The disease is always fear

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(Edited)

I just got off the phone with my mom. Talks with her can be challenging although they are a different kind of challenge than they used to be.

They used to be challenging because she wanted to change me and could’t accept my way of thinking. Things finally got better when I realize that the enemy was myself, not her. What I mean by that is, everything got better when I was able to remain calm. She realized how controlling and neurotic she was being.

It took a while and she used quite a few mind tricks to make me think that I was wrong or bad in some way but in the end she totally transformed into a more accepting and loving version of herself. She was always loving but her love used to be complicated and full of her own fear and insecurity and now she sees that.

All I had to do was insist on living my way without without letting my fear leading me to argue or fight against her. I had to stay calm and give her time to see things clearly without giving her an opportunity to get overemotional and someone to fight against.

I now try to interact with everyone this way because I think it almost always leads to the best results. I don't think about the worst case scenario and all the bad things that could happen if someone has their way. I think about the consequences of our discussion in that moment, and share my opinion when it's asked without pushing it on someone when it's not asked for, and I end the conversation if it gets too unpleasant or tiring.

Now our conversations are challenging for a different reason. Now she wants to see things from my perspective and fully respects my point of view, but it still clashes with everything around her. She feels I'm the only one she can talk to. I have become her mentor in a way, and it makes sense because she’s very much surrounded by an emotionally unstable society and she’s just starting to realize how reactive and polarized people are.

On the one hand she is trying to remain calm and find truth, but on the other she is coming to terms with the fact that she’s been in denial about a lot of things and still carries a lot of fear. She also finds herself struggling to relate to people as she finds her own peace. She is discovering that inner peace takes work to maintain and there are many things that can kick you off the horse.

Maintaining that peace is exactly my struggle when talking to her. It’s actually a very valuable experience, trying to guide her like this. Not only does it allow us to recreate a relationship without any of the old bullshit, but it helps me realize where I still need to work on myself.

Her mind works a lot like mine, jumping from here to there and making connections, but she doesn’t have confidence in her own intelligence and ability to discern fact and she wants to rely on me to give her peace of mind about what’s really happening in the world now that she has realized that she can’t trust the news.

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I started by trying to explain all the things that seem to be happening that news is not talking about, things that I perceive first hand and then other things I’ve heard with a warning label (it’s just something I read or watched) and things that people don’t notice because they are in a bubble, and all the different theories and potential out there.

I try to be skeptical of all narratives and anti-narratives. I don’t condemn people who believe one thing or another and I let them have their opinions. I was not always like this and so I find myself trying to teach this to her now that she wants to become more like that.

But as the conversation goes on I find myself frustrated and tired because her fear seems to bend and adapt to every single possibility.

That’s when I realize we haven’t spent much energy trying to massage out the core disease in our hearts.

The disease is fear.

All disease is always fear. All problems come from fear. It doesn’t mean fear is bad or that it can’t help us at times, but if we hold on to that fear longer than it serves us, it becomes illness. This is true for a body, a mind or a society.

And so I had to step back from her for a moment and realize that my own fears are popping up.

Our conversation went from disease to vaccines to conspiracy to economy to media and she is struggling to understand as I think most of us are. But I don’t fully understand and I don’t believe anyone who says that they do. Sometimes we just can’t know everything. Sometimes we don’t know what’s right if we are honest with ourselves. We can only give it our best.

And so as I realized that my fears about what I might be forced to do or how a decimated economy might lead me to losing everything I’ve worked for these past few years, or maybe I'll get sick, maybe there is worse to come.... But hold it now, is any of that worth spending energy on? I stopped trying to educate her on my best guesses about who is lying about what and where the world is going and I asked her if we could just try to be ok not knowing, together.

It took us 4 hours but we finally seemed to reach a conclusion that unchecked fear is the cause of all our problems, regardless of who is right and wrong and that we should focus on ourselves and how we feel first and foremost, rather than expecting anyone else to figure it out. Sometimes it means a little more headache for us, but we can't control everything, and that's where acceptance comes in.

I had been in that state of mind all along but I hadn’t realized just how quickly her fear spread to me. It just slipped right back in there, almost unnoticed.

I will be working harder to set up some mental protections through short meditations to clear my busy busy mind. If we all faced our fears instead of trying to do everything in our power to recklessly avoid them, I think we’d all be a lot better off. But that's not my business, I can only focus on myself and the people who want to hear from me, but mostly myself.

