Please Take a Moment to read These Instructions

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(Edited)

Now that you're finished reading those instructions, I'd like to take a few moments to talk about other things.

Some of the other things will include stuff such as:

1) What it's really like because
2) How it might have happened the other time
3) Where am I going with this thing
4) Why is this thing so heavy all of a sudden

But we'll get to that, later.  Before we get started building that cabinet, you'll need to direct your Google search to:

Where in the fuck did all these come from

And open it to page one.

There you will find several questions that have nothing to do with cabinets that I too am seeing, for the first time.  So maybe don't do that.

Instead let's switch gears for a moment and start thinking about that cabinet.

However, this is the point of the lesson where you're to just sit there and think:
Google:  Why?

Why, Google?  Why?


Now let me tell you why.

Sometimes, you can't think of anything to think about; and don't feel like making pictures or taking pictures or even listening to anybody because they will end up looking, like this:

NoNamesLeftToUse - Wonderful Horses.png

And/Or

...like that.

Since those times can exist but you still want to do something productive, it might be a good time sometime to let the device in your ass pocket do the thinking, while you find the something else to do that should have been done a long time ago, like building that cabinet.

Less work; no mess; and it still looks like you're busy doing something about that cabinet.

All it takes is just some random, incomprehensible, thoughts.  Even a baby can do that shit.

Before you know it but only after you try, new ideas for things to do about that cabinet will begin sprouting out of the screen, like this:


NoNamesLeftToUse - Looking Back.jpeg

Some hands from out of nowhere, too:

All that happens and you're all like...


NoNamesLeftToUse - Wow cover.png

That's right!  There are ideas; everywhere.  And they'd like to offer you a hand in the thinking department so you can use your hands for other things, like building that cabinet.  Isn't this exciting!

Warning:  Not all ideas are good ideas.  This might not be a good idea.  When using someone else's brain to do your thinking for you, proceed with caution.  You'll never know when or how it happened but at some point an idea so powerful will lead you down, the wrong hole.  And we all know what happens when you stick all your time into, the wrong hole.  Don't say I didn't warn you and don't pretend you didn't like it.

Here, are just a few, of the ideas, I managed to pull, out of my ass, like magic.

Did you remember to bring your thinking caps?

Earlier I mentioned four key details.  Here they are again:

1) What it's really like because
2) How it might have happened the other time
3) Where am I going with this thing
4) Why is this thing so heavy all of a sudden

I hope you're not paying much attention to those because they will not be of any use to you, later.

Now, since ass pocket devices and the power of every mind that lies within can control your thoughts within seconds, then proceed to force you into oncoming traffic because you shouldn't be building cabinets while driving:

Is it wise to crash into the first thing you see?


NoNamesLeftToUse - No.png

That's right!  It would be asinine to do some dumb fuckery shit like that I mean, look at all the flames!  Use the brakes and settle your ass down, gently.

The ideas you'll pull out of your ass can't be converted into pure magic clumps of decency and the potential of rewards like a snazzy new cabinet at the end if you simply get lazy, always going for the easy targets, instead of digging for the good stuff.

And remember to always save your cabinet building research for a safe space like an office when your boss isn't around, or in front of the family when you need to look too busy to be doing chores right now.

Okay

Bear with me here.  Nobody move.  Nobody gets hurt.  I'm about halfway through figuring out what I'm trying to explain here, then we'll move on to more advanced cabinetry.


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Let's recap what you've learned so far:
1) Why Google?  Why?
2) This tutorial has a llama.
3) Wow!
4) No.
Take a moment now to go back to This Tutorial if you're unclear about something pertaining to cabinets and the events which have unfurled before you.

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Part 1

Since Google provides many optional ideas one might not be able to think about on their own and all at once, spells are used when building cabinets.

In the previous warm up sessions, you were shown something twice and then told to not pay attention to it.  Were you paying attention?  I hope so.  In the wrong hands, this sort of power has the potential to scramble the cabinetmaker's brains on site.  Never attempt these spells until someone else has done it for you or at least lived trying.

