Coffee for The Devil

A lonely station at midnight, there was the wicked witch on the verge of a rage attack, she hates unpunctuality, she has been waiting for this day for a long time, her master, Satan himself, will appoint, in a special ceremony, his new team and she is nominated to become the first assistant, she did a lot of evil to be a candidate for such a distinction.

Almost three hours later the werewolf appears, the witch, who cut her own skin more than 10 times out of desperation, when she saw him approaching said: I forgot that punctuality is not one of your qualities, this long wait made me understand that someone like you is not a strategic or logical choice to be the great chosen one!

The Werewolf replied: Don't sing victory witch, I have my tricks and also my informants, I regret to tell you that the ceremony could be a masterpiece of deception to crown Jack, the zombie, as the first assistant!

Witch burst out laughing: You've got to be kidding me, what are his merits?, did it appear in The Walking Dead?, a song by The Cranberries?, or maybe... Plants vs. Zombies?, that game is like a kindergarten coloring book, Jack has less attitudes than you.

Werewolf: Well, Jack has an Onlyfans account and I dare you to guess who is subscribed with a clandestine profile.

Witch: Shut up, I don't believe you!

Werewolf: Bingo, repeat out loud what you're thinking. Yes, that's right, the king of darkness and his lust that knows no bounds.

Witch: But Jack, how disgusting, hypothetically let's say I believe you, what about us?

Werewolf: We could team up to get rid of that nasty zombie....

— Ok, just so you can see I don't mean to trick you, I'll let you in on a secret, I know how to brew our king's favorite coffee!

— Take snail saliva, caterpillar skin and bat blood, we'll take a vase of this formula as an offering and I'll tell him it's from us!

Witch: Okay. And how do you think our king will present himself for the ceremony? According to you he might adopt the image of some of the souls he has bought; Cher, Marilyn Manson, Lady GaGa, Meryl Streep, do you know anyone else?

Werewolf: Meryl Streep sold her soul?

Witch: Surprising, isn't it?, I read it in the illuminati forum of the great allies, apparently it was since she made "Death Becomes Her", remember?, that movie where, with one shot, she opens a huge hole in Goldie Hawn's stomach!

Werewolf: Hahaha, you amaze me, no wonder every year she gets a nomination for best actress at the Oscar awards, what a level of ambition, she's not a hair of a fool!

The witch and the werewolf continued talking on the road to hell, when they arrived at the great hall of the ceremony, a curtain was dropped and they saw how Jack, the zombie, was already seated to the right of the devil at the banquet table.

Both tried to excuse themselves, but the devil took the floor: Don't waste your time justifying yourselves to the all-knowing one, sit down, you are welcome!

The witch and the werewolf handed the devil the coffee offering and sat down next to the couple.

Devil: And tell me, what did you do with the funds delegated to each aspirant to grow the great legion of hell's children?, I want to hear something really clever, as the horror movies of the last 5 years seem like cranky parodies.

— Ummm... At least this coffee is delicious!

At that moment the witch understood that the werewolf was on her side.

Witch: My lord, all the money collected from binding potions, eternal curses and princes turned into toads, was invested in the trap music industry!

Devil: And how does that help us?

Witch: Well, it is a hypnotic music with sexually explicit language, which stimulates the lower instincts, casual relationships and cause unplanned pregnancies, future young people poorly raised without parental care, that's where all the wolves of the werewolf will be attentive, handing out candy, disguised as grandmothers, they will wash brains and so we will have more followers.

— This proposal is made in alliance with the werewolf!

Devil: It's not a bad idea, but it's a long term project and I want immediate results, and... for being late you were not present to listen to Jack's proposals, which are far superior, for that and for his punctuality, he will be promoted to first assistant.

The dismayed witch glared at the werewolf and on impulse ran out of the room.

Minutes later the werewolf approached her and said: I heard that the devil will overlook your act of rebellion in the name of the offered coffee!

Witch: Oh, what a relief, you know what?, we must teach that immoral and disloyal zombie to play fair.

Werewolf: With time I have learned that such relationships are destroyed from the inside, like Yoko Ono with The Beatles.

Witch: Hahaha, how crazy you are!

Werewolf: What can I tell you, on a full moon I can think of anything, what are you going to do tonight?

Witch: Tell me your plan!

Werewolf: Look, a coffee liqueur that I stole from the devil's showcase, let's go for a walk at night and conspire against that traitor zombie.

Witch: All right, this is war, whoever is afraid to die, don't be born.