RE: “I’m not sick!” My neighbor screamed, as they dragged her into the van
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I would have felt uncomfortable and in doubt as well. I have personally been on the other side, not the side where a relative wanted me to get admitted, but a loco partner that had bad intentions. When he hit me I screamed for help as I was scared, but he only did it when no neighbors were home. Looking back, he probably planned it this way because all the neighbors told me when I went to empty the house, that I should have told them they had no idea.
That's when I told myself that if in doubt about a similar situation in the future, I should at least offer my help to the neighbor when I would hear them scream for help. Maybe not on the spot, but maybe the next day. I know this can get out of hand real quick, and it makes no sense to put yourself in danger either as you don't know them.
It does feel bad witnessing this though, my mother has had these moments where she didnt take her meds and they came to get her as she was "a danger to herself and others" sometimes it was valid, other times it wasn't and all just a big puppet show if you ask me. I heard that one time she was put in a jail cell 2 days in her bathrobe where the cops didnt even bother to pick up some underwear and clothes when they took her, and didn't call me until 2 days later at 9 pm. That kind of stuff makes me fuming. Totally inhumane if you ask me. She was ill, and didn't need to be treated like a criminal, they took her from her home, so there was plenty option to take some stuff if someone is found half naked. But they didn't.
I hope your neighbor is ok..
Wow, you’ve been through a lot. Thank you for sharing it with me. It’s hard to understand this situation from the outside, and so it’s important for people to talk about these kinds of things.
I try to believe someone who claims to be a victim but if there are serious consequences for someone being accused I have to step back and try to get both sides of the story…but obviously if someone did something terrible, their side will be unreliable.
The best solution is prevention, changing the culture so that more people would stop themselves from hurting others and leave relationships that get volatile. Also having more places for people to go if they feel threatened. I think friends and family are much preferable to institutions, and I think neighbors could be another support system, but institutions can still be helpful for the extreme situations where people become violent or erratic and prove without a doubt that they are dangerous to others.
I hope to give people confidence so they’d never stay with someone who could treat them so poorly, but obviously financial reliance or threats can keep people where they are. That’s where community can help, having somewhere to stay if things get out of hand.
I was dating someone who was a little dangerous for a while, she was a textbook example of borderline personality disorder. I wouldn’t say she need help, I would say she needs to face her own trauma and stop projecting it to others, but I also wouldn’t want to see her locked up because she hasn’t really done any physics harm to others even if she inflicted a lot of emotional attacks on me.
Very very complicated stuff! Thank you for reaching out, and I hope you always give yourself the love you deserve! Hope I didn’t say anything hurtful or offensive here, it’s very tricky to see all perspectives
Sorry, got very busy yesterday. Opened Hive today, saw your new post and realized I didn't comment back.. No offense taken, if in any case, your view on something is different than mine, I can't blame anyone for that as I have experienced some heavy things that made me see the world differently, while before these events I felt the same as most others.
This is an important part, I had to go to "battle" with someone like that, while I had no intentions of even going to battle but settling things as normal human beings (even after his violence towards me). He was on a warpath and I could only deal with it, while at the same time he was telling lies to everyone around me. It's hard because at some point, I do believe that people start to question the victim thanks to those lies as well. Tough situation because if you're not close to the abuser, they have no reason to be mean or dangerous to outsiders, making them see a totally different person (read: the person the victim once fell for).
That must have been a challenge (understatement maybe). Those situations can be difficult indeed as they often seem to get misdiagnosed OR get e treatment that's actually meant for criminals (locking them up) while actually, they are waiting for the help they need. Sadly this seems to be very common nowadays.. :(
You're welcome, I've read more of your posts but sometimes get distracted and forget to respond. I will try to do better :)
I haven't done for many years (love I deserve) but the past years have changed me a lot, and the thing I'm most proud of is that we (my partner and I) have managed to crawl up from where we were on our own strength in a foreign country, now doing better than before the horrible events started in our lives..
I am glad you are out of that relationship, I really feel for you.
It is really sad when people do something bad and then they feel they need to double down in order to defend themselves for doing something bad instead of admitting that they've done wrong.
Yeah, it was definitely a low point in my life. I did not realize how common this kind of thing is, but I've since have strong boundaries that I will not let anyone break. If it's an accident or only words and only once, they may get a pass, but I do not reward any abusive behavior just because it comes with an apology.
It sounds like we are quite similar. My partner and I are also living abroad, and from different countries, and we learned together how to stop accepting abuse and to stop being abusive when we didn't realize we were being abusive. I am glad you are moving up out of that too!
Lol, it makes two of us trust me (actually three of us, because my boyfriend was a friend at the time I was in that relationship, and he was all too happy when I started to see the light). It's just so freaking weird that you wear pink glasses and your boundaries slowly fade..
What I learned, and so did you, so it seems from reading your comment, is to have a very good radar for people with these type of personalities and I will not allow them near my family. There have been a few occasions where work related friends of my boyfriend were invited in our home, and I instantly had radars go off, so didn't want them in our home anymore. At first, it was a bit of a struggle to make him see what I saw, as my radar can go off real early without any other signs to confirm, but I learned to trust that gut feeling as it has never failed me. While on the other hand, I have failed listening to it for years and it cost me a lot.
At least I grew as a person and learned some good life lessons, right? Got to try to see the positive sides to not dwell in misery. And I feel you, honestly I do, I know my strong reactions to triggers from the past ( maybe a word said by my boyfriend was enough to let me go off) have caused me a lot of anger, while in fact I wasn't angry at him, but still processing traumas and triggers. But I do believe if a relationship is strong enough to get through that, you can make anything work!
Where are you both from if I may ask? :) if that's too private, please just don't answer :)
Not too private for discord. I'm from the US. I can talk more about her off chain ;-) discord: whatamIdoing#4716