Watch what happens when I try the first spell (but please realize, I only do this now to save your life someday so you can go on to build awesome cabinets):

what it's really like because


Screenshot (734).png

As you can clearly see, without even thinking, I've managed to contact the spirit of Luther Vandross and he wants us to know he feels better now.

Thanks Luther, for showing up today.  This isn't even weird.

Part 2

Now that Luther Vandross is busy tickling your earbuds with excitement and the audacity to be so cool with a name like that, it's time to continue on down this road of magical thought meanderings twisting and surprising around every corner of cabinetry.

For the second spell today you'll discover eight words that all chain together to barely form a question that might be asked by someone on meth mumbling in the stall beside you at the mall public toilet facilities location next to the food court, as you do your best to be quiet and think about that cabinet.

how it might have happened the other time

image.png

This was an easy one!

In this example the cabinetmaker does not even need to click the link to find out more, because according to the headline, they already clicked, and know all about it, plus the cabinet's done.

Some of the more intelligent students will notice how, understanding they were finished reading This Tutorial before they even started, becomes much simpler now, and that's all thanks to that wonderful information.

Results like this are highly sought after due to their time saving abilities and predictive behavioral patterns.  And you already caught them all.


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Part 3

Now, before saying the magic words and casting the third spell, be prepared to have your cabinet doors blown off.

These words have never been spoken before in this way.  Beware.  Results may vary, resulting in various results:

where am I going with this thing


Screenshot (736).png

Now, I can't say I'm familiar with the name Dusty Springfield. I will say it does sound like an episode of The Simpsons, but nothing like a cabinet.

Son of a Preacher Man is a hit of hers I think we've all heard at some point when one of our friends gets drunk and invites us over to build cabinets.  Set that part aside for later.

Apparently she might be lost and doesn't want us to forget about her but it's a good thing, so luckily this all happened today as a reminder to get back to work on that cabinet.

That's interesting:  Some simpleminded sleuthing later and I've discovered the connection.  Only the most excellent of all can form connections out of nothing.  This is truly an historic moment.

Warning:  Dual casting results from spells do not always connect with all brands of cabinet.  Remember to just make it look like you meant to do that if it works.


Screenshot (737).png

As you can clearly see, the great Luther Vandross and the forever beautiful Dusty Springfield both sang the famous song, A House Is Not a Home; especially without nice cabinets.

You can't make this shit up.


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Part 4

The final part of what's to be said to see what happens is in store.

By now, I mean, you should be certain you're dealing with some sorcerous forces, demanding Ford Taurus drivers drive Porches, with thesauruses, be around to reinforce us, like, getting the assistance from Chuck Norris' sources, before we're all the corpses kind of sorcerous forces.

why is this thing so heavy all of a sudden


Screenshot (739).png

This is a bad idea and has nothing to do with cabinets.

Ending it on a period is one way to end a sentence; but no way to end a tutorial about cabinets.

This somehow looks like the wrong hole to be going down and you can clearly see how this ends if we were to go ahead and actually use this idea right now and under these circumstances.

In cabinet building:

Not all ideas are good ideas.


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Conclusion

By now your cabinet should look like this:

image.png
source

We do hope these instructions were helpful, guiding you directly towards the beauty that is, your new cabinet, now, and forever.

Taking great pride in our cabinets since 1909 has a been a policy drilled into our heads since the first day we stepped foot on the jobsite.  We're not even allowed to say they suck and that's why we worked through all this over time to provide you, the proud owner of this wonderful new cabinet, the choice of three tutorials for your building pleasure:

(a) Words with Pictures
(b) Coloring Book
(c) I'll Just Google It

You've selected C, I'll Just Google It, and since that's the case, by now you should only be familiar with:

  • Using Google.
  • Being distracted by Google.
  • Not really getting much done.

With that you should have everything you need to finish building the cabinet of your dreams, all by yourself, without help from anyone except for this wonderful cabinet tutorial and your friend,

Ajob Welldone

Enjoy your new cabinet.

