards confidence and focus, helping them find their purpose and their voice. I like speaking like I know what I’m talking about because I’ve done the work and so I know that it’s possible to be who you want to be and can design a plan towards getting there. I know what it takes to grow and can help contextualize the process so it doesn’t just feel painful. I like helping people get excited about growing and creating, even when it’s not easy.

I enjoy one on one sessions, writing and even making vlogs. I love sharing art that may help people along the way too.

I’m never thought I’d enjoy the process of recording myself and putting it out there, then trying to share it with as many people as possible, but it o be honest I like it. I’m happy when you listen to what I have to say and I like it when you follow my youtube. I hope it can guide the right people to Hive to build with us.

The vlogs I make are essentially just practice for talking about topics that I like talking about, being able to channel really helpful advice for people without taking notes or planning. I feel myself becoming a more capable teacher when I make them. Each time I talk about a subject, I get better at it. So even if I don’t get views, I don’t feel too upset about it.

I’ve taken a break from music and fiction but I’d like to get back to it soon and share the creative process and the passion behind it without hiding anything.

Looking back, a lot of the fear came from not trusting myself with power. I thought that holding power would lead me to want to take advantage of it. While there are some cases where that may be true, just for convenience, I still feel no desire to dominate a anyone or coerce them against their own judgement. I have enough faith in the message and vision that I share that I see no need for that, and I’m very aware of how destructive it can be. By using power to dominate, I’d be fighting against the very same ideas that I try to spread.

I still want to be equals.

But if you are not ready, I’ll carry the torch and push you along when you ask for it.

Perhaps age has put me in my place. I imagine younger or less experience people looking for answers and I realize that there are situations where I can do more for others through a speech, lecture or performance than a one on one conversation. I realize that some don’t know how to teach themselves and that a teacher doesn’t have to make a student rely on them. I can easily insist that they are capable of finding the answers themselves, and giving them hints where to look without encouraging them to be reliant on me, the way many teachers do. I can also admit when I don’t know anything, and be a student as readily as I am a teacher.

Just because many others don’t act responsibly with power doesn’t mean that I will. I like the challenge of keeping my own ego in check.

This is just a natural progression of self-empowerment. At some point you become empowered enough to help guide others towards their own empowerment. Some make the mistake of trying to force others or so the work for them. I can understand the difference and so I see no more reason to be scared of wielding a little more power.

There was also a fear of becoming a target, as people with power often do, but I am a good judge of character and I am capable of assessing situations well enough, so a little extra care and effort to make allies and follow my intuition and I should be ok.

I mentioned privacy being a concern, but I’ve realized that it matters less and less how famous you are, all of us are losing our privacy, so this shouldn’t stop me from shining.

I also mention a fear of being spread thin, but like privacy, all of us are being spread thin with all the different mediums of communication and distractions, so more attention NBC only encourages us to pay more attention to where we put our energy.

I said that power dynamics were my biggest reason for not wanting to deal with having power and attention. When you look like an “alpha” other people want to compete with you or leech off you and it can be rather unpleasant. Now I can see that the alternative is to not matter, to be irrelevant and have no influence over the conversation. Being a respected member of your community means being able to represent it. It doesn’t mean you have to have a monopoly on representing it, but you must be able to represent it when no one else does or when it seems you are most qualified.

And as far as fears about being a “sell out”....I’m over it! Standing for what you believe in and earning a living from what you say are not mutually exclusive, and you can prioritize the message and honesty and still do well for yourself. Most compromise on authenticity. It doesn’t mean I have to.

At this point, I realize that I can lead sometimes, that I’m rather good at it. It doesn’t mean it’s an end goal for me. The end goal for me is to find a harmonious balance where we are equals and can work towards the same goals together, and help each other out along the way. When you need help, I’ll step up. If I need help, I hope you can step up.

It’s no longer really about me. It also doesn’t really matter if I’m famous or well known or just a fly on the wall.

The only thing I need to worry about with regards to me is “is it fun?” And “where does it lead?” That’s it.

I am excited to see how I grow over the next year or so. I hope you are too 😉