Mom Guilt: How To Split In 10 To Do It All || Mom Life

As you guys know by now (if you have ever read me) I'm a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) that works in Hive full time, now this to a normal person may sound so easy, but I have all the time in the world to spend with my kid and do nothing at all or to spend on Hive all day, and well those who may think that are completely WRONG.

Being a stay-at-home mom means I have time for nothing, I sometimes feel like if I would have a job outside the house, I would have more time.

My day

Since my kid started school, I thought oh well, I would have more time now, since he will be out of the house for at least 4 hours (he goes to class from 7 am to 11.30 am) but oh the reality is I just spend my day feeling more tired and sleepy than before.

In the mornings…

I wake up at 5.30 am to make breakfast for both the kid and the baby daddy (who is in charge of waking and dressing the kid) and for me obviously, this usually takes me 1 hour to get done I always cook from scratch so… pancakes, empanadas, sandwiches, arepas and try to always make them something different to eat.

They are out of the house at 6.30 am give or take a few minutes, cause the school is not that close to our house and he has to be there by 7 o’clock or they won’t let him in.

After they are gone, I sit to eat my breakfast, and I will be honest this is the moment I do take my time to just enjoy and scroll through social media, I would say I spend 1-hour eating also I like to eat slowly so I just do it, when I finish is usually 7.30 am maybe / sometimes 8 am. And then I get to cleaning.

When I cook I like to go cleaning as I go, that way at the end there isn’t a big mess to pick up, so after I eat my breakfast there is usually not such a big mess to pick up in the kitchen but still I have to wash the dishes and put all the stuff in their place, then off to the bedroom I go, I don't know how baby daddy and baby make such a mess in so little time, but I need to do the bed and pick up the dirty clothes (PJs) they took out.

The downside to a big house

After this I usually clean the floors of the rooms and whole house, I just can’t live in a dirty house I don't feel comfortable, sweeping and mopping and this is a big house 3 bedrooms & 2 bathrooms (4 and 3 but I don't do my mothers-in-law), hallways, a kitchen, a laundry room, the living room and the diner. And this is when you realize a big house may sound fun but when it comes to keeping it clean not so much! I have to do the laundry and bathrooms too (tho this is not daily).

When I finish cleaning is probably 9 am to 9.30 am, now this is when I take a shower, cause when I have to be ready in case I have to go pick up the kid, that usually if we don't have the car working, I usually do, if the car is working then the dad picks him up but he may get stuck in a meeting at work so I have to be ready just in case.

Hive time

After my shower is when I take some time to actually sit on the PC, for the previous hours, I do some messages check a quick tour through all the important discord servers I'm in and check all my notifications, and do a small check of my feed from Hive in my phone.

Now if I were a normal person, I would just make a post in the 1 hour I have before going to pick up my kid (I need to leave the house by 10.30 am so I can be at school on time for when he comes out of class). But the reality is I procrastinate, like that is my job, my passion, and all I can and know how to do.

I can sit there and just go through my feed, read on posts, the communities feed I like and manage to curate some posts, the endless gossip I see on the blockchain (I live for the gossip), and open canva to try and start working on my cover image for any post I may want to make, you have to know all this I do it with a mobile data connection that sucks big time and won't let me browse through any of this quickly, so when is finally 10.30 and I have to go pick the kid up, I have done NOTHING other than reading.

Noon time…

I go pick the kid up from school and we take the bus back, may do some small grocery shopping on our way home and when we get home I try to put the kid to sleep he wakes up too early and if he doesn't sleep at noon then he spends all day like a maniac, this is when I spend the most time feeling like I'm wasting time, why? Because my baby still breastfeeds and this means that for me to put him to sleep I have to lay with him in bed and give him some boob time, as a small kid he is, fights to the death with naps time, and we usually take up to 1hour to getting him to actually fall asleep and don't come at me with “well maybe he just doesn't want to sleep” I know my kid he needs this sleep in order not to act crazy during the rest of the day.