Credits:
Some art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
Actual screenshots of Google, created by me, with the push of a button.
Cool picture of a cabinet linked to a source that leads to an actual cabinet.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png

"Picked 5 thoughtless prompts, put them into Google, and made a cabinet tutorial."

© 2021 @NoNamesLeftToUse.



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172 comments
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Damn, this shit gets deeper!

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(Edited)

That's what you get for stepping there.

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I have never been able to stop myself. I blame my nanny

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That's nothing a little Luther Vandross can't fix.

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How little does he have to be? I was not aware he came in different sizes

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(Edited)

You look like a medium Luther Vandross.

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Yup. I feel like a medium Vandross

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Order a Medium Vandross from the bar.

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Hard to get served with no pants

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Not at this cabinet store. Pants optional.

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Then I've found my ideal cabinet store!

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I knew you would like it here!

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Sometimes I just need an extra push

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We are all the son's of preacher men. So endeth the lesson. Except not.

Dont think I didn't spot the hidden message, the real hidden message. Thats right. The illuminating sigil...

So now, and truly now there is no hiding. I would like to unmask the fact that the producer of these entirely separate works of art is in fact the one and the same person!

Ha! Exposed!

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You weren't supposed to tell!

It's just one flaw. It's not going to stop someone from building a really good cabinet. And where did you get that nice font?

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It is a nice font. I found it lying about in some cabinet that some muhfunker built. Thats what I do see, I take other peoples cabinets and I just open em up and have at the insides. Like a vegan carnivore or something

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(Edited)

So you're a doorman? I take pride in my hinges and I think you'd really enjoy taking my doors for a swirl one day.

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Guess that makes you a swinger

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(Edited)

No sir. I'm just a modest cabinetmaker trying to earn an honest living.

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I've kicked a few doors right in. Thats right sistaz.

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That's why they call you, "The Plow".... ?

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I think you meant The Wow...

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Oh my god! You're the Plow Wow?!?!

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I don't like to boast but yes

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That's awesome!

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Awesome.

seven letters. ah yes. I think we are breaking the code behind the world construct itself!

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And there it is. Another ancient mystery about my cabinet, solved in this post.

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How many ancient mysteries can one man's cabinet hold is one of the ancient mysteries of the world

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If You Are On A Lookout For A Way To Earn Your First Dollar Online You Can Stop Searching! Start Now With This Award Winning Program And Receive Your First Paycheck Within A Week!

Find out more here>>>>>>>> https://bit.ly/3vc4R40

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(Edited)

     
It looks like this comment contains a shortened URL (https://bit.ly/3vc4R40). @nonameslefttouse always check the preview of these type of links as sometimes they can hide phishing websites. Here is my preview of the domain so you can decide whether you consider it safe: .

 
PS. !SCAM https://money.net-online.news

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(Edited)

Could you minimize/shrink this message for this particular instance, please.

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Skeletons in the cabinet being unearthed!

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You two really need to stop poking around my cabinets.

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Stop saying the word seven!

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Ah, another jocular jaunt through another's thoughts. Your posts always put a smile on my face!

It's like reading Douglas Adams, only actually relevant, since no space ships ever stopped to pick me up while I was hitchhiking.

I didn't actually learn much about cabinet making, but only because I've already built that particular cabinet. I'll keep my fingers crossed for more advanced cabinet making tutorials in the future.

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Wow! From one expert cabinet maker to another I'd just like to say thanks for showing up here today and letting everyone see how united us cabinet builders have become over the years. This is our year!

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To have it suggested in the subtext that I may be an expert cabinet maker, well, gee... I guess I don't know what to say!

Every year is a good year for a man with sturdy cabinets!

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(Edited)

I have no clue what the hell is happening in The Cabinet. There's all kinds of songs about cabinets. That's another wrong hole for the handbook.

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I have no clue either, the video doesn't want to play for me unless I go to YouTube's website. I told YouTube I would go if they gave me 15,000 pesos worth of free Premium. I'm awaiting their reply, will report on hole observations pending approval.

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I was wondering where the other half of my Bigfoot Glue got shipped off to.

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OK - Ajob Welldone?