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17 comments
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Seems like your mum is experiencing a paradigm shift and I would say that it would be a lot harder for her to get used to this new way of thinking than you did. Afterall, you started early enough to see this world in an emotionally stable point of view.

Whatever the case may be, nobody can truly say that they know it all. There are still a lot of things that are unknown to us. Accepting it that way and choosing to know as much as you can without making it to be inconveniencing is also a good way to approach life.

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That is very true, it is more difficult for her than it was for me. She built a whole life and raised kids with one set of values, only to change them in the later years of her life. I can't imagine. But we make a good team now as long as we learn when to end the conversation lol

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Hahah... You are doing a good job. No doubt about that.

As for Mumcy, it's not too late for her. For a fact, I know that it's always better late than never.

Enjoy having these conversations with her. Haha

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(Edited)

Seems like you have made a lot of progress in this area of your life.
I have a completely different mindset than my parents.

For the most part of our life, whenever we had a conversation, it ended up with the remark that I am quite young and don't understand how the world works.

For the last few years, they have changed a little bit, and seems to be a bit more understanding.

I have matured a bit, and try to understand their point of view too. I am not that short tempered when talking to them.

We kind of agree to disagree with each other's views.

It would be awkward for me to imagine a day when they completely understand my view of life, try to live like that.

I kind of like the things like how they are now😅


Also, didn't got the chance to thank you for this little act of sharing happiness.
Thanks a lot brother.

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(Don't know if the images are working, seems like there is a problem with uploading images. It's a screenshot of the 1hbd you tipped me a few weeks back.)

I don't accept the monetary gifts from anyone. It's the first time that someone on the internet has randomly gifted me something monetary.

So, thanks a lot🙂

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Respect is important, and if it doesn't go both ways, it can never be an honest relationship. I'm glad your parents finally respect you, that's really all we can hope for with our parents. If they love and respect us, they've done right by us. It is a little strange to be guiding my mother around, but I don't mind it. I only wish she could get sleepy earlier. 4 hours is a long time, she does this with eveyrone, not only her kids. She looooves to talk.

No problem man. I like what you bring to Hive, just my way of saying "you are appreciated here"

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things that people don’t notice because they are in a bubble

It's not just that... The people were taught to BELIEVE and TRUST to the government, media, politicians... And when you are exposed to that narrative whole your life, it's hard to change it, and think differently...

A lot of diseases and sicknesses come from fear... Fear is the one that pushes you to the limits and over it... Until you crash, and your system collapse... The obvious example is STRESS that comes from fear...
Thanks for sharing your personal experience that is very similar to many others... But you stepped out and shared it with the world!


I have picked this post on behalf of the @OurPick project and it will be highlighted in the next post!

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I find that most people question privately, but are quick to throw out their questions when they feel it’s socially unacceptable and become too paranoid once they become surrounded by others who question. The desire to belong (and sometimes the opposite, desire to be different) seems to be motivating people more than their beliefs or values sometimes.

I definetly see it improving though, as all we can see more and more clearly where this leads. I find this community incredibly easy to communicate with for example, even when we disagree.

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When I have conversations with people that is challenging and I see that I'm arguing with someone who'd fail to reason things out, I'd just let you think you're right and move on.

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It is indeed a lot of work to protect our inner peace.
It is not worth wasting our energy on negative things and worrying about the,worry won't keep anything away, in fact it could draw it closer.
Lately, I spend more time praying, mediating on scriptures and being by myself.

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I understand. I manage my information intake a whole lot more than I used to and it's helped me a lot. There are some topics which I won't really engage with unless I think it's going to be a real learning experience or something positive

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Wow @selfhelp4trolls. So interesting to share with us about the greatest disease "fear". These has occurred with me and parents. After arguing about a particular thing, they still not believe I had to pave a way for them see before the conclusion. Thank you for putting this wonderful piece. Bless.

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Sometimes they will never understand but we don’t have to fight, we can just calmly insist on living our own way in most situations.

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I just got off the phone with my mom. Talks with her can be challenging although they are a different kind of challenge than they used to be.

This very first line of you post is so relatable. I have the same equation with my mom.

All I had to do was insist on living my way without without letting my fear leading me to argue or fight against her.

And this exactly what I do.

I guess it's the same story everywhere.


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We have to be more adult than our parents, I think that’s the lesso life wants to teach us

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