Our children are not for us, we are for them.
A parent from my son's school said the other day that 'kids are an investment'. I agree but not in the same sense. Our child must not be our old age scheme. They are such an investment that we shouldn't expect and ask for any return but respect and love only. If you ask me I would say, the joy of motherhood and parenting I got for my son is enough 'return' for the rest of my life.
In my culture, it's pretty common to live with parents or parents come to live in their son's house in their old age. That's the core reason people believe they must invest in sons so they can prove for them later.
As a parent of a boy child, I somehow feel uncomfortable to think that I would be something extra in my son's life in my old age. I never want that. Yes, I don't know where life would take me. But let me share some reflections on my thoughts...
Kids are not for us, we are for them. Parenting is such a job that we shouldn't ethically ask for anything in return from our kids. I mean, they didn't ask us to bring them to the world.
I'm saying this because here people think that as a parent they own their kids and their life too. I strongly disagree with this. Our child has their own life. They come through us but not from us. As long as we don't get it we will continue to involve unnecessarily in their life. There's a fine line between guiding them and forcing them to make the choices you pick for them, right?
I truly believe that our duty is to build a space for them where they can learn to cultivate their intellect, can build their true sense of themselves. We only can guide them to make their own personality, they must learn to make choices for themselves.
Yes, I'm here to always support my kid if they need anything even after they become adults. But it's a big no for me to carry the baggage of their life.
I know many will disagree with me.
On the other hand, I can never feel peace thinking I will make a burden, even not a burden; an extra thing to care for in my old age to my son's life. I pray that day never comes. Rather I would love to see him enjoy his life and do his things without bothering me.
Life never goes backward, our kids will grow and have their own life. We can give them our thoughts but they will have their own.
We may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow.