[WE-199] Their Way of Disciplining is My Worst Nightmare: Caring with an Iron Fist and a Tough Kind of Love.

"I know that parents have their "own" way of disciplining their kids when they act mischievously or commit a sin, but how I wish mom would make it less painful for me when she punishes me." - Young Me

Mommy Flor (Auntie) was not the sweet kind of mother to me before. She's strict and will really use the iron hand when she sees that I did a bad thing as her way of punishing me or disciplining me. Her way is really harsh and painful, but I think she's just doing it to put some good sense on me or for me not to commit the same sin I had committed. But at that time, I couldn't understand her ways yet. I always cry and will curse her in my head, thinking that she doesn't love me.

I remember when I got locked up by her partner (Mommy Merly) on the second floor of our house. Even if I've already cried a river, they still don't open the door, and me, who's really afraid and feels so alone in that room, didn't stop crying. And instead of comforting me, she even threatened me that she would hurt me more if I didn't stop crying. I was just a year old back then.

It's the time when kids love to play and can sometimes make mistakes. But to them, it is a big mistake that I might do again. And as their way of disciplining me, they locked me up in that dark and empty room until it got really dark. And I learned my lesson from then on and never committed the same mistake as I was afraid of that kind of punishment.

And this is not the last punishment I ever experienced because I have had a lot of them. Another one is when I steal some coins to buy food, lol. We have a lot of foods because we have a bakery, and we sell different kinds of bread too. But I'm already sick of them all, I want something else, like salty junk food and not the same bread over and over again. Because I don't have my money, I decided to get a few coins in the cashbox. But what I didn't know is that Mom knew how much money she had stored in that cashbox, from coins to cents to paper bills. So mother discovered it.

And when she did, she interrogated me, and though it was not that much money, she still punished me for it. All I really want is to eat some junk food, but my way of getting it is bad. And that is why I was punished.

And her punishment for me? Lighting up a candle and letting it melt while all the wax coming out of it was directly flowing in my hand. It is one of the most painful punishments I have ever experienced. But I know that it is all my fault, so I deserve it. But in my young mind, I feel like it is way tooooooooo much (≧▽≦).

All I could do was cry that time while also promising to never do it again. It's another traumatizing experience for me, but maybe because I was just a little kid back then, I don't think of it that much. I guess this is the reason why I am stronger, especially when it comes to my mental health. I already experienced the worst before, and it honed me to be this strong. But of course, that also taught me a lot of lessons that time, to never steal money again.

_{Look how fragile I am as a kid ಥ_ಥ, lol.}

Although I'm just her niece, she gets me to my parents with the resolve to take care of me, so making me feel more loved is what I want and need. But I didn't feel that from her. And I know that I really do bad things, but how I wish she made the punishment a little lighter (≧▽≦). This is when I resent her so much that I thought that feeling would stay with me for a long time. But as I grew older, as she did too, our bond became deeper, and I learned to understand her too.

_{Aren't I too cute to get punished? Huhu. Lol (≧▽≦).}

The trauma didn't last long, and I got over it as time passed. But there are times that I can still remember it, and this time, I can just laugh it off. It is maybe a scary and painful experience, but that gives me a lot of lessons too. Mothers have their own ways of disciplining, not all mothers can be as sweet and kind as others.

There are some just like Mom, but I know that they are trying to be good mothers too. They maybe just don't know how. In the end, I am still happily living with my mommy F, and I am now getting all the love that I never felt from her before. And it is so overflowing that I might breakdown if it suddenly stops.