0_a_screeno2.jpg

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For me, making cabinets will never feel like work. I'd become part of the sawdust if that happened and never even want to write tutorials about cabinets anymore. But I'm not going to go down like that. No good cabinet maker takes a dive.

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I like riddles, this publication is a good riddle, you write it in a way that really one as a reader wants to continue reading.

Obviously I did not understand the riddle I am not Batman, but I have some theories, I really liked this publication, it is like those movies that mean many things and nothing at the same time

It was fun, nice to greet you friend, I'm going to keep trying to decipher this riddle for sure it will take time

God bless you

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Obviously I did not understand the riddle I am not Batman

I don't think even Batman could build this cabinet.

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¿W00T? a cabinet without a door lock nor keys in plain 21st century with so much BTC, Satoshis, Altcoins, Shitcoins and all that malarkey for safekeeping? No way!!

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You better not be here to start complaining about my cabinets again.

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Without a door lock, your crapinet is defective batman!!

Catman

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If you have a problem with your cabinet or would like to return your cabinet, call Batman, cuz I don't give a fuck. All cabinet sales are final.

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Ok, I will send them both. To Catman & Batwoman to return your crapinet to your office and demand you an immediate refund.

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(Edited)

In order to receive a refund, you will be asked to complete this skill testing question, Batman:

Which part of 'All cabinet sales are final' do you not understand?
a) all
b) cabinet
c) sales
d) are
e) final
f) All of the above.

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(Edited)

erm... ahem... I guarantee you that you forgot to add the option:

g) none

to that skill testing questionnaire. Mrs. Bruce Wayne.

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Hey. I don't write the tests. If you have a complaint about the tests, I'll need you to go stand in that other line.

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Okey dokey. But first, let me complain about why the fuck you don't write the tests.

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I'm not paid to listen, sir.

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There is an awful lot going on in that brain of yours mister nonameslefttouse. That amazingly unfettered and unfiltered stream of thoughts flowing from your mind. haha!!

I was telling @nuthman not long ago about how when I was a teenager a boy at school was in love with me and kept making me Luther Vandross mix tapes because he thought it was romantic. I had no idea who the hell he was at the time. When I played the music I was like 'wtf is this??!?' This post brought back strange memories. Thanks again!!!

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bahahahahahah... Amanda, is that the same guy who threw up on you when he tried to kiss you?

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Yep, he got super drunk and kept trying to kiss me. Then he burped in my face, and when I backed up he spewed. Not a good day.

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Once I start building cabinets, I don't stop building cabinets until the cabinets are done.

And there's nothing quite like building cabinets with some Luther Vandross playing in the background. Building cabinets is a labor of love.

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The important thing is that you enjoy your craft. Even if you listen to Luther while doing it.

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I have too many things on my shelf... not a cabinet, but it's getting lots of weight and thinking it may crumble if I don't start to take some load off it. For I'm a weaver of ideas, and I am master starting to work on them... but I have now many books with no ending... thick humongous huge volumes just waiting for a resolution and a conclusion yet my perfectionism halts some of my ideas. Working on this
or should I ask why google why?

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It doesn't hurt to ask google but I'm sure my cabinets will be enough to hold your infinitely unfinished wisdom.

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lol, I see... well I think my dusty shelves have also lots of things to be discovered, even rediscovered by myself... things I forgot and need to be "unleashed"

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There's some cabinet duster spray in a can, two aisles down, to the left, at the end, near the top, on the right, next to the cabinets.

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But that might kill the dust bunnies! and the cobwebs spiders built so diligently... I've always been a careful person... I'll retrieve them with gentleness. No chemicals ;-)
pd. this is the moment the conversation gets a bit surreal but hope you're reading between lines

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LOL

dude that was some mind fuck right there.

In fact am so fucked the amount of beer i just had was wasted because now am sober as fuck.

I thank you!

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I'm not sure what this has to do with cabinets. Are you sure you're sober?

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I think I am?

He is pissed arse blind. Hence the time lag in reply. Passed out right after commenting. On the kitchen floor, again.

