LOH CONTEST #83 - THE MOST DEVASTATING EVEN AND INSIGHTFUL TIME IN YOUR LIFE.
Good morning all Ladies in Ladies of Hive Community!
To join Ladies of Hive Community Contest #83 this week. I would love to pick up the question 1 and 2 to enter this challenge.
The question 1: What was the most devastating event in your life? Express your feelings and how you coped.
Up till now, my life went through the ups and downs of the family tragedy. This drama finally came to an end after 15 years. A lot of mentally violences happened with my mom and I when I was a little kid, so that I could not forget and was obsessive with it for a long long time. The worst moment happened in my life is the day my dad hit me a lot and had in his mind to kill me deliberately.
My broken necklace represents my fragmental soul - taken by me.
My father was a gambler, he sold all the properties in the house, from TV, motorbikes,… and land then went away for a while. It was a sunny day in 2010, he came back home with a moneyless condition. He threated my mom and my oldest brother because he wanted to sell the rest of land for gambling but my mom and brother were against that thing. He even threated my brother by holding a scissors and having an intention to penetrate my brother’s neck. I and my mom were so panic that we promptly prevent my dad doing this.
My greatest mom who always beared my dad's spirit violences - Image is taken by me.
At noon, when my brother and mom left home for her business. Just there is only me staying at home with dad. He went wild with me in a sudden.
He held a piece of wood and hit my arm 2 3 times. Even it was so hard, I did not resist because I thought he just wanted to warn me. But it was not as similar as I expected. The next hit, he aimed to my head. In a second of thinking, I probably knew that if I did not raise my hand to stop a blow, I could be died immediately.
When he knew that his hit does not success, he grabbed my body and took me go inside to punish more at all costs. He and I have pulled about each other in some minutes before he decided to go inside the kitchen and took a knife to stab me. Well, what would I need to do in that situation when my brain was frozen. I could not run, I could not hide, all the things I know that I will stand here and wait for him. My mind thought about an life-and-death with my dad.
At that moment, my neighborhood who was watching the whole details opened her door, took my hand quickly to get her home. She locked the door then called for my mom going back soon to take care of me. My leg bled and left a scar till now.
After that even happened, I lived in a perpectual fear of being hit by my dad and a lot of negative thoughts, a terrible feeling of facing with him. I started being taciturn and bored with life. And from that, I had a long-standing feud with him…
I looked alike the cat who holding the fish but fish nothing - Image is taken by me.
I know using the negative thought and hatred to cope with my fears will give the bad result for my mental, but at that time, I had no choice. I made friend with those thoughts, turned it into my motivation to be alive, to survive with the catastrophic present. I started habouring the hatred and hiding him as much as I can. Day by day, the feeling of grudge was big enough to predominate over the fear, I was more stronger to live with that hurt normally. Visually, I am apparently quite normal but inside me, I am so pathetic.
Question 2: Experiencing the most insightful time in your life, was it complicated or a sudden moment in realization? Explain what happened, and how elated you felt.
This is me leaving all the past behind - Image is taken by me.
I have to say that via that shocked even (as I told in the first question), I have been through a series of bad emotions. I did not meet or keep in touch with my dad over 8 years. He knew that I hate him and got a deep freud with what he did to me. I even thought that I cannot forgive him from what he had done to me. Things do not act as I thought one more time after my lonely journey in Myanmar.
Since when I do not know, I liked to forgive what he had done to me and my family in the past, I have a more relaxed attitude to him, I start talking with him a bit and my soul are free from that burdens. That process is still a mystery to me because I have no idea when it starts and ends. I fancy that changing in my mind is a self-healing of mine.
When the soul is healed completely, it looks like a lovely pot of green saplings - Image is taken by me.
In a sudden of observation, I realize the existence of it gently and intensely. I am truly grateful for the bad things and good things came to me during that time. No one can heal your pain truly except only you and your inner-self, that is what I perceived till now.
Do not deny yourself - Image is taken by me.
Before saying goodbye, I want to give a big thank to @ladiesofhive and @joanstewart for hosting this contest as usual ^^ and all Ladies who always listen and share emotions to my stories. I also want to invite @goodysam and @ahleap to share your stories and join with me in this contest. And I hope two of my friends will be comfortable with my tag.
Love you all! ^^