Romantic Or Toxic? Relational Trauma And Self-Sabotage

"If you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you."

If We're Not Healing - We're Sabotaging

In our relational toolbox can be found a handful of destructive coping mechanisms. Projection, rejection of our emotions, repetition compulsion, blame shifting, emotional withdrawal, etc.

Our attachment template is broken - therefore we act from a place of brokeneness. Our romantic relationship then becomes the playground on which we act out our unhealed traumas.

Self-sabotage is the most dangerous confirmation bias in the room - it will validate our every unfounded fear, reject any evidence that could potentially contradict our most deep rooted beliefs about ourselves and others.

Our unresolved wounds are like highly contagious viruses that enter our romantic relationships. The only way to avoid contamination is through the most reliable and safest vaccine there is - healing.

If We're Not Healing - We're Blame Shifting

Our traumas make us perceive our romantic relationship through a distorted lens. The others are always at fault. We justify our way out of everything. We test our partner and push their every buttons to see how much they are able to take.

Different partner, same results. We can change partners all day long, but we can’t change our unhealthy ways of being in love until we acknowledge them. It’s about time we break free from the toxic patterns that hold us back in love and sabotage it.

Romantic relationships are not the place to relive our childhood wounds. Unless we seek therapy, our relationship may well turn into becoming the carbon copy of our parents’ unhealthy marriage.

In our new relational toolbox can be found a handful of healthy tools: emotional regulation, empathetic listening, compassion, self-awareness, healthy boundaries.
Healthy love is only one healing step away.

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