The Cuningular Loop

avatar

IMG-PHOTO-ART-171281025.jpg

Right where we going today? You said it was somewhere special?

I bobbed up and down on the spot and wiggled my hands at the end of my wrists whilst bending my head left and right as if about to box an Argentinian.

The Good Lady briefly frowned at my moves as if she never wanted to have children ever again.

Cuningar Loop. That's where!

She stopped with the frowning and clucked with pleasure like a chicken mistakenly flirting with a gigantic buttplug.

I shot her a stern look. Such language, didn't she realise the children were about somewhere?

Cuningular what? Can't you wait till the kids are asleep?

I fired a nervous glance at the doorway in case one of these mysterious children were going to miraculously appear.

The Good Lady let out a long-suffering sigh.

No Daddy-Bear, Cuningar Loop, it's this really cool forest walk North of the city.

She followed this with a tinkling laugh.

I bloody knew you would think it was... You know.

She wafted a hand downstairs and made a mouthy gesture as if she was chewing on some overcooked squid.

Are you serious, there is really a place named after fanny-licking?
Remember, my transatlantic colleagues, over here, a fanny is a vagina and not an arse. Yes yes, I know, it's confusing but I don't make the rules. Blame God or something

Hey, behave yourself!

She tutted like Michael J Fox eating soup.

So anyway, it's a forest park. It's meant to be really cool.

She recited like a shilly influencer talking utter bollocks about blockchain on Twitter.

I looked up from Google maps. And shook my head.

Nope baby girl. No can do, that's not North of the city. It's the North of the city. Uh uh, no way.

I tried my best to sound like Elvis with the uh uh.

The Good Lady rudely overlooked my impression of the King and blundered on.

What's wrong with the North of the city?

She said as innocently as the lambs her family strangled back at the farm up in Dundee.

It's fucking minging. You couldn't pay me to go there. And this place, it's in Dalmarnock. Nobody goes to Dalmarnock. That's like the place Simba's dad warned him about.

I looked off bleakly in the direction of the kitchen as if one of the kids was attempting to make toast again.

You said that about Barrhead last week. It was a great walk, remember?

She attempted to nail me with perverse woman logic.

Hmmm. You don't understand milady. This is beyond Barrhead. Barrhead's like a holiday park compared to Dalmarnock.

I resisted the urge to shake her shoulders and continued.

It's horrifying, the people are so scummy it is almost like visiting another planet. I mean, I will be fine, I came from a shit area. But you and the precious children? You will get eaten alive.

I folded my arms across my chest.

The Good Lady did the same with her's.

Stop being such a bloody snob. We're going. And that is that.


Sometime later we arrived.

At the entrance to the park was two gigantic steel claws piercing the ground and reaching for the skies.

IMG_20210425_180208070.jpg

Maybe this won't be so bad? I thought.

Underneath I snapped a pic of the claws from below.

IMG_20210425_190649431.jpg

Yeah, this will be good. I decided to abandon all my doomsaying and just enjoy the place.

We neared a bridge behind which, shitty blocky flats lurked. Hmm. My optimistic mood started to fizzle out.

20210425_115818-01.jpeg

We carried on down the path. I scowled at the shitty surroundings. I didn't like this at all, It was all just a bit too urban for me.

I thought this was meant to be a forest walk?

I asked the Good Lady.

It is, look, trees!

The Good Lady pointed excitedly.

20210425_115950-02.jpg

As I was shaking my head in disappointment at the shitty metal trees, a man and a woman staggered into view from some bushes.

They were wild-eyed and spaced out looking. The woman, in particular, was drooling and staring at her surroundings as if she had never seen anything before.

She staggered sideways a bit more and fell over. The man tried to pick her up and then he too fell over.

I checked my phone. Ten past eleven in the morning.

Junkies. Time to go.

We left.

Fuck Cuningular, it's shit.



0
0
0.000
27 comments
avatar

I had to look it up, what's so bad about Dalmarnock? Is Barrowlands better?

0
0
0.000
avatar

Barrowlands is much better. This place was literally a landscaped dunno behind a rough housing estate. It was fucking awful. I'm still scarred!!

0
0
0.000
avatar

The Good Lady let out a long-suffering sigh.

If I had a quarter for every time my wife let out the "Long-Suffering Sigh", I'd be lending money to the early Bitcoin Investors.

