I thought I lost him

One of the things that a mother fears the most is losing her child from her sight. And I didn't expect this to happen to me today.

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6 a.m., I took my son to his school. after he entered the gate, I stood for almost twenty minutes to watch if he would come out of their school. Call me paranoid mom, but I'd really prefer to see my child go to their classrooms before I go home.

And when I got back to our house, I couldn't sleep because I chose to focus on the homeroom meeting about the Nipah Virus and my editing of my thesis paper. Actually, I was scheduled to leave this morning to take care of the validation of our thesis survey at the other campus of my university. The journey to get there takes a few hours because of traffic, so I didn't go with my group mates. Maybe this is the sign for me not to leave.

Around 12:30 p.m., I left our house to pick up my son from school. It was only a few minutes away so I was able to buy some of his snacks. The grocery store is also right across from their school, so I'm complacent that I won't be late picking up my son. At around 12:50 p.m., I was at the gate of my son's school and was just waiting for him to come out. But because it was raining, there was a little problem picking up the children. The two gates of the school were opened and the parents were let in. What became a challenge for me was finding my little boy because the students came out at the same time and there was a mix of students from grade 1 to grade 6 who came out.

I got nervous after waiting for a few minutes because my co-parent told me that my son's blockmates had come out, but I didn't even see his shadow to come out!

That's when I started to be worried too much. I asked some of his classmates to help me find him. Some children looked at the clinic, canteen, and some also returned to their classroom to check him. But just a few minutes later, they came back to me to say that my son was not in those areas. The air is very hot but it's like someone showered me a bucket of ice cubes. I went back to the waiting shed, guard house and school quadrangle several times but I couldn't even find his bag.

There was also a child who told me that my son came out just a few minutes after their dismissal time. He said that my son already came out, but one of their classmates said that the boy who was with my son had already returned home. I felt more dizzy from what I heard from the children. I don't know where to find my son because if I leave my place he might go there and see that I'm not there. My hands are shaking and I don't know who or where to look for him at school. A few minutes later, I called my mother to say that my son was missing. Because of my nervousness, my mother and I couldn't understand each other during the call, so I just continued searching.
Later my mother chatted on messenger.

"Search the Library, he might be there". my mom's chat.
When I read this, I immediately informed the guard and the Parent Association President that I was going to check my son to the building. And because the tone of my voice was rising, due to frustration, they just agreed. Actually they don't want parents to go up to the school building depending on if there is concern about the child. But this time, they didn't do anything but allow me because they know that they also have failed when it comes to guidelines for picking up some children to school.

Going back to the search of my son, when I went up to the second floor, I first checked the closed classrooms to see if my child got locked or what. I breathlessly looked at each classroom and peeked to see if there were any children inside them. But all the adjacent classrooms are quiet. Just for a few moments I saw an open classroom, this is what they refer to as the Library on the second floor. And there I saw my little son, standing and still enjoying himself while playing the chessboard.

The first thing I said to him was, "What time is it? Don't you have any plans to go home?" And then, he grabbed his bag and suitcase and hurried out of the Library. I cried while preaching to him. But my son is only young and is still exploring his childhood so I gave hugs. My annoyance is so visible but I don't want him to think that what he did was wrong because totally, it's not. It's not his fault that he didn't have a watch and he missed the time. For me, I understood what he did, he went to the library to mingle with the children. At least he didn't go with other people and didn't go out of the school gate either. While we were going home, I didn't stop preaching him about what to do if he didn't see me in the waiting shed. I always remind him that he is not allowed to go with strangers even if they are his classmates. But I realized that maybe I am missing something. I think my words are not enough to get him fearful. This time, I learned to trust my instinct and also have trust in my own son.

Today, I realized so many shortcomings in my son. There are so many things that can happen to our children that we really need to pay attention to them and always talk to them. To be honest, I always talk to him. He even considers me a best friend. It's just that, there are so many things that we don't immediately expect to happen. No parent wants to lose sight of their children. And no matter what we do as a parent, we do not control our children's minds; we are just shapers and teachers of right and wrong.

I hope that this will not happen to my son again, because honestly, such events are traumatizing, especially nowadays when so many children are missing in our city. May God always guide us, especially my son.

Thank you for reading this blog 💞💞