Death Delivered by Police Sergeant

Death Delivered by Police Sergeant

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DOOR

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KNOCK, KNOCK.

I creep quietly up to the peephole and look out. It’s the police. It’s a weekday evening. I don’t answer the door. I almost never do when someone drops by unannounced. I’m definitely not answering this call to order.
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DISSOCIATION

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My pulse races. I don’t move. They knock again. I step back from the door without making a sound. I’m instantly shooting a hundred miles down an invisible track without moving. What do they want? I’ve done nothing. I’m certain. Never mind my mind as it starts spinning out copious crazy possibilities. I feel sick.
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MELTDOWN

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I have a silent full on meltdown while lying on my bed. My whole body goes into spasms and I can’t control it. A million electrical shocks are firing throughout my body all at the same time. I’ve gone somewhere else. I lay there letting it happen. I’ve re-tripped backwards before. I stay with it this time, for the first time. I wait it out. It takes almost half an hour before involuntary, uncontrollable full body shakes cease erupting.
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ABREACTION

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The knocks have stopped. I get up shakily and check the peephole again. They’re gone. I wait at least an hour before I check outside the door to see if there’s any note left. Nothing. No idea what they want. Hours later and I still can’t calm down. It’s going to fester now. They will be back. I’ll have to deal with it at some point.
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FROZEN TERROR

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I’m on edge now, in a state of hyper vigilance. I feel paranoid. The next time the knocks come, a couple days later, it’s just before nine in the morning. It’s the weekend. I’m still in bed. I freeze there. I can’t move. I’m sure they’re listening for sounds of life. I’m panicking quietly again. More knocks. Finally, I’m able to slip slowly and quietly from the bed to check the peephole. It’s the police again. Not this morning. No way. Not dealing with this. No. I back away and wait until they go.

Later on, I’m outside and run into my neighbour. He says, “The police were at your door looking for you, did you know that?” I play stupid. I ask him if they said anything to him. What did they want? He didn’t know. Fabulous. Zero helpfulness with one hundred percent nosiness. I know they’ll be back. Forget enjoying the weekend work break. It’s a red alert, all eyes watching for the police.
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HYPER AWARE

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It didn’t take long. The next day, I’d gone down to my locker in the late afternoon. I needed something. I’m in the elevator going up. As I am, I have the thought that when I get to my floor, the police will be at my door. I often get these kinds of intuitive feelings before something takes place. Nothing new there. I mentally steel myself. Time to deal with whatever it is. I’ve done nothing wrong, no rational reason to be terrified.

There is what I know I’m terrified of. Any police are a trigger pull reminder, but that’s another story.
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NINE CUFFED

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Off step from elevator. I walk silently to the corner and pause before I turn it. My apartment is way down at the end of the hall. I can’t hear anything. I can feel him standing at my door. I take a breath and walk around the corner, down towards my apartment. There’s a police officer standing there, about to knock on my door. I’m not surprised. I felt him there before I ever got off the elevator.
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FATHER

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Halfway down the hall I call out to him, “Can I help you?” He asks me if I’m so and so. I confirm that I am. He tells me that he has some news for me. He wants to come into my apartment. That’s not going to happen. I know how they think. I’ll never allow them in my apartment without a warrant. I tell him in the hallway is fine, while I filter out the rest of my thoughts.

We stand in the hall. He identifies himself as sergeant so and so. A sergeant??? I take his badge number and info, as is my habit. He asks me if my date of birth is such and such. I confirm. He tells me my father has passed away. He really means dead. I tell him my father’s been very ill for a long time, since he’s looking me over, studying my facial expression and body language. All the things I’m not going to say to him. He’d never believe me anyway. I play the role he’s looking for instead.
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DIED

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I didn’t expect to find out this way. In the moment, I am more in shock about a police sergeant being at my door than the fact that my father is dead. I disconnect from that. I ask him when this happened and who sent him to my door. I already know, but I want that confirmation. He has to radio in to check. I slump against the wall. I let my body slacken. The sergeant’s eyes stay fixed on my face.

Finally he says, “Your brother contacted us, do you want me to replay the message?” I do. The sergeant plays it. It’s been years since I’ve heard that voice. I shudder inside. It’s short and to the point with an assumed authority, typical of him.

When, when did my father die? It was on Valentine’s Day. A week and a half later, the police were sent to my door. The sergeant’s being very kind now. He’s playing his part of the script. He offers his contact information, should I need anything. I take it. I thank him and get him on his way. I need to be alone.

NOW.

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ALONE

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I’m going through something I haven’t experienced in several years. My brother sent the death notice via the police, a sergeant of all things. I get the message loud and clear. He meant it that way. He meant to remind me of many, many things. That’s why he chose to send the police to my door. He used to be a police officer. Reminder remaining, he still has power to reach out and hurt me. From my many years of research, psychopaths don’t start running out of steam until the age of sixty-five. My life has never been boring.
My brother is a psychopath.
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PSYCHO SPIRAL

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All photos taken by Nine with a Pentax digital 35mm camera and 90mm Tamron macro lens.
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28 comments
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While reading this at the beginning I kept questioning if this was fiction. Then I saw on the tags you used #truestory. I’m sure it was quite shocking receiving the news in that way. I’m sorry for your loss and for whatever you are dealing with with your brother. I hope he gets or is getting the help he needs. From what I read it seems as if you’ve been dealing with these family struggles for a long time now.

