DIY Rage!

Hello once again DIY friends, I am here today with some DIY rage!!!

So I got myself a bidet attachment for the toilet. I've wanted one for some time, and I finally had the money to do it! I was very happy. I tried to install it today.

This one had good reviews and was not absurdly expensive, so I chose this one! Nothing looked amiss when I opened up the box. And then I tried to follow the instructions.

So I turned off the water supply and flushed the toilet so it wouldn't leak on me. Check. Then I tried to figure out how to take the toilet seat off. That was way more complicated than it needed to be...

I even googled it because I couldn't get the caps on the top to lift up (the part that covers the bolts on the top of the toilet seat). That didn't help, so I want at it from the bottom - and it turns out, that the bolts/nuts that attach my toilet seat to the bowl aren't standard, because NONE of my wrenches fit those nuts. None. I have like two frikkin' sets. What the hell size is this nut and bolt, I do not know. Working at the awkward angle from underneath, with a lip in the way, and a wrench that didn't fit, and discovering along the way that they are threaded backwards (righty is NOT tighty, and lefty is NOT loosey, it's the reverse), it took me about a half an hour to get the f**king seat off. That's not an exaggeration, and there was much cursing about it.

What size are you????

A selection of wrenches that do not fit but are close

So I finally got the seat off, and was like, OKAY, surely that was the hard part and the rest of this shall be smooth sailing! After all, it's not supposed to be a difficult thing to install, right? That was just an unforeseen difficulty with the odd bolt size.

Oh hey, let's clean under where the bolts go while the seat is off, because ew.

Now that that's all clean, let's put the bidet on!

(enter me trying to put it on and the seat on top of it here)

You've got to be kidding me, right?

Nope.

The bolts. Those frikkin' weird bolts. Do not fit. Through the bidet attachment.

WHAT SIZE ARE THOSE FUCKING BOLTS?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Those slits through the round parts are supposed to be what the bolt goes through - the toilet seat sits on top. So it's like: toilet bowl, bidet attachment, toilet seat, with the bolts going through all three. The bolts are too wide to fit through those slits!! WTF!!!

OK I get that a lot of this hassle is because apparently my landlord chose the weirdest ass toilet seat in creation, but OTOH how did the bidet maker not figure that seats come in different sizes and maybe the bolts would be in different sizes too?? Isn't there like a range of possibilities here?

I even dug out my collection of hardware, and NO, I do NOT have two bots and nuts that would fit. So either I need to find something that will at the hardware store (but if I get a smaller bolt, will the seat slide around on the bowl?), or I need to return the bidet.

So yeah, I re-attached the toilet seat and turned the water back on. I had to pee. I might go to the hardware store another day...

I am full of DIY rage!