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At least you didn't break the cabinets.

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Sounds like a cabinet challenge!!

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Are you challenging me to a cabinet?

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(Edited)

Starts to wrap a cabinet in cloth and tries to lift it so he can slap someone in the cheek with it, fails and ends up under it instead

Oof!

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You're doing it wrong.

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(Edited)

Hmm maybe like this?

00ee10d540f88072844d1a7c5e2d449b.gif

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I can list ten things you did wrong but there's no point. It's too late for that now.

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Lol, classic response laughing out loud by myself looking like an idiot reading that response.

Thanks.

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If I ever met you in real life I owe you shout in the pub.

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Hahahaha 🤣🤣. Fuck!
@nonameslefttouse, this is some genius shit!
You're simply someone on meth mumbling in the stall beside ME at the mall public toilet facilities location next to the food court, I just want to ram a cabinet into your head😂😂

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Most good cabinet makers have solid problem solving skills. Please refrain from violence in my shop though or I'll use your bones for handles and pull slides.

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🤣🤣🤣
You surely can't do that anytime soon after your meth mumbling head has just been rammed with a solid newly made cabinet.

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You may feel confident with your cabinet building skills after successfully completing a course like this but I don't recommend using your cabinets outside of their natural abilities to just sit there and hold stuff. Swinging them around in the air may result in personal injury leading up to and/or death. Don't say I didn't told you so.

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Of what good is a cabinet if you can't ram it into the head of a mumbling meth-filled gentleman by the store?

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Use a sign for that! They grow out of the ground and they're everywhere! Why destroy a perfectly fine cabinet! You must be another one of these goddamn Anti-Cabinets out fighting the war on drugs again!

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🤣🤣🤣
Correction: I'm fighting the war on mumbling. Next, cabinets should be free to live their best lives and function to the best of their potential. I say give them the chance to be rammed into someone's forehead. Quite a dangerous lifestyle to let these cabinets live but I'm pro not anti cabinets, I'm letting them live young wild and free.

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(Edited)

So you're saying the cabinets should be set free?

And somehow that's supposed to make sense?

If you're fighting the war on mumbling, which side are you on?

These are just normal cabinets, sir. They don't swoop in from outer space to save the day.

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Setting them free would at least make more sense than limiting them to the boring life of their 'natural abilities'.

On the war on mumbling, I'm on the side of peace, which fortunately, can only be achieved by running a cabinet into the mumbler's head.

As for swooping in to save the day, take it from me that you never know what a cabinet allowed the freedom of living it's best life can do.

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(Edited)

Dude. You're high.

I thought you knew, but apparently you don't. You're in a cabinet store right now. These are only regular cabinets. I'm just the guy that works here. The cabinets can't be free, because they cost money. There's no war on mumbling.

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😂😅
Guess I should take my ambitions elsewhere, then.

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(Edited)

The store across the street sells tires but they might have some magic cabinets. Tell them I sent you and ask for The Long Stand.

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I read that, and then I read the comments, and then decided I was absolutely cerebral enough for this next level stuff and tried to figure out if there was a way I could blame the alcohol for my lack.

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Thanks to these instructions, I'm now (beyond) an expert cabinet-maker. I'm a cabinet-god. I thought I wrote the best beginner tutorial on crypto ever yesterday... sigh. If only I'd read this first, I could've done a much better job.

I guess I'll go find Dusty Springfield to hear about her upcoming period (which has already happened), assuming she doesn't cast a spell on me as I approach.

:)

On another note: What app/tool do you use to create your art?

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(Edited)

When it comes to cabinet tutorials, we here a Sofa King Nice Furniture take great pride in our lessons, but there's no way in hell you're cabinet-god. You need to work here for at least twenty years before you can even qualify to sit in that chair. Dale will kill you if he sees you sitting in his chair.

On a serious note. Krita. It's just like building cabinets for me.

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lol, rofl, lmao.

Alright, I don't want to face Dale's wrath, hehe.

Cool, thanks! I'll check Krita out!

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I think my brain isn't ready for cabinet tutorials yet.