The photos you used to tell this story are amazing and went well with each story point. I’m sorry, I struggled finding the words to say on this one as I don’t want to pry but just hope you are safe and okay ~

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(Edited)

Thank you @crosheille. Yes, it was. It took almost a year to get over the shock, since the situation went on for months before it abated. It was kind of like being ejected into outer space for a while, floating around out there.

Psychopaths are not fixable. They do not change and will not, no matter what help they receive. I've studied all of these things for many years to make sense of my own experiences, so that's why I say that.

My family had both good and bad. Many struggle and never speak about what they've endured. Their suffering does present in other ways though.

For myself, I have no regrets. I've used every experience (the ones with great adversity are best) as manure to fertilize my internal garden. It has helped me learn, create, and grow.

I’m sorry, I struggled finding the words to say on this one as I don’t want to pry but just hope you are safe and okay ~

You spoke beautifully and with sensitivity. Thank you. I'm as safe as anyone is these days. As to okay, well, I did the work necessary to bring that into being. I still continue that work, since I am still growing. 😊

p.s. I did not mean to be so late in replying. My computer finally died on Friday evening. It's been almost three days now to get everything put on another computer to get back to where I was. Good thing I had an old extra one.

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This reply was so encouraging! The fact that you have used these experiences in a way to help you grow, be creative and learn. I always say if you are living you are learning and I myself am still growing in many ways too.

I understand your comment about not being fixable and I can understand why you did the work and continue to do the work to remain safe.

Oh it’s okay, I didn’t feel your reply was late at all. Thanks for sharing more with me. 😊❤️

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Thank you @crosheille. It's like that old expression, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade", lol. Those three things, learning, creating and growing have always been the spice of life for me. There is so much to learn and never enough time.

I understand your comment about not being fixable and I can understand why you did the work and continue to do the work to remain safe.

I live a little "undercover" for that reason. This is why I never post identifiable photos of myself on the internet or anything that will identify me, among other things.

I'm very happy to share with you and thank you. It's lovely to chat with you. 😊❤️

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Damn that was terrifying enough to read, can't imagine how it felt in real life. I lost my father a while back, thankfully I saw it happen and no cops had to be involved to deliver the message. My condolences and good vibes to you, from far away, I hope they help.

I am more in shock about a police sergeant being at my door than the fact that my father is dead

Yeah no kidding…

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At the time, it was utter h*ll. The cops thing was a very pointed message. Fleshing that out a bit means more upcoming posts. Condolences and good vibes back to you. Those always help. Best of all is you stopping by, thank you.

Before Hive, I thought my life was pretty ordinary and mundane. I'm getting a different perspective now, LOL.

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Well you know what they say about the apple.

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Your apple?

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(Edited)

It doesn't fall far from the tree, that's one. And don't eat it! is the other.

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It's the seeds hidden inside that you don't want to eat, unless you want to go on a cyanogenic glycoside trip.

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Scary that this is a true story.

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How scared are you @hiveqa? Should I censor upcoming stories due to scary horror factors?
Waits for your feedback

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I am sorry for your loss. You are a highly creative soul. Send you a firm hug.

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i just tagged you in a comment and realized i have missed your posts this week... hehehe
I have them both open to enjoy today :)

sending love to you my sweet friend ❤️

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Got your tag and responded, thanks. 😁 I hope you enjoy my posts and thanks for that love, always the sweetest thing there is to receive. Sending it right back to you. 💖

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oh, well this is not a blog I was expecting. I'm so sorry that you felt all of this, and most likely still do. wish i could have just warmed the chill and squeezed the shivers away. my heart aches for the terror you live with. this is not my normal long comment. but i've sad enough. love.

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Now I'm curious. What were you expecting? I'm trying to visualize it, lol.

Well, this particular situation I talked about has been worked through and dealt with, which is why I can write about it. I was encouraged by a friend on Hive to begin writing about my brother, that story, so that's how this came about. I had to think about it for a couple of months because I wasn't sure it was something I ever wanted to write about publicly.

Before this happened, I wasn't living in terror for quite a few years. I was very focused on living my life. This came out of nowhere for me and threw me back into a state of fear for around a year until I worked that through and let it go. Now I'm mindful again to not be caught off guard, so more like a light general awareness. I hope that fills in the picture a little better.

Thanks for reading my post @dreemsteem. I do love it when you stop by and say whatever you wish to say.

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Ah....I meant...

I was.missing you, and I was like...ohhhhh I need to go sneak up on a certain kitty cat with nine nails...hehehe

And before I even read the title, or came here...I was just expecting your deep self.

But not this peek.

It's nothing at all wrong with this... believe me lol

I just was expecting coming here to giggle with you and catch up.

And instead you pulled me much closer for an embrace.

It was what I was "expecting" but it was very welcome!

And years....and then It rears its head out of nowhere...

Yep. Yep.

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I was.missing you, and I was like...ohhhhh I need to go sneak up on a certain kitty cat with nine nails...hehehe

🤣🤣🤣 Instant visual picture. 🤣🤣🤣

Yeah, you know how this goes...this popping up of things and it's deal time.

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