Now after he falls asleep, this is when I may fall asleep while making him sleep, it doesn't happen often but when it happens I feel like I wasted more time if I don't this is when I finally start making lunch LMAO. Don't judge me!

If I do fall asleep then I wake up feeling guilty.

Now what this post was about… The Guilt!

Usually, If the kid doesn't fall asleep, I have to cook lunch while he as the little leach that he is, walks round behind me asking me to play with him, I know I shouldn’t feel guilty cause I'm actually making food to keep him alive, but! I remember back when I was little how my mom never had time to spend with me playing cause she was too busy in the kitchen or cleaning the house, and I don't want my kid to feel like this. after we eat lunch, I usually want to come to sit on the computer and fight with my internet connection to do some work either curating content or making it and here is where the guilt comes back.

I call my kid a little leach cause he just wants to be stuck to my boobs all the time, and he can not see me sitting down cause he will start “mom boobies please” and I would just say baby mom has to work, but he will start again and again, and I give up cause I feel bad about denying him, if is not boob time what he wants, then he wants to play, cause even tho he has a tablet and a TV all for himself, and a bunch of toys in his room, he can not play alone, he wants me to play with him and to pay attention to him all the time, and I feel sooooooooo bad when I tell him I can’t, I start to wonder am I the worse mom in the world? or what if for not paying him enough attention he would grow up resenting me or something like that? so I cant take the pressure and give up and will go play with him, now you may think well just add a few hours of this to your routine and after you can work, yeah that is not how he works, he wants to play all afternoon and just 1 hour won’t be enough.

Also, he is in football practice when we have a car so, I have to take to his practice from 4 pm to 6 pm every day and there go another 2 hours of my day.

After we get home, I start getting dinner ready and after we eat, I would just start the preparations to put him to bed here the dad helps he would bathe him and make sure his tooths are brushed while I get all his school clothes and lunch box ready for next day like filling his water bottle and his juice or adding his cookies to the box, everything so, the next morning all I have to do is cook the breakfast.

The kid is finally in bed and fighting again against sleep by 8 to 9 pm it would usually take I'm another hour to completely fall asleep. So, I will be free to start my work on Hive again from 10 to 11 pm.

Night owl

I have always preferred night to day, I actually used to work the night shift on the company where I met my boyfriend and baby daddy, I'm just not a morning person, also taking into account the fact that my internet connection sucks BIG TIME during the day and is more decent by night, working nights is usually best for me.

But!!!!!! Since I woke up at 5.30 am, my head and eyes by this time won’t be at is best, I try so hard to be my usual night owl self but omg I struggle so much!!! Is hard I feel like I can’t anymore.

The last idea that occurred to me was to just stay awake until I had to make breakfast and just go to sleep after the kid and the dad goes, that way I could just work all night and then sleep during the morning, WORSE IDEA EVER!

It turns out baby daddy couldn’t pick up the kid that day from school so I couldn’t sleep all morning I had to be up and get ready and so I just had 4 hours of sleep to later deal with a 3-year-old. Yeah, I do NOT RECOMMEND it.

I spend all day like a zombie and yes even after a quick nap in the afternoon I couldn't function properly it was horrible and i don't think i would be doing that again.

Monetary guilt

Now here is the thing if I pay too much attention to the kid I'm fine and neglect the working aspect I feel guilty that I won't have as much money as I should to be able to afford all that he needs, his dad supplies us with food so we got that cover but his school, insurance and small things like going to a park or buying him a toy I cover, and well if I don't work we won't have enough money to do that and here comes the guilt again of not being good enough of a mom to be able to afford all that my kid my want.

Wonders will this ever stop?

The guilt and the irrational fear of something bad happening to him are something that I have felt since the day I found out he was in my belly, I wonder will it ever stop?

If you have any suggestions to balance work and mom life while staying at home do let me know!!!

As always, thank you for reading me, would love to read about your own experience on this, so please leave a comment or better yet, make a post in The Motherhood Community.

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