0
0
0.000
avatar

Hehe, me too. I would be unfeasibly rich!!

0
0
0.000
avatar

A cuningular loop probably would have been a lot more enjoyable. Not with the kids about the place of course.

Did not know there were places on earth were a fanny is ment to be an arse. (Not being a donkey, I guess.) That could lead to some bedroom confusion, when two people from those different places want to give each other a good seeing to...

Those metal claws photo's look stunning by the way!

0
0
0.000
avatar

I did like the metal claws, that was just about all that I liked!!

I remember the first time I mentioned fanny kind a post and it causes much confusion. You are so right, imagine two people who thought differently meet and tried to get up to something... Oh dear!!

0
0
0.000
avatar

Sounds like here, where there's north and south and if you're from one side you think the other side is crap XD

That sculpture was pretty cool and there was at least a pseudoforest off to the side of that XP I don't know if you could see that small bright dot of lens flare, if you could it would have been pretty cool if you'd managed to angle the photo so the prong was pointing at it XD

Normally I'd also suggest with a photo like that one putting the sun in between the prongs but to be perfectly honest I'm surprised you managed to get such a decent shot to begin with as I probably would have just shot that one blind, hoped and not had it come out that good because looking into the sun is painful x_x

I wonder if they got the same sculptor to do those trees as the one that did some metal trees over here, they look kind of similar.

or maybe they just look similar because they're tree shapes I donno

0
0
0.000
avatar

Ah the sun between the prongs, that is what I was trying, over many shots but I couldn't see a thing. I was starting to get sun blindness!

There is that North/South divide of course but that area is awful. It has a lot of social problems. It reminds me a lot of my old area I grew up in. Probably why I'm so keen to steer well clear, lol!

I bet the tree sculptor artist person does them all over. Probably make a killing!!

0
0
0.000
avatar

At least it was only a walk and you didn't have to run for your life

0
0
0.000
avatar

Sometimes I wonder. I exist and that I can make beautiful structures thought that the human being made but what will there be later?
I would like to have a rich man's life. but you have to fight. I liked this post

0
0
0.000
avatar

I am glad you liked it and that it made you think philosophically! :OD

0
0
0.000
avatar

Poor children! They are probably scarred for life! It is the most perplexing language by the way... you say this, but, mean that.

Was it really that bad? Although I have to admit, those big square buildings looked like urban detention centers!

0
0
0.000
avatar
(Edited)

It was that bad. The couple that were off their chump was the last straw.

It's a really run down area and they are trying to regenerate it. Yuk. Some bits of Glasgow can't be regenerated!

0
0
0.000
avatar

You probably would have been safer dragging the family along on one of @slobberchops' Urban Explorations in a sewage-and-tetanus-filled ruined factory!

0
0
0.000
avatar

Hahahah, there would definitely have been much more to see!!

0
0
0.000
avatar

Wow what a wild experience,just love the metal trees,but never seen one. Those claws where looking so scary doe.

0
0
0.000
avatar

Damn. I was thinking an urban explore was in the cards perhaps lol. Well good call. I cant relax and enjoy anything having to worry about fundamental safety.

0
0
0.000
avatar

I used to do a bit of urban exploring, back before it was a thing. There are some great ones in Glasgow. Abandoned underground train stations and tunnels mostly. Fab stuff. This was indeed like an urban explore without any of the joy!

0
0
0.000
avatar

Haha sometimes it good to see the bad places to appreciate what we have.

0
0
0.000
avatar

Absolutely, I think that too. I still scarper quick when I end up in one, lol :OD

0
0
0.000
avatar

The walk was not at all pleasant as I read your post, we started with the journey in which the good lady and you did not seem to agree, then when the photo arrives it shows that nature is little ha, ha, ha, there is no forest Nothing, conclusion you owe a walk to the good lady, sometimes I think it is better to be slotero ha ha ha, if I continue reading your post there is no doubt that I will never get married ha ha ha,
A hug my friend

0
0
0.000
avatar

Being married is fabulous, I would heartily recommend it. :O)

The place was awful, I have vowed never to return!

0
0
0.000
avatar

Being married is fabulous, I would heartily recommend it. :O)

The place was awful, I have vowed never to return!

0
0
0.000