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Hmmm. Maybe shading an Ass Face or drawing a clown would be more suited to your skill level.

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Oh yes, the clown seems totally do-able, and with that, I mean creatable.

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Yeah, it's better to start out with clowns. Going straight to screwing is never wise. Some cabinet screws and the screwdrivers needed are actually harder than they look.

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"Part II" Tutorial saves me lot of time. I had soo much to do. Youknow working like building cabinets and so on... Now I can just sit and relax knowing it's already happened. Everything is all soo nice and clear now. ............................................
...........................
........
...
.
But what about the past? Isn't it the oposite of the future? 😕If I hadn't been sitting and relaxing and in the meantime also thinking, I wouldn't have been getting confused. Honestly, it was all soo clear while reading your post, all soo easy, but now I'm completely lost. Do I still have soo much to do? Have I alredy eaten my breakfast, but on the otherside why am I still so hungry?

WHYYYYYYY AM I SOO CONFUSED?

Is it your post doing the oposite?

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You're only confused because you were finished writing your comment before you finished writing you comment. The past needs to catch up instead of lingering behind. And to be honest, I don't really know how this time machine works. I just step into the cabinet, then come out, and like magic, it's at least a few minutes later.

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Good thing I wrote a comment, because I already forgot what to write before i wrote it.

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That number two combo really comes in handy.
NoNamesLeftToUse - That Glowing Thing is Back.jpeg

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I have to slow down a bit, you know REGENERATE. I just told my wife everything is finished before I started. You should see her look. I mean she doesnt beat me physically, but who knows, maybe she did and I don't know it yet.

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Doesn't matter. The bruises are already healed up and ready for more. Might as well just sit back and finish something else while you're at it.

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No more future writing today, instead I'm watching a movie. Might have aready seen it, but I will watch it anyway. I used your part I tutorial asking Google for a relaxing movie. It suggested "Final Destination". Have you seen it? Hopefuly it regenerates me. Gets me back to normal.

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There's no final destination in the cabinetry department. It's going to be 'up and outta here' one of these days.

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Speaking of cabinetry. In US the price of lumber are up by 200-300% since last year, some even more. I guess we already pay the future prices. I should change my profession from fresh just today becoming cabinet builder to cabinet demolisher.

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cabinet demolisher.

Hey. Watch it. We don't say those words in this store. And it's because of these damn lumber prices we sit here writing stupid tutorials instead of buying lumber. They sure do look nice in the pictures though.

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reading this post makes me realize that i really need to build that cabinet, but going deeper I realized that this has already happened in the future, so done!

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This is exactly why I say, "Just relax and build that cabinet."

There's so many of us here who just sit.

A sitting and a building those cabinets. And the cabinets are done!

"You should see how many cabinets we have."

I'm supposed to say that to everyone.

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I have to confess that at the beginning I was, hmmm!!!! What is this about, then the first paragraph was like, what the hell but I finished reading it and I totally loved it

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Thanks for sharing that tutorial. HOWEVER, I am not going to follow those instructions as I don't want to use someone's brain to build my own cabinet.

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Using my brain prevents your brain from getting damaged though. Please be careful with your new cabinet.

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You practise holistic cabinet making the same way Douglas Adams wrote of the holistic detective agency. I will follow your instructions for my next cabinet. I find the second spell to be such a confidence booster as it's great to know you succeeded before starting. It inspires me to attempt a whole series of progressively difficult cabinets until I discover my highest level of incompetence. I will make it my principle.

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The easiest way to get started is to simply finish before you get started. Then once you're done, move on to the next one.

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Thank you for this most excellent advice.

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Taking a break again?

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Was distracted/busy with "life" or whatever. Went away to a place that I couldn't take internet with me. I do this all the time.

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Ah yeah, I know. Just wanted to make sure you're still alive. Take care, master

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It is a pleasure to read this text, it seems to me that the most important thing is not to build the cabinet but to have a logical thought, to put everything in its place, without getting distracted

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You read between the lines. Fascinating. You will enjoy building your cabinet more than ever now. Congratulations.

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