Control Your Mind! Control Your Life!
I don't even know where to begin with this.
Why are we so easily controlled by something that we have total control over? Why do we so easily let go of who we are to turn into someone we don't know at all?
It can all change in the blink of an eye and more than often we don't even realize the cross over! It just happens!
Most of what I am about to type is directed at myself. I kind of lost my temper today, more than once and I'd like to dig into those feelings a little bit. The reason for this is because I need change in my life and if you can't control your own damned head how are you going to take control of anything else?
It's simply not possible!
The fact that this day turned out so bleak for me is beyond me, given how great it started. I had such high hopes for the week and everything felt great... Until around 11 AM. What happened at 11 AM? Well to be honest thinking back now, just stupid shit... I lost my temper over some job that I couldn't finish up because Bossman dragged me off to another one.
I hate that, I hate starting a job and not being able to finish it before starting the next one. There is nothing more I hate in this world than that! But for what really? Does it really matter at the end of the day?
After all I get my pay check whether a job leaves the shop or not it does not matter or rather it's not supposed to matter.
So why does it affect me so much?
Perhaps A Sense Of Achievement?
I'm going to be blunt here with who ever might be reading.
Most of my life I've been somewhat of a fuckup, especially when I phased into my teen years... Nothing but a low life and a loser that didn't care for anything. Plain and simple, no cut around the corners or read between the lines.
Now for most of my life I've started things and have never seen them through, boy there are so many things that I've left undone and whatever I started with I barely made progress with...
I hated that about myself!
Don't get me wrong this is still an ongoing struggle, it's not something that is just thrown from your back, especially not after having it on your back for so many years. With that said I am so proud of myself for making such progress ALL BY MYSELF!
Don't believe me? Well you don't have to.
I know that I stopped smoking for myself, no one else. No one asked me to stop I just stopped! I stopped going out drinking all night, having a go at the crack pipe and then staying awake for days. No one but me, I got myself off my lazy ass and started doing the things that needed doing! It's an amazing feeling to say the least! Because no one pulled me over or pushed me into something, I got up and changed myself!
The best decision I've ever made in my life! My only regret is that I haven't done it earlier in life!
Today I am 28 years old and I've achieved more in the last four years than I have in the first 24 years of my life. Just imagine if I had a full 28 years of pushing and doing what needed to be done! It breaks my heart, but let's leave bygones with bygones.
It must be why I want to take something and finish it! As fast and efficiently as possible!
Referring back to this.
Don't get me wrong this is still an ongoing struggle
I don't mean it in a sense of "I'm still struggling with drinking or doing stuff that you're not supposed to. I mean it in a sense of (How can I put this) getting up in the morning to do the things that you need to do, don't think I jump out of bed all joyous that I have to go to work now. No... I go to work because that is what needs to be done.
The psyche off being consistent is not something gained over night, this is a daily thing! Everyday you wake up you have to tell yourself "I'm going to be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday." You absolutely have to continue pushing yourself and trust me it's going to be HARD! And for some reason it feels like it's getting harder and harder, but with each day we get STRONGER right! So in order for us to become stronger it has to get harder and harder and harder, otherwise you have no room for growth at all.
I'm going to say this again!
The truth is you're not going to!
Listen I'm not saying that you are not allowed to feel angry, sad, frustrated or any of these things. We are after all human and we have flaws but you can be angry and control your anger, you can be sad and still control yourself! Instead of falling into a depression spiral!
In my opinion, when you get angry or sad or depressed it can be a very good thing actually if you know how to use it! You're depressed? Why not turn it into a fuel that will drive you towards something that would give you a sense of achievement! I believe we experience these feelings because it's supposed to drive us out of that hole we find ourselves in. Damn this paragraph is hard to type out in a way that would make sense, to me it feels somewhat confukulated, like I can't get the right words out.
It's really hard to explain, like someone asking me how I stopped smoking. Well I just stopped, I don't know how to explain it to them step by step. Of-course every person will experience change in their lives in a totally DIFFERENT way and how you achieved it will also differ from person to person.
The first step to this is the will to actually do it! You've got to be so fed up with your situation in life to actually want to make a change.