" Self efficiency " - Thoughts of the Day, September, 2021

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We are in the middle of September, days are shorter and still, we have to finish a lot of work before winter. We always need to prepare ourselves for gloomy dark and cold winter, the winter days are not pleasant at all. We are doing a little renovation in our home, basically fixing old furniture. My dog destroyed many things so far especially cabinets nob and wall surface. We are trying to fix those slowly.

I am not very good at repairing so it is taking so much time than usual. Some things I can't fix so we need a master for those. Morning our washroom cabinet broke down unfortunately so we are trying hard to fix it a little bit to make everything easier but it didn't work at all. So, we are trying to find a master who will help us to fix all the cabinets problem. Besides, I have been busy rearranging home and my work, it was a really rough and busy day...But despite all these issues, I managed to sit down and write the post. The funny fact is I can spend a lot of time writing just one sentence. All I want is to find the right words to describe my feeling from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate that you guys are still with me and support me a lot...

My daily life is not organized anymore, I have been trying to organize the plans but nothing goes according to the plan or schedule. I have been noticing few strange things in my life, my strength, my energy level, and my silence. I used to stick with my plans before but not anymore, I don't know what it is but nowadays I easily give up. It's not like I am losing something, I just don't feel motivated at all. Maybe this is happening because of stress and work pressure, maybe it's normal not to feel demotivated sometimes...


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A few days ago I have ordered some repaired products online and today they came. So before going to work, I decided to collect my parcel asap. I was early, the office didn't open yet. I was waiting with others as well and there was a long queue in front of the office. Many people do online shopping nowadays and I think it's easier to buy something from home.

For example, I was trying to find material for my home, a wall insulator which my dog destroyed and I needed only a small piece. But in the shop, they denied selling such small pieces so I had to order online. Finally, it has arrived today and now I can easily fix my wall.


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I have never done any repair work before so this is going to be challenging. I have to fix the wall insulation of my own and then have to paint it also. This work needs to be done before winter otherwise I have to wait for the next summer. After receiving the parcel, I went to work and honestly my day was not so good there. I mean when you are demotivated, you easily feel annoyed or moody and that's what happened to me today.

So, I left work earlier so that I can come home and sit down. I was feeling demanding too so it was the best idea to relax at home for a while. The weather was sunny in the morning but at noon suddenly became cloudy. I felt like my entire day was ruined and one day is gone from my life...


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I was feeling bored and instantly decided to go out for a walk ignoring the weather condition. I needed it because there was so much going on in my mind and I couldn't tolerate it. I couldn't even concentrate on the small stuff and my mind was not with me.

To begin something new seems scary and sometimes we don't feel comfortable accepting new things. I know that feeling but I also know life is all about accepting challenges. If we don't accept challenges and let ourselves get out from comfort zone, we will never learn. I feel like I fall behind and there are so many things that need to be done.

Honestly, sometimes when I think about life, I feel scared. Sometimes this beautiful life seems scary and when I think about the future I messed up. I start feeling invisible pressure inside me and my inner gut starts questioning myself "what are you gonna do with your life?".

The more days passing, the more I become confused, I don't have a proper answer to give when I think about both the present and future, I give my present priority because without the present how I suppose to build the future right?


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That's all for today, folks...

Until next time... Have a nice day everyone...

Thanks for reading my blog...



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Priyan



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