Why Do Some Men Have A Problem With High Earning Females?

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I’m genuinely asking here — because it’s never ever been something that comes up on my radar.

Story Time.

I am a heavy play to earn player in crypto gaming. It’s a play to earn game built on a popular blockchain. Those of us that invested early are now reaping the rewards of doing so. One such person is my Asian friend. I doubt she’d appreciate me naming her in this article so for now she will just remain as my friend.

Anyway,

A couple of days ago we were all chatting, and now that she’s earning more than anyone in her family, including the doctors and nurses there, she didn’t seem happy that her life was now going to be a battle. When she finally marries this will be an issue. Especially in her culture, since she lives in a male dominated society.

I’m a curious guy, so I asked my wife whether or not this is a thing in our culture. I didn’t think it was.

You see before we met, my wife used to run her own business and was used to working with businessmen in high flying places, and earned quite a bit of money before she decided to settle down and have kids.

When I met my wife I was just beginning my career, and she was way ahead of me in almost everything; money, job experience, life experience, and so on. I on the other hand has spent my youth being an alcoholic and drug addict and was just getting my life back on track — I often wonder what she saw in me at the time, perhaps it was potential? But one thing is for sure is that she proves that women aren’t in it for the money and resources. There has to be attraction. I was broke and penniless.

Her answer to my question was a resounding Yes. Not many, but some guys that she has dated in the past didn’t like it that she was more intelligent, more skilled, more experienced than them and it was a big turn off for them — and of course her too. Dating that attitude would have sucked.

I’ve never seen my wife as one of those people that are annoying with their intelligence either, you know, those that flaunt their degrees as if it’s the be-all and end-all of everything. She’s always been compassionate, understanding, caring, and on top of everything she was actually the first woman to ever take me remotely serious in my entire life.

I looked up to her in the beginning. I was amazed by, and loved that she had achieved all this. I didn’t see it as a bad thing, but more so an opportunity to learn from her experiences. I loved listening to her, learning from her, and all that good stuff.

But most importantly I see her as my equal now, I think that was a transition that had to be made because if the relationship was unbalanced then it might have been doomed to fail.

To be clear I absolutely do not believe in equality. To me there’s no such thing as equality. But there is a supportive nature in which we can live by. Sort of like a push and pull mechanism — where I support her flaws and she does mine, because I’m not perfect and neither is she.

I personally think women are great at some things, whereas men are great at others, and we should exist to support one another.

That’s not to say that men are different to women. I DO believe that we are more similar to each other than we are dissimilar, but as the staunch individualist that I am I do believe people with different qualities attract each other to fix out some childhood related mess in the past. So in general, more similar than not, but at the individual level — wildly different. My wife for example is in a completely different socio-economic class to me. The experiences that shaped her are going to be completely different to those that shaped me.

Perhaps the indifference to her earnings is the amount of time I’ve spent working with women. In general I’ve been the only man in the workplace for most of my working career. It was normal for me to have bosses that were women, and to be built up (and sometimes broken down) by women.

Or perhaps it’s my soft nature. I’m not one of these men that you see shaving with a chopped down tree trunk like Desperate Dan in the Dandy, and whilst there’s nothing wrong with that in itself, maybe my gentle nature has led me a way that works with and is comfortable being lead by women.

Or, maybe it was growing up in a single parent household. Being lead by my Mum for 19 years has made me comfortable with not caring where in the earning scale a woman is. Who knows?

I’m sure most men out there are of my opinion. I doubt my experiences are isolated.

One thing I DO know is that being a Dad will change you beyond all recognition. I see some dad’s in the dad groups that I’m in quit work and look after the kids so that the women can go away and put into effect their newly earned degrees. Being a dad is ultra rewarding if not tiring.

Or maybe being uncomfortable with her earnings is a youth thing? Takes a man quite a while to become a responsible adult. 18 in my opinion is still a kid. But then it never bothered me as a child either.

Either way, I doubt it’s as big of a problem as is given light. If a woman meets someone that actually has that problem with the imbalance, and it is a problem for the lady — then give them as much attention as my wife would, absolutely zero, and move on with your life.

Again, not everyone enjoys this way of thinking and would much rather be in a relationship where the man earns much more and she becomes a “lady that lunches.” — which is totally fine too.
Like I’ve always said, there is absolutely someone for everyone. Your way of thinking is not everyone's.



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5 comments
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Social norms are extremely powerful. If you’ve never stepped outside or had freedom to create or influence your own culture with people who are like minded they can be overwhelming. It’s still kind of confusing to see this kind of thinking in this day in age because we have so many women in the work force and obviously some of them are very talented. I’d never feel insecure if my partner made more than me or was more successful in some field than I was. In fact it would fuel me with a kind of healthy competitive excitement. I really want my girl to crush it.

I’d just have a problem if she uses her high level of success to try and dominate the relationship and use it as an excuse to not respect my opinion.

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(Edited)

This is the case in a very patriarchal society. On this island where I am, it is hard to find my equal especially that I'm earning the city rate or higher than most regular men here (but only on this island lol). And most of them live paycheck to paycheck and have no savings at all. That can cause a lot of insecurities imho. I once dated someone from this region and I ended sugarmama-hing him lol and I don't want that to happen again...*bad choices. So yeah, this is my reality, at least for now...

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Oh sugarmammaing him - you'll have to tell me about that some day! lol

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Money is funny honey.

Its more similar to water or energy - it must flow!

I believe what you are talking about in this post is more related to the 'attitudes people have about money' than money itself.

Plus there are some tiers here.

Below subsistence, more money solves almost every problem. Above that, money don't buy happiness or almost anything else of value.

No men, I think, have a problem with high earning females, but perhaps they would not consider them to be ideal mates - and why would that be? Perhaps there is some ego related answer here.

My favorite economics professor said to us in class one day 'always marry a women who earns more money than you'. From an economics stand point, it just makes sense!

But if the result is that there will be pressure (or perceived pressure) on your value as a man - yeah I could see avoiding that in a long-term relationship!

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